Post # 1
I’m kind of curious how people will react to this — I wonder if there are others out there who feel the same and are comforted that they’re not terrible brides or wives? 🙂 One thing I love about weddingbee is that I can find people who have the same feelings, even secretly! 🙂
My wedding was wonderful. There were a few hitches, but it all came together beautifully. But for the entire day, literally until the reception toasts were over, and even after that, I was a stress case. First of all, I couldn’t sleep well for the few days before my wedding, so I was tired and super emotional. This meant I was happy and excited but also that I was prone to crying jags from anxiety even when nothing was really wrong. Also, I was the coordinator and planner of my own wedding, so it was up to me to monitor that everything was happening properly and on time, which was tough to be honest. And I also was constantly self-monitoring to make sure I wasn’t being at all "bride-zilla." It’s not that I wanted everything to be perfect, but I wanted all of my loved ones to feel honored. In short, even though I absolutely loved my wedding it all came together well, it was probably one of the most stressful days of my life!
That said, my decision to marry my husband was the BEST decision I’ve ever made. I’m so thrilled to be his wife and the first six months of our marriage have been truly magical.
But the wedding day? Glad it happened and glad the wedding was wonderful, but wouldn’t relive it! Does anyone else feel the same?
Post # 3
Haven’t had my wedding yet, but thank you so much for your insight. Now I thinking of ways to de-stress pre-wedding day.
Post # 4
I think this is a great post, chicagowife! I feel like weddings have all these expectations, and it is impossible to live up to them or completely fulfill them. There’s so much pressure to have a perfect, meaningful ceremony and then throw this amazing party that makes your guests talk about your weddings for years to come. It’s just so unrealistic. No day can possibly live up to these kinds of expectations, yet couple after couple (myself and my husband included) get completely stressed out trying to pull it off.
Honestly, my wedding day was not the best day of my life. I had a lot of problems with family drama that I hope I will someday be able to overlook when I remember my wedding. But even if I completely forgot about all that crap, if it was wiped from my memory, my wedding was still not the best day of my life. It was really fun, there were a lot of incredible moments, but I truthfully had a ton more fun on my honeymoon. If I had to do it over again, I would’ve eloped. Seriously.
I think it’s ok to feel like your wedding wasn’t the best day of your life. The fact of the matter is that many of us on here have already had a "best day" and will have a million more before the end of our lives. What about having kids? Or grandkids? Getting that promotion or special recognition at work? Finally finishing a project you’re really proud of? For me, my "best days" are all really simple; just days when my husband and I spend the whole day together alone. How could my wedding compete with that? 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2021 - Our home and the two acres it sits on
Oh, how funny. I just finished a blog post on the same topic: regrets. 🙂
Our wedding was not the best party I’ve ever been to. It wasn’t the most amazing day I could have imagined. It was, however, the day I was bowled over by the love, generosity and support of so many friends, not to mention our families. For the first time, I realized what a large community of support we have for the future, and that was stunning.
I’ll leave the rest of my regrets to my blog post. 🙂 But kudos to you for being honest.
Post # 6
Thanks for such an honest post chicagowife! My wedding is not for another year, but I’ve already told myself that it’s not supposed to be "the best day of my life." Honestly, I am just looking forward to seeing all my friends and family together, having a great time, and being happy for us. I refuse to be a stressball on my wedding day… if sh&% happens, it happens… I’m just gonna keep dancing and laughing and enjoying myself! I have been to one too many wedding where the bride is a stresscase and she doesn’t enjoy her wedding at all (only to regret it for the next day or week or year)! My fiance and I will do the best we can at planning a nice event, and I expect glitches to occur… I just refuse to let them bother me one bit!
Mrs. Spring, I totally agree with "simple" best days! I love just spending lazy days with my fiance… watching movies, reading books, chatting. It’s so stress-free and relaxing! 🙂
Post # 7
I agree with those who have said it before me in this thread, and I think maybe a Bee or two has blogged about it before — there is no reason that your wedding has to be the "best day of your life." Because honestly, if that’s as good as it’s ever gonna be, then I’ve got a LONG road ahead of me.
I’m a lot like you, chicagowife.. I was planner and coordinator (I passed off a little DOC to a friend but she needed on-the-job coaching and prompting from me) so the only time I wasn’t worrying about what needed to happen next or what was where was during the actual ceremony itself. My SIL screamed at me during the rehearsal dinner, which my grandparents-in-law skipped (they also skipped out on our college graduation ceremony the next day, completely without warning — they are the type of people who are like "Well, I’m old and I don’t give a crap what you think :)), and I was actively involved in the day-before and day-of setup, as well as the teardown afterward. We stuffed all of the presents and leftovers around me into the car at the end of the day, and so my husband and I had to ferry things into the house before he could carry me over the threshhold (on one of those trips I ripped my train and spent the rest of the evening with it wrapped around my neck). Once everything was in, I stood in the bathroom reading him the directions for the privacy film for the window so we could actually take a shower that night. Oh, and we fell asleep freezing because there was a huge hole in our bedroom closet ceiling into our uninsulated attic. 🙂 EDIT: I just remembered that our landlord (a friend) actually popped over to our house between the ceremony and reception to make sure the furnace and electricity were actually functioning so we could stay there that night. Yeah, that was super stressful.
