(Closed) Confession: My Wedding Day Was Not the Happiest Day of My Life

posted 12 years ago in Married Life
Post # 32
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I haven’t had my wedding yet, but I really find planning it so stressful.  It’s not the wedding itself as much as dealing with the people involved (family & guests).  I find it so incredibly stressful, and for that reason, this isn’t a particularly enjoyable time.  Well, I do love being engaged, but I don’t think I’ll miss planning my wedding. I have a friend who wishes she could have another wedding, and I really want to ask her whether she could go through all this again.  I know that she had stressful family scenarios too, so I wonder whether she looks back (after 4 years) with rose colored glasses.

Post # 33
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

I am glad to read this thread. I’m still a few months out, but I am not planning on or expecting my wedding to be the best day of my life. Marrying my fiance will be the best moment of my life to date; I know it will be because we are like two puzzle pieces that were made to fit together. But we are doing a lot of DIY, including half of our menu and the entire desert bar. My family also is plagued with divorce and drama, so I’m expecting some conflict. I am definitely going to delegate before the wedding, and not be the one that is in charge of everything on my wedding day. Thankfully I’m very easy going and am not the type to freak out over something going wrong. But I’m not going to set myself up for the unrealistic expectation that everything will be perfect and that it will be the best day of my life.

I’m glad I’m not alone, and that it won’t be the worst thing in the world if it’s isn’t the best day of my life.

Post # 34
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

So true……… I don’t have one absolute regret about marrying my husband, but just sadness and regrets for the wedding.  If we could go back in time, we too, would just have eloped and spent the energy just fousing on each other instead of all of the wedding crap that sucks the life out of you……and that nobody even appreciates.

Post # 35
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think this is why I can honestly say that I think that my 2nd wedding-my encore-in a little over a month will be happier and fun. When I got married the first time-it was all of these crazy things that you all are talking about-worries about every little detail, crazy relatives, a thousand little details that I only I could sort out-this time, it is a simple ceremony involving my twins and our parents (with 100 or so of our closest friends….), but the planning has been relatively painless-even fun. It has been almost effortless to put together-all because I’m not really stressing over anything. I know that there will BE 37 children under the age of 9 ar our reception. I know it will be busy, I know someone’s baby will cry during the ceremony-we have a grocery store cake, one of the most inexpensive flowers we can get, and a church social hall brunch reception (not to offend anyone, but I swore I would never have a church social hall reception), our rehearsal dinner is in the conference room and on the patio at the Hampton Inn (out of town guests and family staying there with lots of little kids-made alot of sense to just have it there and people can just take their kids upstairs when they are tired.

Our life is different now-we’re both a bit jaded by the first time around-by jaded, I mean being able to look at life with a little bit more perspective-our life is nuts, we know it is-a crazy combination of “sex on the sly” (my twins are almost 6-VERY nosey), soccer games, church activities, kindergarten homework, birthday parties, play dates…and our reception is simply a celebration of that life-with those we love most-all of whom played some role in moving on from a broken heart and starting life anew.

That being said…I’m 31 days out and my dress is STILL at the seamstresses!!!!!

Post # 36
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I love what Mrs. Cheese said 🙂 She always knows what to say at the perfect time… so happy she is a Bee!

Anyways… 🙁 Weddings are a crazy emotional rollercoaster, aren’t they? They take you up and down and all around- make you feel like you could vomit, feel a giant pit of anxiety and worry in your stomach, and then kick you off the ride and make you feel like you could just fall over. BLAH!

I did ALL of the planning and coordinating myself, too. I didn’t sleep for months before my wedding- when I first started noticing my lack of sleep it was 6 months prior to the wedding already. I was going to bed at 3am and waking at 7am and doing nothing on the weekends as I would just lie tired in bed from all the hours I lost during the week. It was awful. I can’t say that it wasn’t worth it, though. My wedding was wonderful and was probably my happiest day so far, but the planning and the stressing? It took a major toll. I gained tons of weight, started canceling trips/outings/night outs with my friends… and eventually my now-husband. I was a little hermit. I refused help from everyone as I was too afraid that once someone sat down to help me they would look at what I was planning and think I was nuts and stupid to be “wasting” my time on projects that were both expensive and time-sucking.

We had an off-site reception and we couldn’t setup any decorations until AFTER our rehearsal dinner because the caterer couldn’t setup their tables/chairs until the Friday afternoon before our wedding. I wished the entire rehearsal dinner away, which should’ve been a celebratory, stress-free dinner because I was so worried about setup. Once we got to the reception site a few of my DH’s family members were there helping and they setup things all wrong as to what I had pictured in my head – some of things I never went back to fix as I didn’t want their time to be wasted and I didn’t want to seem like a Bridezilla in asking them to go back and re-do some things.

The planning/coordinating is a HUGE undertaking, but not necessarily something I would change as I would’ve had to pay a lot of money for a professional to do it. To to an extent, though, it does permit you from enjoying parts of your wedding. The morning of I was a ball of stress and still making phone calls/returning phone calls to ensure everything went smoothly…

Luckily, everything (almost at least) did, but did I get to ENJOY as much as I could have? Probably not. Yes, it was still the best day… but when we plan and coordinate I think we steal a little piece of the wedding from us. THE STRESS FREE PART! Thanks for your post 🙂 We are not alone 🙂

Post # 37
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

My wedding was beautiful but pretty terrible.  It caused a huge rift between my in-laws and I (long story, but my in-laws are pretty nuts).  I don’t think your wedding should be the best day of your life- what would you have to look forward to?

