Post # 1
My fiance and I have been abstaining for nearly a month. I am starting to struggle with this. I really miss the closeness and the connection. Last night we went out and I almost decided to come inside his apartment. We would have almost certainly made love because of how the night was going. It will be even harder because my parents are about to be gone for over a week very soon. I don’t want our relationship to suffer. Is it really that bad for an engaged couple to sleep together?
Post # 3
I think asking a public message board is the wrong place for your question.
You need to create, and stick by whatever YOU feel is right ! I don’t know why you are abstaining, but you know why you are and there must be some significance. If you need the world to give you a get out of jail free pass, then you may want to re-think why you wanted to abstain to begin with. There is no right or wrong answer, however it needs to be YOUR answer 🙂 Do some soul searching!
Post # 4
In my personal opinion, it’s absolutely not a bad thing. But if you feel that you are prohibited from doing so for religious reasons, and that sleeping together would be a sin or something, you have to decide which is more important.
You could always cuddle…if you’re not drinking, you could just stop when you felt it was going to go too far.
Post # 5
Well it is a personal decision – and it is between the two of you and you don’t have to feel the need to tell people if you are or if you aren’t making love.
My personal opinion is it isn’t bad it brings us closer together and it is a great stress reliever lol. I wouldn’t be able to stand the tension! If you two have already been together sexually then I don’t see a problem in continuing that bond 😉
Who made you feel that it is bad to sleep with your fiance? Is it a religious thing?
Post # 6
I’ve just flicked through your previous posts and this is clearly something you’re having a really hard time with.
To me, it seems as though sex is something YOU really want, but you’re afraid because you’re going against your religious beliefs.
Are you abstaining because you feel guilty? Or because you genuinely believe it’s wrong?
I personally believe there is nothing wrong with sex before marriage, but you need to decide what you believe and not let outside factors influence you.
Don’t let it become an issue in your relationship, if you love the closeness that intimacy brings, you should do what makes you happy!
Post # 7
Church and religion are big factors. I had originally planned to wait until marriage. I gave in after we were completely sure we loved each other and marriage was in our future.
Post # 8
@KristenTN152: You know, since you’ve had sex before, I don’t think it’s a big deal to have it again. You know you love him, you know you want to be together…so what’s the big deal?
Why is your religion against having sex before marriage? You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.
Post # 9
@Eva Peron: Agreed.
If you truly believe you should abstain than you should try your best to do that. We all fall short of perfect, however, so giving in doesn’t make you a bad person; just as long as you try hard in the future to prevent that from happening.
For me personally, I do not see premarital sex as a black and white thing, but it sounds like your religion and beliefs do. You need to pick the choice you can comfortably live with.
Also, some people may tell you that if you’ve lost your virginity, it’s stupid to try and abstain at a later point. Again, this is about your personal beliefs. I think that argument is irrational but that’s something you need to decide for yourself.
Whatever you choose, stick to your guns and good luck!
Post # 10
The belief is that sex is to only be between one man and woman in the context of marriage. Anything outside of that is considered sin. I am so conflicted with how I really feel. Most of my friends are telling me to just follow my heart. One of our college leaders even told me that every relationship was different and that love and commitment levels were all major factors.
Post # 12
The only one who can decide that is you and your fiancé. Personally, you already did it, so what’s the point of abstaining now?
Post # 13
I really recommend that you try reading Rob Bell’s book SexGod. It’s a beautiifully-written, thoughtful book about faith and sexuality. It might help you clarify what you believe is right and then hold to it.
Post # 14
Thanks for the opinions and ideas. All of you have valid points. We need to make a decision and stay with it. I just wish I knew what the right decision was.
Post # 15
The right answer lies in your heart. FH and I have been abstaining for about 3 months now, and still have 3 to go. We live together, and share a bed. It gets difficult at times, but we are committed to abstaining. Some days are harder then others, and that’s when we set up boundaries.
Post # 16
@angelaandchet: If you don’t mind me asking, because I’m truly curious, if you’re living together and sharing a bed, how is that any better than going ahead and having sex? I absolutely don’t mean it as rude, I just couldn’t think of a more eloquent way to ask…lol. It’s one aspect of religion that I’ve never understood – because wouldn’t that be almost just as comprimising of a position to be in? I went to a southern baptist college, so needless to say this topic was something that was talked about all the time.
OP, I think you should only abstain if in your heart of hearts you feel morally and spritually convicted to do so. Abstaining for the sake of doing it because you think it “should” be done, is really no better than doing it when you know in your heart you shouldn’t. FWIW, I have no problems with premarital sex – I myself lived and bought a house with my faince before even getting engaged and obvously we were not abstaining. I guess I just figure if it’s so important to abstain for the few months leading up to the wedding, why wasn’t it from the beiginning?