Post # 1
Let me start by saying I LOOOOOVE my friends. I am extremely lucky to have some very close friends who are incredibly supportive and loving. My BFF, though she did turn me into a Brideslave, has always been there for me, day or night, through some REALLY outragiously horrible situations over the past 20+ years. My GH (that would be Gay Husband- my male BFF of 9 years) and his SO have gone above and beyond time & again from setting up my mom’s funeral reception while we were at the church to paying my cell phone bill for a year while I was unemployed. I just have incredibly wonderful generous friends.
WHY must my best friends have weddings in the most inconvenient way possible? BFF had a semi-destination wedding (Read: too short a distance to fly but we had to drive through mountains & nowheresville for 5 hours). We stayed all weekend because she got all teary eyed when I said I couldn’t afford more than one night. The ceremony itself was just their immediate families + me & my Boyfriend or Best Friend, so they’re having a reception which I’ve helped with. That means I spent weeks helping her plan the ceremony and MONTHS planning the reception and her wedding celebrations (shower not included) have taken a 3 day weekend PLUS another day for the reception.
Now GH, who moved a couple states away last year and the vast majority of his guests (myself included) are flying in from CA, just informed me that his wedding will be next summer ON A THURSDAY. Look, I get that wedding venues are way cheaper on the weekends and being broke I totally get it but seriously? THURSDAY? That means my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I are going to have to take THREE DAYS off just to be there. I might have actually gone up on Wednesday anyway if they were marrying on the weekend so I could help, but BOTH of us taking off that many days and it’s JUST for the wedding itself seems really stupid.
I know some of you will say “A wedding invitation is not a summons” and I could totally just not go, but I want to support them because they are awesome friends and I know they would be really hurt if I didn’t show. All I’m saying is when did it become perfectly normal to totally inconvenience your guests?!
Not looking for advice, really, just to vent. Don’t do this to your guests, bees!
Post # 3
I’m sure when your friends picked out their wedding days they didn’t do so because it would be an inconvience to their guests. They probably picked where their wedding was going to be because it means something to them, and it’s their day 🙂
Post # 4
@MexiPino: That stinks but as someone contemplating the logistics of having a wedding I can tell you that there is absolutely no way for them to make every guest happy.
Post # 5
We still haven’t officially heard that the wedding we were save-the-dated for on Thanksgiving (the whole 4-day weekend) on a cruise is off. Haven’t received an invitation, either, but still have the “book your rooms now!” on the fridge. Did hear at one point that the wedding was before the cruise maybe? I’m not paying over $1500 to vacation with you because you don’t want to pay for a reception. I also would have been really pissed if I did book the cruise to show up and there not be a damn wedding.
Post # 6
Oh, man! First a Brideslave, then a Thursday wedding?! Geeze! Way to make it hard on a gir;’s finances!
Post # 7
As someone who had a “semi-destination” wedding (aka-not far enough to fly/several hours driving for guests) I don’t see what the issue is. If you have friends/family across the country you can’t please everyone so you just need to pick a location.
Now if they served cold food, or chose a hotel that was $4000/night then I could see why you would be annoyed. But just because it’s in an inconvenient location for you doesnt mean they are being rude.
Post # 8
Whenever someone posts asking about a wedding on a “non traditional” day, most people usually say, sure, no problem but don’t get mad if people can’t attend. I personally would never have a Thursday wedding because I actually want people to come and would fully expect my guest count to drop in half if I did so. With that being said – they know what they got into by choosing the date. Don’t go. Get them a really nice gift, wish them well, but times are tough and it’s not reasonable as an out of town guest to make it on a Thursday. Don’t fall for their tears or guilt trips – sometimes you just have to learn how to cry harder and make THEM feel guilty instead of the other way around.
Post # 9
@MexiPino: YEP get your point completely.
My BFF from HS had a semi destination wedding as well (3 hr drive) and ON MY BIRTHDAY lol. Had all of these plans that really didn’t go well with my school schedule (She was already done), and honestly we haven’t really kept in touch much. She moved 12 hours away to a different state which I am sure contributed to it but I do have ill feelings.
It’s like if someone calls you and they make a big deal about you being the 2nd Maid/Matron of Honor and then say ‘Oh By The Way, the date I want is your Bday, is that cool?’ WHAT ARE YOU GONNA SAY NO?!?! ugh!
Post # 10
Having a wedding on a thursday is ridiculous. That’s no way to be a good host!
Post # 11
@MexiPino: god could have wrote this thread…just booked 2 weeks annual leave from work and spent 1000euro for flights for a destination wedding…only allowed stay at the destination a max of 7 nights as they are using the location as their honeymoon!!! Oh and coz there are no direct flights- so no direct flights and fligyts only available on certain days so hence having to take two weeks off….gerrr!!
Post # 12
@MexiPino: Oh man, I understand your pain, thats brutal! Can you please write this in a letter to my FI? He doesnt seem to think that inconvencing people is a big deal “It’s our day, we can do what we want” to which a reply “within reason, you butt” lol. I head him off at the pass, it’s no problem, but really!?! Your points are duly noted, I am doing my darndest to ensure that our wedding isnt a hardship for anyone 🙂 Sounds like you have great friends, who are totally worth the extra days vacation though!
Post # 13
@MexiPino: All I’m saying is when did it become perfectly normal to totally inconvenience your guests?!
When this became the ultimate motto:
“It’s your day you do what you want.”
I always say it’s not YOUR freakin day if you’re having guests! It all pisses me off from not giving your guest’s +1, to selecting which kids you like at your wedding adn which ones you don’t, to saving 1000 dollats to have your wedding on a Thursday.
I want to shake these people and let them add all the days their guest’s need to take off vs the pay these people loose and it’ll topple their savings. It is rude as hell.
Post # 14
@Bostongrl25: I don’t think I said it’s rude. I just said it’s inconvenient to have a wedding several hours away when everyone in the small wedding lives within half an hour of each other. I went and didn’t complain, but that doesn’t mean I’m not getting increasingly annoyed as every “not rude but super inconvenient” wedding comes along.
@Charliejeorge: Exactly! I know it’s “their day” and I am very happy to celebrate with them. I’m not going to just not go because I love them and really want to be there. But man alive… it would be REALLY nice if I didn’t have to use all my vacation time every year for these crazy weddings! Whatever happened to just getting married where you live on a Saturday?!
Post # 15
@Atalanta: Exactly. There’s a balance between having the wedding you want and being a good host. It is “Your Day” but do you want your guests to all be annoyed at you throughout it? I dunno… when GH was talking about how it was less expensive if it wasn’t on the weekend I just assumed he meant he might have it Friday but this is getting ridiculous.
Post # 16
@MexiPino: OMG! I hate midweek weddings. Sure we got married on a sunday, but it was memorial day weekend so 90% of guests didnt have work on Monday.
One of my friends got married on July 1st this year. Thats right – it was the Monday on the week of July 4th. And it was in Alabama…not the best place to be in July. AND the worst part was 3 people out of her bridal party and her godparents work in the same company that had a shutdown the following week. We asked her to change the date from July 1st to July 8th but she wouldnt. That was incredibly inconvient of her – and as a PP post said – its not just your day.
It also really bothers me when people have really long gaps between their ceremony and their reception. We went to one wedding where the church was over an hour away from the reception hall…and there was a 4 hour gap.