(Closed) Conflicted about when to tell immediate family and very close friends

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 17
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Congrats! We haven’t begun TTC yet, but are in the midst of wedding planning. I think we would wait until the 12 week mark, maybe even later. We don’t live near our family, so this would be possible. I’m having a hard time stomaching a lot of the comments from well-meaning family and close friends during wedding planning. If it were a pregnancy or the unfortunate miscarriage, I don’t think I could handle it. Our family and friends are supportive, but for me, this would be something I’d want to be private.

Post # 18
Member
2662 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

rittenhousenewbee:  That sounds like a great plan. Enjoy this time of it being your little secret. 🙂 I hope your appointment goes perfectly and you get to share your exciting news with loved ones soon.

Post # 19
Member
9820 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

We told our parents and super close friends/siblings pretty much ASAP.  I wouldn’t have a problem telling them about a miscarriage or leaning on them for support so why keep it hidden?  I wouldn’t announce it to every you know right away but I can’t imagine waiting until 12w to tell someone I’m best friends with.  Just tell them not to tell anyone.

It depends on your first appointment.  Mine doesn’t do an ultrasound and we didn’t get to hear the heartbeat until 9-10weeks either.  So my first appointment was bloodwork, it doesn’t tell you anything about your pregnancy.

Post # 20
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My best advice is to do whatever feels right to you. I wanted to wait until we were more sure things would go well. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage – we still told people after and still had support but were grateful we didn’t have to “untell” anyone. It was hard enough talking about it but it seemed easier to say “I have some really bad news. I was pregnant” than “Remember that great news? It’s gone.” My second miscarriage we didn’t tell anyone. Our sticky baby we waited until 12 weeks to tell anyone and then we got to do the big fun reveal. During the first trimester, I felt very protective of that info and didn’t really want to share it. After we had our 12-week scan, I felt much more comfortable talking about it.

Post # 21
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

rittenhousenewbee:  Good call to wait until 8 weeks, that must be so hard!

I think I will tell one or two close friends right away so that I have a few people to talk to about things. I’d like to tell my mom immediately but she has a big mouth. The last time I asked her to keep something on the DL she announced it to EVERYONE at the thanksgiving dinner table! My biggest fear is that she would tell the entire family and then if anything happened it would be very public. Ugh. If I had a miscarriage and told her after it would be easier. She just gets so excited about good news. 

That said, there’s no wrong or right. Whatever feels best to you is ok. Congratulations! 

Post # 22
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I told my husband, mom and best friend right away. We waited until I was 8 wks to tell my inlaws and siblings (on christmas day). I miscarried when I was 11 wks. I do wish that I waited to tell my inlaws and siblings until I made it to the 2nd trimester since it was hard telling them all that we had lost the baby (missed miscarriage). We are currently ttc again and I am going to wait until the second trimester if/when I get pregnant again to tell my inlaws and siblings.

Post # 23
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Our Lady Scapular and Inn on the Twenty

We just told my family this weekend and I’m about 8 weeks.  I was hesitant but I’m over at their house quite often and was starting to show.  In the end i was glad i did, i burst into tears right away since it’s been killing me to tell them.  They will be a great support system if anything were to happen.  We’re telling my DH’s family in two weeks when he comes back from work. 

Post # 24
Member
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

rittenhousenewbee:  I told my best friend the week we found out and gradually started telling people. I am at almost 11 weeks now and all of our immediate family and closest friends now know. I think it is such a personal thing. My thinking was that if something were to (knock on wood) go wrong early on then I would want that support. It actually felt like such a relief to tell people and people were so happy. Do whatever it is that makes you feel comfortable because there is really no right or wrong thing to do.

Post # 25
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

We told a bunch of people already… my husband told his best friend, and I’ve told three girlfriends. They all knew we were TTC and were waiting anxiously for news. We’re telling my Mom on Friday and Mother-In-Law on the weekend when she gets home from vacation.

I’m really struggling with keeping my secret at work because we’re all so close, and my husband wants to tell our niece when she sleeps over this weekend, but I’m still on the fence. She’s turning 11 in May and she’s a smart kid– jonesing for cousins, but is that fair to her if anything were to happen?

Post # 26
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We told my parents at 7 weeks because we were attending a brunch at their house and I was feeling soooo sick. Later that day we told my Mother-In-Law, because she’s awesome. 🙂 Otherwise, no one knows yet. (10+3 now). I’m having lunch with my bff next week, and I’m going to tell her, and then everyone else will be told Easter weekend (when we will see our families next), so by then I’ll be about 14 weeks. I’ve already had 3 ultrasounds because of some early complications (subchorionic bleeding) and we got a good, strong heartbeat at 7 weeks. I’m dying to tell more people, but we’ll have another ultrasound at 12 weeks or so, and I’ll feel better after that.

Post # 28
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I guess we’re really good at keeping this babe a secret. I told my mom and sister right away, but other than my hubby, so 3 people, no one else knew until 15+ weeks. Just in case of miscarriage. Some people still don’t know yet and we’re at 20 weeks now. Only close family and 2 friends of mine.

Post # 29
Member
1983 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m not pregnant, never have been. But as of right now. I think I’ll only wait until the first doctors appointment (happens at 9weeks?). The way I rationalize that is, even if I do end up having a miscarriage I will have at least my immediate family and close friends praying for me. And I’ll tell everyone else after the first trimester. But I have a feeling my family and his will have a hard time keeping the secret for 3 weeks. So we might end up just telling everyone adter the first appointment, or we may just wait. We obviously still have time to think about this.

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