Post # 38
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think in general when people talk about your wedding day being the best day ever, it’s in reference to the fact that you are marrying the person who you will “hopefully” be with for the rest of your life…rather than the actual details of the day…the latter I feel is just wedding propaganda…

that said…were the events that happened on the day that I married my best friend the greatest that I have ever experienced? Hell no!…but was it a good day? of course! I had soooooo much fun, seeing my friends and family all together celebrating the union between me and my DH…I was very happy with how the day went…but hardly anything went the way that I had imagined for up to a WEEK before the wedding…but looking back, those things are so frivolous compared to the symbolism of the day that I choose to look at how I felt about marrying the man who I will spend the rest of my life with versus how the centerpieces were arranged, or how my hair looked or how we didn’t get to spend boatloads of time with everyone who attended…

Post # 39
8 posts

Thanks for sharing. Not many people will admit that. I feel the same way. I was an emotional wreck particularly because it was the first time in our lives that our familes had met. I come from a simple family and my husband’s family, althought they aren’t rich, they like to indulge so I worried about whether or not our wedding was posh enough for them and if their needs were being met. If I had to live my life again, I would’ve gotten married with just my husband, the pastor and a photographer. All the pomp and pageantry only looks good in pictures, but I don’t believe it feels genuine.


Post # 40
580 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My wedding was lovely, but it certainly was not the happiest day of my life. I’m sure my husband would agree! We love each other dearly but I can think of other memories that I would say were “happier”. 

I had issues with the photography on my wedding day, and I also felt stressed about leaving the reception. My best friend hung around too long at hers and all her guests left before she and her husband did…she didn’t get the send off she wanted, but she got married at 2:00 and did not leave the reception until after 7:00. It was outdoors and hot, so I think that was why people left. 

I didn’t want the same thing to happen to us, so I made sure that we left at what I felt was a reasonable time. That being said, I was enjoying the party and didn’t really want to leave. I just didn’t want people to get restless and leave before we did. 

Post # 41
24 posts
  • Wedding: December 2012

Oh my goodness, I’m so glad I am not the only one who felt that way!! Can I just say that I am a people pleaser and I spent the ENTIRE wedding thanking people and making so much small talk that when my husband and I finally drove away, I realized I had a TERRIBLE headache.  I had stressed so much over making sure I talked to each and every guest that I had hardly seen my husband and I had made myself feel awful by the time my honeymoon started.  You’re not alone.  I felt beautiful, special, and loved that day, but on top of all that, I felt stressed.  

Post # 42
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Our wedding day was also great and I was so happy to marry the man of my dreams, but it wasn’t the happiest day of my life. We sort of eloped, so the day wasn’t stressful at all. It was still really overwhelming and it actually took me few days to really get it that we are married.

Being married though is beyond awesome.

Post # 43
11050 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

View original reply
@Mrs. Cheese: Same here

Post # 44
2742 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

Thank you for this post. It makes me really focus on that I will want good sleep before my wedding. It makes me focus on what the day is about and not worrying about every detail as we’re planning. It also makes me thankful fiance after watching a couple of other weddings go down and seeing my anxiety rise let me do our wedding at Disney. I have a coordinator so atleast I wont have to worry about any of the details day of. I do know now though to really focus on making this day beautiful for us more than the guests, which I knew anyway but it makes me realise my decision in that isnt selfish but important for sanity in this whole business.

Post # 45
2153 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

So glad I found this thread too…if I ever get the time I will read every post…I have been feeling guilty that It didn’t turn out to be the best day or my life, or even the most romantic day of my life…you would think; Plendging your life to someone you are dead in love with would = crazy romance…but I am on the side of this was the most stressful experience of my entire life and I would never want to go through it agian…I do blame my family’s behavior and also jsut having so many people around us and it being more about them and their comfort than our happiness….was very distracting.

I had much better days on my honeymoon. When we got back we had another reception which I planned 100% on my own, and even that was a happier, more stress-free day than my wedding day. I can’t deny that the photos on my wedding day were exquisite, the dress, hair, flowers…location, you can’t even beat how amazing it all looked, but when it comes down to how it all felt…well, suffice it to say on the night before we were wed, It wouldn’t have taken much convincing on my part if my husband had tried to coinfince me to bail on the entire thing and hitch a ride to vegas in the middle of the night. 

Post # 45
1 posts
  • Wedding: October 2015

@shopaholic: I just experienced the same thing at my wedding last weekend. I did all the planning and details, made almost every piece of decor to save money, and relied on some family to get all of the last minute items set up (while I got ready the day of). When I arrived to our location, while I walked down the isle, and when I entered our reception, all I noticed was things that were done wrong or that were never set up to begin with.

Reflecting on it, I now feel like I set up this big party for everyone, I was the host.  Mind you, my husband was a huge help, but I was directing it all. When people would help they didn’t listen and I had to end up fixing everything. I was also making sure to not be bride-zilla, so I really did let a lot of things go, as I’m extremley laid back.

Nothing was a suprise to me though, since I was a part of every detail. My favoirte part from the whole day was our first look photos and reading our vows to eachother privately right after. Everything else just sort of felt

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