I remember the day fondly now, with some wry smiles at these annoyances, and if I could maybe I’d go back and tweak some things, but I have to say that being married 110% beats getting married. I love love love love being married, even though it is quite possibly the most frightening adventure I’ve ever been on, because I am on it with my best friend and favorite person in the world. OK, that sounds cheesy, but I’m sure ya’ll know what I mean. 🙂
Post # 8
Wow, this is the first thread that’s inspired me to post since my wedding (3+ weeks ago). I will admit it, my wedding went perfectly. No issues, a wonderful day. But was it the best day of my life? Gosh, I hope not! What else would there be to look forward to?? All through planning, I rebelled against the idea that the wedding the be THE.BEST.DAY.EVER. In fact, on three seperate occasions people were scandalized to hear me say "I’ve had a number of "best" days in my life, and I can’t wait to add my wedding day to that list. And then to keep finding ways to make "best" days keep happening for the rest of my life." Apparrently that sentiment isn’t ok, lol! Either way, all us brides have a lifetime of wonderful "best" days ahead of us with our husbands and families and I can’t wait to experience them. (stupid wedding industry propaganda strikes again!!)
Thanks to everyone who posted on this thread!!
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2009 - Ralston Hall Mansion
@IronMaiden: I love that sentiment!
Post # 10
I think that what people don’t tell you is that what makes your wedding the best day of your life isn’t the "big party" per se. It isn’t that this one particular song HAS to be played at this one particular time, or that any of the ten-thousand other little details that are designed to make you crazy as cat s**t go off perfectly.
I planned my wedding myself also, and by the end of the night I was so exhausted my eyes were crossed. My best friend and Maid/Matron of Honor was angry almost the whole time because I was too attentive to the other BM’s (some people act like real asses at weddings), I hated my dress, the owner of our venue was a nightmare to deal with (because she was old and set in her ways), people were bickering and we were long sick and tired of peeling off cash to pay for everything but too deep in to do anything about it.
Everyone says our wedding was beautiful and I truly appreciate that, but it was NOT the best day of my life for that reason alone because like Mrs. Cheese said, all it really takes to get married is the two of you and an officiant/witness. The things that made it great to me are when I saw my 16 year old son in a tuxedo walking down the aisle, or remembering how I felt the first time I saw my husband all dressed up (from the limo when he didn’t know I was there), or what it felt like when we were exchanging our vows. The standard to have the "perfect day" is so sickening that you literally have to kill yourself worrying over a million details or pay through the nose to even come close to that crazy ideal of perfection and you end up stressed out unable to even enjoy it. Don’t feel bad if you don’t think that your wedding wasn’t the best day of your life. Like some others have said, it’s not supposed to be. It’s just the jumping off point for more to come.
Post # 11
I am so relieved to read this thread. Our wedding was 8 months ago. Like many previous posters, I also never looked at my wedding day as being the happiest day of my life. However, until recently I haven’t been able to think back on our wedding day without feeling guilt and regret. NOT because of my husband, he is my everything and I definitely could not have gotten through it without him. I feel regret because I was too exhausted (jet-lagged and nervous so I couldn’t sleep) and frazzled from entertaining so many out-of-towners to really be in the moment and enjoy myself. I think my exhaustion rubbed off on others; I know it definitely showed in my face. And I feel guilt because of all of the family members and friends who worked so hard to make the wedding happen! However, reading Mrs. Cheese’s post about regret has definitely helped me see their generosity in a different light. It’s really painful to look back on this day with less than happy feelings, but they are slowly lessening. I hope one day to have forgotten all of the stress, exhaustion and obligation that I felt…and just be left with the happy memories. Because it really was a gorgeous day. 🙂
Post # 12
Oddly enough, my first wedding was THAT amazing. I did everything myself and it all came together like a Made for TV movie. And at the end of the day, it was a perfect…party. down to the last hand tied ribbon. That may be one of the reasons I’m having this wedding so low-key. I can’t imagine topping that day. Don’t get me wrong, I love the man I am about to marry. But once upon a time, I believed I loved someone else and at the time, beleived I could be no happier, and worked my asparagus off to impress every person who saw us say "I do." I was darn near genius, and spent the day partly just admiring what I had done.
This time, Fiance and I plan to have a wonderful Las Vegas vacation, and complete the mere technicality of signing on the dotted line, no hand tied ribbons required. It will be grand.
Post # 13
Thank you all so much for responding. I think it’s a relief to know that we’re not alone and we’re not bad people or bad bride for being realistic about out wedding days! Thanks so much for the support — I LOVE weddingbee! 🙂
Post # 14
I never went into the day thinking that it was going to be the BEST DAY of my life. Thank God! However I enjoyed it so much and I was not dissapointed with the results, I think I was beaming from ear to ear the entire day. Ultimately the day is what you make of it, and I"m sure there will be many more occasions that will be as great if not better in the future! I hope so!
Post # 15
Honestly, I hope my wedding will be my happiest day thus far. I want to be happier at my wedding than I was when the president of the university gave me my diploma when I got my BA (and believe me, that was pretty darn happy). But I think I’ll be happier the day Fiance and I unlock the door to our first house. The day I hold FI’s and my child in my arms. The day we watch them graduate. There are going to be other huge, life-changing, thrilling milestones in my life, and I don’t want the best day of them all, ever, to be when I’m 23.
Post # 16
As of now, without the pro pics to look at and reflect on, I would say that my wedding day (about 2 weeks ago) was not the best day of my life. I think that I will gain some perspective after looking at all my beautiful pictures and thinking about the things I didn’t even notice on that crazy day.
The day after the wedding was pretty amazing, though. Arriving at our beautiful honeymoon location and being together as husband and wife made me cry several times that day.
I honestly believe that anyone who says that their wedding day was the best day ever is not being realistic. The day I got my dog was amazing. The day my little brother was born was incredible. I am sure the day I have my first child will be remarkable. My wedding day was fantastic, but not the best ever.