Post # 17
Look, I get you. I think you should talk to your doctor about managing your depression better. Try ti remind yourself about the benefits to getting up and getting there. Can your employer accomodate a later start time temporarily while you work on it?
I’m really surprised how people are reacting to this. If it were as simple as a choice, it would not be an issue. Depression does not give you a choice.
Post # 18
@anon376115: honestly, I’m late for work quite frequently too, but only by maybe 1-2 minutes I decided on New Years to make sure I’m no longer late because even though I don’t get in trouble I still hate it. I need to wake up by 7 to leave on time, so I set my alarm for 6:30-6:45 to give myself time to just lay in bed. I don’t use this time to go back to sleep. I usually cuddle my cats or check my email on my phone. When 7 comes I’m awake and ready to get up!
Post # 19
I hope you didn’t mean to come across like this but you really made a mockery of depression. If it were as easy as setting your alarm and bursting out of bed every morning it’d be a non-issue for her.
Perhaps you can try to set your bedside clock a half hour earlier than it is so that when you do feel like you just can’t get out of bed before it is too late you can trick yourself to getting out of bed a bit earlier than you needed to.
I really recommend taking a look at a different career, perhaps you need to start your own business and do something you love that doesn’t necessarily require you to jump out of bed at a certain time in the morning.
You may also just need him to get you out of bed and moving in the mornings (perhaps make sure you are in the shower when he leaves) rather than leaving for work so early in the morning – I could imagine you’d then be physically drained instead of just emotionally drained!
Post # 20
@anon376115: You could try setting a loud and annoying alarm far away from bed (such as on your dresser). Then you literally have to get up to make the noise stop!
Post # 21
No worries – I did not read that as insensitive. I think the connection between my issue and mental health is the kind of thoughts I had while extrememly depressed left grooves on my brain, and I do not know how to get those “automatic” thoughts to hop the track and get on a new path with a differerent message. Does that make sense?
Anyway, I it is so frustrating and embarassing and it makes me want to cry all the time. Ridiculous!
Thank you all for your suggestions and support. I do all the alarm tricks across the room and whatnot. I need to somehow interupt those automatic thoughts of “I don’t care I am going to back to sleep” with some kind of new trigger.
Maybe I could tape a new lipstick color to my phone. When I turn off the alarm I will be reminded that I get to get dolled up and wear a new lippy! That might work. Just something to snap me out of the automatic response I have been having.
I am excited to see tomorrow morning and give it a whirl!
Post # 22
What you are saying DOES make sense, and I am glad you took my post in the way it was intended. I have a background in working with people with MH issues, and myself have struggled in the past with PTSD and crippling anxiety, but have been in a great place for many years now, and can push past the bad days 99% of the time.
Sounds like some re- programming is in order. I am all in favour of positive reinforcement (ie the new lippy) other ideas is to get an awesome juicer or coffee machine to make the morning a little brighter and more enticing. Or even look at a reward system where you treat yourself to a fabulous massage if you can go a week without getting to work on time?
All the best to you, I don’t doubt this is so hard and frustrating.
Post # 23
@anon376115: I feel you on this. I f-ing hate getting out of bed for work in the morning although I’m super dependable & responsible in most areas of my life. I’ve resolved to “become a morning person” more times than I can count but it’s alwasy seems to be going against the grain for me.
You know what I think might be important in this case? Play to your STRENGTHS. To the extent possible, try to get a job in which you either have a late start time or in which being “on time” doesn’t really matter.
I work in high tech. I don’t feel awesome about the fact that I show up at 9:10 ish every day, but no one actually cares. It’s just not an early morning environment.
Post # 24
I’m quite fortunate in that I work from home, so I don’t need to commute anywhere, just get up and turn my computer on. As suggested, you could try and move your alarm to far away so that you need to get up to switch it off. What I do is set my alarm for half an hour earlier than I need to get up. This way, I can stay in bed, semi-sleep and press snooze every ten minutes until I have to get up. By the time I need to get out of bed, I’m awake and ready to start my day.
Also, I’ve recently been having issues with my phone and one morning my alarm didn’t go off so I woke up an hour late and was late for work. Because of this, my Fiance said she would call me every morning to check I was up on time. Maybe your Fiance would do this for you? Not a long phone call that disrupts his morning but just a check to see that you’re up and about, and also an extra chance to say I love you 😀 And for the record, FI’s voice is by far the best alarm clock I could wish for!
