- 5 years ago
I would be really grateful for some perspective on engagement rings.
My fiance and I decided to get married after 6 years of dating, but without a ring or anything. I was almost universally asked how he proposed and what the ring looked like, so from the beginning I felt kind of defensive about the whole thing. No, we don’t have a ring yet! Yes, we are actually engaged! Yes, we’ll get a ring eventually!
About a month later we went to a jewelry store and I picked out the first ring I tried on, a simple band with a few small diamonds. I know that this was idiotic of me and I should have looked around and realized that this isn’t actually what people traditionally do. I just figured I didn’t want some big flashy ring, the ring wasn’t too important to me except as a symbol from him, and something that he seemed to really want to do, and that everyone around me really wanted him to do.
But the response to the ring has just made me really sad in a way I didn’t expect. From “you picked out…a wedding band?” (which sounds a lot more judgmental the tenth or eleventh time you hear it), to “Oh…”, to people just looking at me with abject pity, my heart sinks when I go out in public with it sometimes. I try to remind myself that this is what I wanted: I wanted a vintage ring, I wanted it to be a reasonable price, I didn’t want a big honking diamond. But I feel really stupid. I also have never worn rings before, and I find it really disconcerting on my finger, and it reminds me of all the reasons I never wanted an engagement ring in the first place – I’m terrified of losing it, I feel like people are judging it all the time, etc. The whole engagement ring thing feels like a contest that I never planned to enter, and now I’m in it and feel really awful about it.
Also every second of brain power I spend on this makes me feel like a worse person than ever, because who cares about the ring, the ring doesn’t matter, it’s materialistic to want something else (I don’t even know what I would want – not some big-ass diamond, but just something that doesn’t seem to confuse people?), the important thing is getting married to the love of my life, etc. But it’s just always there on my finger!
Anyway I just wondered if anyone has ever had conflicted feelings like this and how to get over it. This is just too many emotions to have for a whole year.