(Closed) Confession: I am REALLY bored with my relationship/FH…

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
1631 posts
Bumble bee

Sounds to me like you know the relationship is done. I doubt counseling would do anything to help you guys, you just seem very uncompatible. 

Good luck.

Post # 18
1395 posts
Bumble bee

I honestly feel that two people who so vastly disagree on matters as serious as politics and religion should not get married.  I don’t know of any personal acquaintances who’ve been able to make such relationships work.  In the beginning, it is easy to ignore those major differences (and they are MAJOR) because you’re infatuated.  Unforunately, when all of the glitter settles, you realize that you just can’t handle being with someone whose opinions differ so greatly from your own. 

I would recommend counseling, although I’m not sure that will work.  You are an adult who has your mind made up on your political and religious choices.  So is your Fiance.  No amount of counseling is going to change that.  It might change his prejudice ways, but it won’t change what he believes in.  So the issues are ALWAYS going to be there.

Post # 19
2159 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

If it were just a matter of differing opinions, I would say stay and try to make it work. But it seems like you have completely different morals and values, and I doubt that can be reconciled.

Post # 20
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Is there anything you do have in common? 

Maybe the relationship has finally run it’s course.  It happens.  It is nothing to be upset about either.  Sometimes people aren’t right for each other.  Dating, relationships are all a trial run.  Maybe it’s time your called this one?  You don’t sound happy at all.

Post # 21
5323 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@teaadntoast: +1

Darling, you are not petty. You are a good human being who doesn’t think that racism, bigotry, and generally acting like an a$$hole is okay. Oh my gosh. Honey, I’m sorry, but he does not seem like a nice man!!! I don’t think counselling is going to change this for you. This isn’t a communication failure, or even a disagreement on goals or timelines. This is who he is. His whole personality! I think there’s a very slim chance he’s going to change his entire world view overnight. Really, honestly, find someone who is open minded, culturally enriched, and live a happy healthy life! This guy sounds toxic to mankind!  (((((hugs))))))

Post # 22
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

What  @Summy00 said.

Post # 23
798 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@SouthernGirl:  Dude, you’re not stupid or shallow.  In fact, I would say that you are the exact opposite.  The fact that you’re even sort of internalizing his behaviour is really a concern for me.  

Can you imagine having kids (if you want them) with this man?  You disagree on so many fundamental things that, at the very least, this relationship is going to take a significant amount of communication…which he doesn’t seem to be willing to do.

I agree with 

View original reply
@noritake22:  Take a break.  See how you feel.  In my honest opinion, if you come back and feel the same way, it’s done.

I’m really sorry this is happening to you.  I’ve read some of your other posts throughout the time I’ve been on the ‘Bee and you seem like a really strong woman.

Do not allow someone else to effect your self esteem and sense of being.  Stay strong.

Post # 24
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree wholeheartedly with @justsqueeze

Post # 26
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Honestly, I don’t think counseling is worth your time or effort. He is a fundamentally different person than you and nothing short of a complete personality transplant is going to change or fix things between you.

It’s good that you are being honest with yourself about this.  My advice? Get out before it’s too late. Then you will be free to find someone who shares your views on life and how to live it together.

Post # 27
1182 posts
Bumble bee

@SouthernGirl: I just ended my relationship. If you need anyone to talk to, feel free to PM me anytime.

Post # 28
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@ArwenBride:I agree about taking some time for yourself. 

View original reply
@Pinksapphire:I disagree with the comment about if you don’t agree on religion and politics, you shouldn’t get married.  It can work as long as both people in the relationship understand each other’s points of views.  My Fiance is liberal and I’m conservative, but it works.  I am Catholic and my Fiance is non-religious.  We compromise on things like we’ll be getting married in a Catholic church, but not having a full mass. 

View original reply
@SouthernGirl:You might be just going through a “patch” where everything your Fiance does annoys you.  Taking some time to yourself will help you see if your relationship has a future or not.  Good luck! You’re seem like such a strong woman!

Post # 30
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

These issues seem like things that are part of his personality, therefore very unlikely to change even with counseling. If you are unhappy now it wont get better just because you are married. I think you need to let him go now.

Post # 31
1524 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@SouthernGirl:  If or future son/daughter was gay he said he’d disown them.

That goes beyond red flag. 

That’s an enormous flashing neon sign standing under a spotlight during a fireworks display.  Surrounded by elephants, trapeeze artists, and clowns.  With a Lady Gaga concert going on in the background.

Leaving aside the homophobia – this is a man who would cut off his own flesh and blood, his own child, from his family.  And that says something profound and horrible about what he thinks family means. 

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