Conflicted about whether I should disclose this to my SO or not… WWYD Bees?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you tell your SO your ex bought your apartment for you as a gift while you were together?
    Yes : (115 votes)
    78 %
    No : (24 votes)
    16 %
    Depends (please explain) : (8 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 31
    1259 posts
    Bumble bee

    happyliciousbee :  

    I wouldn’t personally volunteer the information; however if he asked I would tell him. There isn’t anything that you did wrong.

    Post # 32
    1184 posts
    Bumble bee

    I would be honest about no mortgage. If asked further I’d say ‘it was my mortgage alone but part way through a long term relationship my ex made some substantial contributions to help’.

    Don’t say it was a ‘gift’ as that sounds like “my ex bought me a house” and not only is it not true, it might rub your current partner the wrong way or leave him feeling worried that he can’t do that. 

    Post # 33
    685 posts
    Busy bee

    I’d definitely tell my SO my ex bought my apartment for me. I don’t see it as that big of a deal. It’s important to not walk on eggshells around each other and to be open. If he loves you, he shouldn’t judge you harshly for that.

    Post # 34
    334 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    Definitely be honest and say that he paid off your mortgage. If I were in his position and later found out you essentially lied about having a mortgage I would be very hurt.

    Nothing wrong with what happened, so nothing wrong with being honest with your partner. 

    Post # 35
    8266 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Yes, what everybody said really . No one gave you an  apartment  ( I hate ‘gifted’  – where did that  come from as a verb!?) he just paid off the remaining  mortgage.  And that ‘s  how I’d phrase it personally  . It’s  not a confession of anything , just a statement of fact .

    Because you are so obviously  self concious about it  and so obviously  NOT a gold digger,   try not to let it make you feel or seem guilty about anything. You were just lucky , or rather you just have  the knack  of attracting  nice men!

    Post # 36
    316 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    Why would it be an issue? you said yourself you bought it with your own deposit, he chose to help out later with the mortgage, it’s a great gift. If my fi had an apartment that was completely paid for I wouldn’t care who had given it to him or why they had. 

    Post # 37
    150 posts
    Blushing bee

    If you are going to be married and plan a future together, you really shouldn’t be concealing important financial information like that fact that you own a flat with no mortgage. But if I was in that situation and learned you had no mortgage my first question would be how come you have no mortgage.

    Honest is the best policy. If you hide it or lie, it will come out eventually. It might be an awkward/difficult conversation in the short term, but it will be a lot worse down the road if you are not fully truthful.

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