Concrete ways you handled ex-wife insecurity

posted 7 months ago in Relationships
Post # 32
1055 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Honestly, the biggest thing that’s helped me is time. We’ve been together almost 3 years and I’m finally to a point where I can say it rarely bothers me anymore. Also having a partner who tries to be sensitive and understanding. I have no issues telling him when I’m feeling insecure, and he is quick to try to alleviate it with reassurance and affirmation.

Post # 33
484 posts
Helper bee

I could be completely misreading the situation, but I’m getting a vibe that you hate this woman way too much.

In my relationship, I’m the one guilty of talking about my ex too much, in part because my SO has never dated anyone before me. I feel like I’m more experienced and able to see red flags, problems, and patterns of behavior because I’ve “been there, done that”.

Conversely I don’t know if my ex talks about me, but if he did, I wouldn’t be surprised if he says I’m so terrible. He thinks I cheated on him (I didn’t, we were on a break), our families never went anywhere together (because they hated me)…etc. As awful as she sounds, you’re only getting one side of the story. She doesn’t have to be an evil awful person for you to have a good relationship.

That said…I think if you’re able to see her as a regular person, you’ll have an easier time with this.

Post # 34
1985 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

cabs8797 :  they really do sound similar.  I’ve armchair-diagnosed her as a covert narcissist – you should look it up if you’re curious! Yes, she refused to be around his (perfectly lovely) family as well, I think because she was pathologically incapable of sharing him, because that meant that she wasn’t the center of his world.  But his family loves me, and it sounds like his loves you too.

I’ll also put in a vote for the in-the-lockbox visualization!  I don’t need to do it about the ex, but I’ve tried that with other intrusive thoughts and it works pretty well.

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