(Closed) Confessions of a booted MOH

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 18
Member
974 posts
Busy bee

@StuporDuck:  THIS!! Excellent points, all well made.

OP, my heart just broke reading your update. To lose a sibling so young…that’s a lot for you all to have gone through together. Perhaps, as you’ve felt you’ve grown stronger…your sister feels as though she just can’t handle it anymore. More than anything, it sounds like you need each other and finding that path back to each other is proving to be the stumbling ground. Time may be the answer…definitely take some time to get over your anger towards her as that is going to block your ability to communicate with her in a way that helps you both heal.

Post # 19
Member
2051 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

@prplebutterfly:  “The truth is I have moments after speaking to my mom where I need her to be there for me and I can’t turn to her..it kills me that I can’t turn to her.”

Does she know this? Does she know you need her too?

It sounds like your family has been through a lot and there has to be a lot of love there. Just remember that and try to (gently) remind her of that too.

Post # 20
Member
2837 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@prplebutterfly:  I think you should give her a call and calmly tell her what you mentioned in your update. To air it out in a way independent of her wedding will help you two open up about the feelings that were emerging in less than healthy ways. She might see that you need her, and she might realize that she needs someone herself. But it’s important to recognize your own limitations on what you are capable of giving, and communicating that to her. Also ask her what her limitations are on what she is capable of, and respect them. 

I think this problem is more than face value, but I also think that with communication, you two can get back to where you started, after you come to understand eachother. 

Post # 22
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@StuporDuck:  The way I read it, the mother has been saying for weeks that the sister doesn’t give a damn about her ill father.  Not that the mother doesn’t give a damn about the sister’s wedding.

Post # 24
Member
2837 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@prplebutterfly:  I apologize for misinterpreting that bit about your mother. 

Hang in there, and don’t be afraid to turn to the Bee when you need some support. I’m truly sorry for the situation you’re in, and hope your family can make some kind of amicable peace very soon.

Post # 25
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We would all love an update! Hope everything went well with your conversation with your sister.

Post # 26
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Perhaps your sister is using being a bridezilla to cover up for how she really is feeling regarding your father. Grief brings out interesting emotions in people, and projecting your feelings onto a wedding/the people helping you with the wedding is easier than discussing losing a parent, etc.

I hope you had a good conversation with her, and regardless of whether or not she asks you to be in her wedding again, I hope the two of you can help each other through this time.

Let us know how you are!

Post # 27
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

If anyone rips on you, they clearly missed the part where YOUR DAD’S DYING. I’m so sorry to hear about that, btw. 🙁

Geez… She’s being absolutely horrid. I’m not sure I believe it’s her way of dealing w/the grief, but who knows? Only you can judge whether or not her behavior may be rooted in avoidance. She’s hurting your mother very much, though, either way. It’s not right.

Like the others, I vote you calmly discuss it w/your sister. Maybe she’ll break down & realize she needs you now more than ever. When all is said & done, I hope the family bond strengthens.

Good luck!

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