- 3 years ago
I have been lurking on WB on and off for quite a while (mainly on engagement and wedding-related boards), but this is my very first post of my own. Apologies if this ends up a tad long, the question I have is pretty straightforward, but I wanted to include some background for context.
SHORT VERSION: I am not sure if I should I tell my SO that the apartment I own was gifted to me by my long term ex?
LONG VERSION: I have been with my current SO for 1 year. I’m 29, he’s 32, neither of us has previously been married or engaged and we have no children. I currently live in the apartment that I own while he lives in the house he owns about 45 minutes away from me. We have discussed our future and seem to be on the same page. The plan is to move in together in the next few months and get engaged before our 2-nd anniversary. We’ll probably be engaged for about a year before getting married to allow us a bit of time to save for a wedding.
My SO never intended to keep his current house forever, but rather buy it, fix it up, sell and hopefully make some money to then purchase a better property. The house has been on the market for about 6 months as he’s been holding out for a good offer and it looks like he’s finally gotten one. We decided that we’ll wait for the house sale to go through and then rent somewhere together. When we move, I will rent my apartment out as I don’t want to sell it for a number of reasons (happy to elaborate on this, just not sure it’s relevant). We will purchase a house together after we get married.
Last night we were talking about all of the above and a topic of how much rent I can expect for my apartment came up. We were chatting about whether I should go privately or via a property management agency when he said something along the lines of: “You know it won’t be hard to find tenants especially if you aren’t looking to make a ton of money on it at the moment because really as long as it covers your mortgage you are fine, how much is your mortgage currently?” Then his phone rang, it was work-related and he ended up stuck on it for a while. When he finished his conversation it was pretty much bed time and we didn’t go back to our conversation (but I know it won’t be long before we do).
Bees, I haven’t got a mortgage on my apartment anymore. I originally purchased it completely on my own (as in using my own savings for the deposit, solicitor fees, kitting it out, etc.) and was paying mortgage and all the bills for a couple years. During that time I was in a long-term relationship with the man who I thought I’d eventually marry (he seemed to think the same at the time). He was and still is what you’d classify as extremely wealthy (I’m cringing as I’m writing this Bees as I don’t want it to come off wrong or like I’m bragging in some weird way, but I feel like it’s important to the story). After 3 years together he basically bought my apartment for me as a gift. All I’ll say here is that I could never imagine him doing that, I thought (and still think) it was very extravagant and I didn’t accept is straight away – it took some convincing I say this to hopefully avoid gold digger judgment… Anyway, we were together for 2 more years after that before eventually breaking up. I moved out of the house we shared and went back to living in my apartment before meeting my current SO a year later.
My SO and I have spoken about our past a little bit at the start of our relationship. I know what happened between his ex and him and he knows what happened with mine (nothing dramatic and our exes aren’t a part of our lives now). He sort of knows my ex is a wealthy man because he’s a well-known businessman in the area. However, we’ve never discussed my mortgage before because… well… why would we?
So my question is, if you were in my shoes, would you tell your SO your ex bought your apartment for you or keep it to yourself? I’m not even sure why I’m stressing about it this so much… I guess a part of me is a little bit worried he’ll judge me and another part thinks he might feel a bit intimidated. However, this is a man who I’m hoping to get engaged to soon so I wonder if it’ll cause more damage if it comes out later on?
Thank you for reading my novel Bees, all thoughts and advise welcome xoxo