(Closed) Conflicted about how I feel…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Men love the rut!  You gotta shake him outta it!  As a woman married to a man eight years her senior as well, I get it.  They’re set in their ways, they like things done a certain way and that’s fine, go do it your way or say thank you and shut up!  Send the daughter to a friend’s for an overnight, jump Mr. 23 like it’s your job, take some time to reconnect and you’ll see, the guy you fell in love with is still in there, he’s just got two tires in the rut.

Post # 4
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think it is important to establish each of your contributions to the relationship.  Unless he is fully supporting you and you are not going to school, you really shouldn’t be doing all the chores.  You need to establish who will do what chores.  For example, you do the dishes and he takes out the trash.  If he complains about the way you clean, tell him to do it himself.  Also, make sure you set aside alone time and couples time.  It is important to have romantic time for just the to of you.  Cook a nice dinner, get a bottle of wine and a movie.  It sounds like you just need to bring the romance back into your relationship.

Post # 5
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Figure out exactly why you’re unhappy. Verbalize in a non aggressive way. If it doesn’t change THEN you can become alarmed.  

Even if your wants/needs seem unreasonable or unwarranted to others doesn’t change how you feel and what it takes to make you happy. 

 

Also investigate the feelings of “his” daughter vs. “my stepdaughter.” 

Post # 7
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@TattooedChick23:  It’s only been a month, and living together is a BIG adjustment.  I agree with Babycat… if he’s working/supporting you, I don’t think it’s asking too much to do the majority of housework.  Is that the case?  If so, did you go from your parents house (where they took care of all of that for you) right into this situation?  If so, perhaps this has to do with your adjusting to being a homeowner and taking care of business! 

Regardless, he should NOT nitpick or micromanage what you do at home.  And if you need him to pitch in, he needs to do it.  Bottom line – COMMUNICATE!!!  If you don’t ask for what you want, you get what you deserve.  And that’s nothing! 

This is most likely growing pains.  If you are both open and honest with one another, and are willing to make some changes, you will have a long and prosperous relationship!  Best of luck!

Post # 10
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

When I first moved in with my Fiance we both got caught up in the business of living together– sounds like you’re there too! The puppy makes you happy because it’s not business!

So, I would nip the feedback on your contributions in the bud. If he wants it done a certain way, he can do it himself! I think I said to my Fi the first time: “well, love, I’d be happy to watch and learn” handed him teh vacuum and went to get my nails done. Later on, I told him that I didn’t appreciate it and we made a deal: if you’re that picky, you just nominated yourself to do that job (for life)! We were both laughing and it was funny, but it also was firm and mutual!

Other than that, do something fun together… tell him you feel caught in the business and need him to shake you out it. Let him fix it!

 

 

Post # 11
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@TattooedChick23:  I’m guessing it is because you feel so burdened down by menial chores that even someone you adore is becoming a bit of a chore. I hve a similar relationship with my darling grandma. Love her, but helping take care of her on top of everything is elfing exhausting.

Post # 12
Member
2914 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

1. I don’t think this is abnormal. I think this is a typical, to-be-expected part of adjusting to becoming someone’s full-time partner.

2. Sit down with him and tell him what you said in your original post — that you feel like you’re doing a million chores and on top of that like he’s unappreciative and has lots of complaints about how you do things. Tell him it’s really, really affecting your quality of life. I believe that how he responds will tell you what you need to know.

3. Chances are your lack of libido is hormonally related, and you’re right to suspect the BCP.

 

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