Concerns about sister's fiance

posted 2 months ago in Family
Post # 31
392 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

sunshadebride :  stay out of it. Shes a grown woman, she should deal with it alone. None of your business. It’s not like theres red flags everywhere. It’s his personality and if she liked him enough to get engaged and planning a wedding, there are many other traits that she loves about him. If shes set on marrying him and you are not going to break a wedding, then let it pass. Plus people never ever change. It’s just going to cause drama with no positive consequences. 

Post # 32
367 posts
Helper bee

I feel your pain, I do, and you should decide based on the quality of your relationship with your sister.

But in my own experience, most of the time I’ve tried to be honest with a friend or a sibling about their shitty SO that everyone else disses behind their back (figuring that at least I wasn’t going to be two-faced about it) they just end up being defensive and angry at me, even when the shitty SO eventually breaks up with them. It’s pretty lose-lose, even when they eventually wake up and see how terrible the SO is, they’re still mad that I wasn’t supportive and encouraging of the terrible relationship. 

I have a small number of friends who DO value that I don’t lie to them about this, and they don’t get upset about it, but they’re in the minority and my siblings don’t fall into this bucket either. 

Post # 34
1223 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with everything citizenjane   said. I would absolutely be involved in a careful and supportive manner if this was my sister or best friend.


Post # 35
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

sarahparkview :  I agree with you completely. If the sister’s fiance is willing to emotionally blackmail her into taking his last name, that suggests he’s controlling about other things, or could become so. I would talk to the sister about my concerns, ask her how she’s feeling about it, and let her know I am there for her no matter what. Don’t bad-mouth the fiance but make it clear that you will support her and listen to her, and that you only want the best for her.

Post # 36
703 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

sunshadebride :  I had a lot of concerns about my sister’s DH as well (while they were dating and right before their wedding). Unfortunately, all you can do is lend a sympathetic ear to her and offer your opinion if she asks for it. It sucks but it’s her life and relationship and shy of him being abusive or cheating there is not much you can do. 

Post # 37
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

sunshadebride :  I honestly think that you should stay out of it for the sake of your relationship with your sister. Yes, you have mentioned some characteristics of his that alarm you, but perhaps the good in him outweighs this? Every person has aspects about them that are not perfect, but this is not your fight or life for you to deal with him. Its up to your sister about whether this is the man she wants to marry, and if you try to come between them (even by giving advice) you can jeopardise your relationship with your sister because there will come a point where they have dealt with their challenges and you will be the one who remembers the negative. 

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