Post # 1
So I have a confession, and I’m really embarrassed about it. This past December one of my oldest friends got married. The wedding occurred on a Sunday, two days before one of my law school finals and I was super stressed and very low on money. I spent about $500 between the hotel, transportation and my dress and jewelry and everything.
Well, my confession is that I didn’t get her a gift. I felt bad, but to be honest, I just didn’t have the money at the time. Now it’s 8 months later, she had a baby about 5 months ago, and I kept meaning to go down to see her (about 6 hour drive), give her a baby gift and her wedding gift. And then law school and job searches and the Bar exam happened… and I haven’t sent her anything yet.
Am I a really bad person? I was going to go this weekend and get her baby a gift and send her a wedding gift (a check because I’m not sure what she’s purchased since the wedding).
Is this terrible? what should i do?
Post # 3
I think you should get her a gift, and let her know you’ve been thinking about her. Get her something little that you know she’ll love – plus a gift card, check or whatever…
Be careful about buying baby clothes! My nephew is 6 months old, and wearing 12-18 month clothing.
Post # 4
You’re not a bad person for not giving a gift. A gift is not something that should be expected out of you especially since you said you spent $500 for the wedding already. If she’s you’re good friend, she should already know you’re financial situation during the wedding and your current hectic schedule. If you absolutely cannot visit her in person, send a greeting card with a personal note. You can even include a gift card to a store which has baby and adult stuff so that they can get something for themselves and the baby.
Post # 5
I don’t think that makes you a bad person. Send her a gift now, and include a nice note. I’m sure she understands that gifts are not always affordable right away, and besides, the best gifts are not tangible, they’re your time and support!
Post # 6
I agree with Shortcherriez. The best gift you can give your friend is just letting her know you’re thinking of her. Make her a CD of nursery music, write her a note, and by all means – when you can get away – go for a visit! Your friendship is much more valuable than anything you can gift wrap!
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
Ditto what everyone else has said, no biggie, just send something now, even if it’s small because it really is just the thought that counts…Technically, ettiquette-wise, you have up to a year after the wedding to send a gift, so you’re really not even late! 🙂
Post # 8
You’re not a bad person! I’m sure she can understand…she’s been busy herself with the baby and all! Just send her a gift if you know you can’t make it out there soon, or even a card to let her know your thinking of her and the newborn!
Post # 9
You sound very busy. I get caught up in life as well sometimes. I try to stay in touch with friends with constant phone calls, and surprising them at times with little gifts in the mail. Everyone loves a surprise package. It doesn’t have to be a huge gift it is the thought that counts.
Post # 10
I don’t think it’s a big deal. Most couples say, “I just want my friends and family to have a good time and not bring a gift.” So, you did take one. I’m sure your friend won’t hold it against you. If your thinking about it and worrying about it, then get her something small, explain your situation and she’ll understand.
Post # 11
You know the same thing happened to me, I was actually a bridesmaid in her wedding and spent soooo much money and never got a gift. Well, now that some time has passed (3 months) I was able to get a gift and come to find out she is preggo now so I gifted her with a wedding gift and a “congradualtions” baby gift. I feel a lot better now that I did that.
Post # 12
I actually went to a wedding this last weekend and was not able to afford to get them a gift. I felt soooo bad. But it was out of town, and I don’t have a job right now, so I wasn’t even sure if I would be able to make it (due to travel costs). I made a resolve to send them a gift as soon as I can afford it though.
And it’s true, you technically have up to a year after the wedding to send a gift according to Miss Manners. 🙂
Post # 13
No you are not a bad person. My very best friend got married right after my third year of college started up (see also: right after I had to fork out a large sum of money for another year of school). I did get her a card with a small amount of money. She actually allowed me to stay at her apartment since they had a hotel suite for the night!!! She called me later and told me I should not have given money, that I should have spent it on books or something. So I definately believe your friend will understand (even if she is far away). You are not bad you are just busy/broke…. college does that.
Post # 14
Gifts are not required, no matter what the wedding industry complex tells us. But it is also true that you have a year, so maybe you can figure something out before then?
Post # 15
That doesn’t make you a bad person! I say get her a gift and let her know you’ve been thinking about her! Like some girls have mentioned, you do have up to a year after the wedding to get a gift, registries usually stay up that long.
Post # 16
I might be in the minority here, but I think you should search the wedding and baby registries that she might have set up, and buy someting off the registries. I’m sure you can have them shipped (if you’re not in the same town.) My reasoning is that it will show a little more thought on your part. (Or if you personally bought something, even if it wasn’t from the registry). I don’t have a problem with people giving checks for a wedding. But if it’s after the wedding, especially by several months, I think it will go a longer way to go through the touble of sending an actual gift, rather than just mailing a check.
Just what came to my mind.