(Closed) Concerns about sister's fiance

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
68 posts
Worker bee

I really don’t think her relationship is any of your business. I would stay out of it.

Post # 3
9758 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Well, first things first, you need to stay in your line and stay out of this.

Honestly, this is all between the two of them to work out. Maybe her not changing her name is a dealbreaker for him, he’s allowed to make that decision and you shouldn’t be judging his reasons as its really none of your business. He has every right to want his future wife to take his name, just like she has every right to keep her maiden name. It doesn’t make either one of them controlling, it just is what it is. They need to come to some sort of an agreement together and you need to butt out.

Again, its also not your business how they communicate. It almost seems like you’re trying to coddle your sister and I think you need to take a gigantic step back.

Post # 4
802 posts
Busy bee

As worrying as it is when someone threatens to call off a wedding if he doesn’t get his own way, I would just stay out of it and let them work it out themselves. 

Post # 5
123 posts
Blushing bee

How old is he?

I agree that it’s not you business once she made the decision to accept his proposal.  Also, it’s important to remember that as her confidant, you hear mainly the negative stuff and are only getting one sided stories. 

Post # 6
861 posts
Busy bee

Unfortunately bee, you have to stay out of it. Your sister is an adult and makes her own decisions. This is her relationship and eventually her marriage. I would be pissed if my sister tried to speak to my husband about a topic I discussed with her in confidence and even more livid if she told our parents. 

Post # 7
861 posts
Busy bee

And to echo what the bee said above. Remember you only hear her side and of course you will be biased because she is your sister and you love her. Just be a support system for her and a ear to listen and offer advice when she needs it. 

Post # 8
1281 posts
Bumble bee

Agree with others that you should stay out of it. Also remember that you are hearing everything from your sisters point of view which will paint an unfair picture of him (this is the reason I will never complain about anything my husband says or does to family). 

Post # 11
2165 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

No, if they are over 21 and he isn’t abusing her mentally or physically, then you have to stay out of it. Your parents too. Your sister has to deal with her Fiance, if she marries him or if she decides he isn’t going to be her DH. 

It is a luxury to be able to stay out of others problems. 

Post # 12
268 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
sunshadebride :  Do not enter into this. Why, because who knows. My fiance said the other day, he does not like my sister. I said, why??? They have only met once, and it went well. He said, I do not like how she talks to you, that she is so negative. Now, my sister is my best friend. But I realize that with my fiance, I do not go home and tell him when everything is going well. It is a fault in me, I guess, but I do not gush along how much she means to me how close we are. I talk to him when I want his advice for what things to do when my sister and I fight. So then I realize I am giving a negative report of her and it is not accurate of our relationship.

Trust me, if you enter into this then regardless of what happened, your relationship with both of them is changed forever. 

Post # 13
693 posts
Busy bee

Women complain about their partners, sometimes we do it just for the sake of complaining.

Mind your own business, she’s a big girl.

Post # 14
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’s possible your sister is only telling you her side of the story and because she’s frustrated with the situation it’s being presented to you in a way that is biased. I would consider it just venting unless she asks you to do something, and even then their relationship is between them. She should really be dealing with this with her fiancé directly and not other people tbh. It’s unfair to paint him in a bad light when he isn’t aware it’s happening and he cant express his side imo. 

Post # 15
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Listen, I agree with everyone else about not talking to him about it, but I totally see where you are coming from. I have a sister, and if she were confiding in me about this, I would feel the same way. She is basically an extension of me as a person and we are so close, so this would definitely bother me. I think you’re well within your right to voice your concerns to her when she brings it up, though. Other than that, unfortuantely I’d say stay out of it. 

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