- 5 years ago
I just need to get some outside perspective on a small situation I’m having with my Future Mother-In-Law. We have a great relationship and I really like her, so this is the first time we’ve butted heads on anything and I’m just wondering if it’s even worth fighting over.
FH and I are getting married in June at a place a little over an hour’s drive away. It’s going to be a pretty casual wedding. No bridal party, farm animals, short and non-religious. Future Mother-In-Law wants to host the rehearsal dinner for us, which I am very grateful for! FH and I are unfamiliar with the town our wedding is going to be in, but we found a restaurant at our caterer’s recommendation that we love and visit every time we go out there – the food is delicious, the atmosphere is great.
They host small events in a room for less than 30 people, but they don’t do that on Friday nights. So we decided we’d do a rehearsal lunch instead, because we really wanted to host it there. With basically immediate family, the offician and +1, and a small handful of very close extended family, we are just under the max capacity. No bridal party comes in handy. Whew! So we get put down for a Friday brunch.
Until Future Mother-In-Law visits from out of state for Thanksgiving, and we take her to see the restaurant. She says she wants to invite all the out of town guests — which is like 75% of our guest list. I balked. That’s a lot of people, and I don’t want this to be a big to-do. She said she at least wanted to invite X number from their side, which still puts us over the max capacity. I suggested that we’d like to also host an informal brunch the morning after, that maybe that could satisfy. But no, it’s traditionally the groom’s family’s gift to host the rehearsal meal, and she wants to put it on the way she wants it. Decorations, etc. Her thing. She was pretty stern about that.
So I am just feeling annoyed that:
- If she invites all these people, we won’t be able to have it at the one restaurant FH and I know and like
- Since we haven’t been to any other restaurants in the area and Future Mother-In-Law lives out of state, we’d likely be tasked with the footwork of driving out multiple times and finding another appropriate restaurant to hold it at
- We’ll lose the intimate meal with close family I was shooting for
- I feel guilty that Future Mother-In-Law wants to spend a bunch of money on something that’s not really important to me personally, when she doesn’t have a lot of money to spend to begin with
Despite all that, at the same time I think I just need to let it go. It’s not really a big deal. It’s not the actual wedding. If she wants to put on a big meal and invite a bunch of people, I should just let her. It clearly is making her happy and is important to her to fill this role, and I know she’s doing it because she’s excited and wants to contribute.
What do you think? Thanks in advance!