Post # 26
@anon376115: I am sorry but if you did this where I work you would have no job. Being late is not tolerated. In fact I know of someone who got fired for this exact same reason.
Please seek help this is not healthy for you or your employer
Post # 27
I have never dealt with depression, so I have no idea what you are going through. Fiance does have depression, so I can relate through him.
And, contrary to what people are saying or are going to say, I’m late for work all. the. damn. time. I love my job. I love the people I work with, and I love what I do. That has nothing to do with it. I have an alarm clock that I set, and I even get up on time. I simply lollygag around in the morning, and end up being late. It has nothing to do with when I set my alarm, liking my job, or whatever. It’s just who I am, and it is a part of me that really wasn’t that important for me to change or work on.
My solution? I found a job that is super flexible with my hours. I like, love in fact, having my morning to spend being distracted.
Don’t beat yourself up over this. I guess I would recommend evaluating if it’s that important to change it, or if it’s more important to find a more flexible job.
Post # 28
You’re very fortunate that you still have your job and you need to resolve this ASAP, which you obviously want to do! I agree that you may need to continue talking to your doctor. Do you think you may have an attention disorder? Many people with this also have difficulty getting started on things.
Set your alarm across the room (as others have suggested) and make your bed before you allow yourself to turn the alarm off. Also set multiple alarms. Have Fiance help you by making sure you’re awake before you leave. I like your lipstick suggestion!
I hope you get this figured out!
Post # 29
I’ve had this problem in the past and I carried around a lot of guilt about it. I’m a teacher now and I cannot be late or I’ll have a classful of students waiting outside my room, unsupervised. That would be a serious problem. I still struggle with “cutting it close” pretty often and I worry that I’m going to fall back into the pattern of being late.
I do think that it can be depression / anxiety related, so I’m glad that you’re working on it in therapy. It’ll also be great if your idea of your SO supporting you in a few small ways will help you.
Some of the small things that have helped me are:
Setting a custom message on my phone’s alarm – my current message is “Good Morning! Smile!” I do smile every morning but I then hit “Snooze”… So, I’ve only had partial success with this one.
Giving myself something to look forward to in the morning – new makeup, new clothes, something tasty for breakfast… obviously I can’t afford to spoil myself every day, though, so again – onloy partial success.
Giving myself a buffer of time to snooze/wake up slowly – I actually set my alarm for about 45 minutes before I need to get out of bed. During this time, I try to sit up, check Facebook, Instagram, WeddingBee, e-mail, etc. to wake my brain up.
Good luck, I know it’s a struggle.
Post # 30
Let’s lighten up on @lampshade:
The OP said:But, that is not what is really going on, here. I can get out of bed, I can function. I am in a good place right now. I JUST DO NOT WANT TO.
She stated it is NOT the depression that is causing her problem now. I think we can all understand that people experiencing severe depression can literally be unable to get out of bed.
This is not what is happening here. The OP has simply developed a bad habit and hasn’t had enough consequences to her actions to cause her to change.
I’m guessing that @lampshade
is also a nurse and it does cause problems for others when one person can’t get themselves to work on time. We can’t leave until our replacement arrives. That means my children can’t be picked up and either taken to daycare or school on time, or picked up from daycare. I get fined if I am late picking up from daycare. Too many episodes likel that and I am given notice to find other daycare. My children are not welcome if I can’t pick them up on time so that the care providers can go home to their families.
To the OP: whatever is causing your attitude towards getting to work on time, I suggest it is way past time to do something about it. What started out as a result of your depression is now just a self indulgent habit. As others have suggested, get an alarm that doesn’t turn off till you get out of bed to turn it off and take personal resonsibility for your behavior.
Post # 31
I know how you feel, no matter if you go to bed early, set your alarm to get up earlier etc, it jsut hard to get out of bed.
I do the same thing but I am also self employed as a real estate agent and I never schedule appointments earlier than 10am for this reason. Id rather work late at night that early in the morning, and its not just about being a morning person or not……I think is has to do with the state of my mind waking up, like I cant kick my mind into reality and get myself up, I will hit snooze and just keep sleeping and thinking its not that important to get up. For me its not depression its not that I dont want to get up, but my half asleep mind/body dont let me get up early no matter what time I go to bed. Ive tried a million things too. Its not easy. I am sorry I dont have better advice/help.
Being ashamed is not going to help you, dont be so hard on yourself! We can be our worst critics sometimes even when we dont want to me.