(Closed) Conflicted engagement ring feels

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 2
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You just need to put you head up high and do whatever the hell you want. Dont get some expensive ring you dont even want just to appease the masses. Just tell them “yeah I wasnt into the whole engagement ring thing. I love this ring.” Thats all they need to know.

Post # 3
3302 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

People are too focused on the fripperies these days. My parents didn’t have an e ring, my father bought my mother a diamond and sapphire ring a few years after marriage. Don’t let the reactions of others dictate your own feelings.  

Post # 4
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

View original reply
tacowedding:  People say some really stupid things sometimes don’t they? Their judgement says a whole lot more about them than it does about you. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and that your priorities are in the right place. I know it doesn’t do much good to say “screw ’em,” it’s hard to ignore people’s judgement. But take comfort in the fact that once you’re married nobody will care a lick about your ring. And for now, yeah, screw ’em 😉

Post # 5
954 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

If you chose a ring you love, you need to own it. Who cares what other people think about it? You love it, that’s all that is important. You are making this WAY too big of a deal.

Post # 6
10309 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Who cares what people think? Its your ring, mot theirs. Honestly, no matter what you had picked people would make rude comments. You just have to ignore them.

Post # 7
3313 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
tacowedding:  can you post a pic?

Either way if you love the ring that’s all that matters not everyone else. So it’s a wedding band, so what. You lead an active lifestyle and didn’t want stones.just a ring to wear as an outward display of your taken status. You can just get it blessed at your wedding and then will be your wedding ring. You might not hace space on yoyr finger for two or more rings. 

It’s your ring, you love it, end of

Post # 8
286 posts
Helper bee

Just tell them NO it’s not a wedding band. It’s an engagment ring in the style I wanted and I’m comfortable with. People get so caught up in what everyone else is doing. Be proud you did your own thing 🙂 people’s words can hurt. Don’t let someone’s expectations damper your happiness 

Post # 9
5145 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

Eh, I would just not let others get to you. Why does it matter what they think or don’t think?

My husband and I also got engaged without a ring. We did go and look at rings after with the idea in mind I would pick one out, but I just decided to opt out of a ring entirely before we got married (after is another matter as I have added some rings since then…). I had a couple people ask about it, but not quite the negative reactions you seem to have (or be assuming). Most just agreed you don’t need a ring to be engaged, committed, and so on. Somehow my husband and I managed to get married despite the lack of an engagement ring, and we are very happy several years later.

A simple band seems just fine to me, and I have seen a few women have bands as engagement rings, some with stones, some with not. In some parts of the world, a band IS the engagement ring. Don’t let other people’s beliefs about what an engagement ring SHOULD take away your joy 🙂

Post # 10
1256 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Do you love it?  That’s what matters!

All this fuss will wear off.  Are you planning to get another ring as a wedding band or not?  If not, once you’re married people will assume you just wear a band – which plenty of people do – and everyone will shut up.  If you get another band, people will assume you’re just stacking a few pretty bands and people will probably shut up.  If you do want a more “engagement” type ring (in quotes because an engagement ring is whatever you and your fi decide it is – and doesn’t have to be a ring or a material item at all!) you could do that as your “wedding band” and wear them and then it would look like and e-ring/wedding band set.  

In summary – people will probably shut up eventually. Enjoy your pretty band and your fiancé!

Post # 11
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
tacowedding:  If you don’t like wearing it, don’t wear it. Pawn it, even. You’re just as engaged without a shiny bauble to show off.

If wearing more than one piece of jewelry isn’t a problem for you, you could get whatever ring you want for your right hand. You could see how you like wearing it on your other hand, and switch them if you feel like it. There are no rules here.

I picked out a stoneless gold band for my engagement ring and I love it. I do feel like I avoid the ‘contest’ you mentioned that comes with stones, and to paraphrase a Vogue article the lack of a diamond is exactly the kind of statement jewelry I dig. It’s low profile, comfortable and in a price point that if I were to lose it (god forbid) it would be easy to rebuy. I doubt fine jewelry will ever be a priority for how we spend our money. 

Anyway, the best thing to do is stop giving a shit what people think of your ring or lack thereof. If they’re “confused” about you not wearing a .70 carat princess cut Tiffany’s solitaire but still being engaged, that’s their problem. 

Post # 12
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Sea Cider

View original reply
doberman:  points for use of “fripperies”.

my mother didn’t have an “engagement ring” until I was 11. my father bought her an engagement Singer. 

I initally picked out an engagement ring that fit in with the rings in my family. . .but the setting wasn’t sturdy enough for me. we wound up going a different direction entirely when we picked a new setting, so now it doesn’t “match”, but I like it better.

do what feels right to you.

Post # 13
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - historical mansion

I can definitely relate to a lot of what you are saying, but one thing that I feel like is missing from your posting is how *you* feel about the ring that you chose. It almost sounds like you regret picking out the first ring that you looked at and you don’t like it that much? If that is the case, perhaps save it to be a wedding band, or maybe you could trade it in to the store where you bought it. As other commenters said, how you feel about the ring is all that matters. People are going to be judgemental no matter what. Some people will feel that a ring is too flashy, and others will feel that the same ring is too small. You can’t please everyone, but you should certainly be completely happy with your own ring as it is something you will wear every day. I, too, never pictured myself wearing a ring, but my BF wanted to get me one, so I did a bunch of research and we bought something customized a couple of weeks ago (I don’t have it yet). So, while I originally didn’t think I would ever wear an e-ring, i am now excited to get it because it’s something that I put a lot of thought into, so maybe you can start over and really think about what you want. Hope that helps! 

Post # 14
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Ontario, Canada

Like pp’s said – ignore what other people say. It’s a new thing so people ask. In a few months or a year or when you are married no one will really care anymore and you’ll be left alone. I think when you are engaged everyone is just like “Oh! let’s see the ring” as it’s just the expectant thing to do.

Post # 15
3151 posts
Sugar bee

There is an easy solution.  Have a plainer, less expensive ring as an engagement ring and then go for a more blingy and expensive ring as a wedding ring.  You could even choose a solitaire for the wedding ring if that’s what you want.

This is honestly the way round we all ought to do it.  An engagement ring only represents a promise to marry.  A wedding ring represents the marriage itself.  Therefore the wedding ring should be the more expensive and/or more beautiful object. 

You could start a trend for this kind of thing.

The other point to make is to enjoy your jewellery.  Rings can be a lot of fun.  Choose a really lovely wedding ring.  It doesn’t have to have huge diamond but that doesn’t mean it can’t be well designed and thoughtfully made.  Be extravagant if necessary.  After all love is remarkably extravagant – marriage is intrinsically about throwing caution to the winds.

P.S.  Insure your ring(s) and then don’t worry about anything being damaged or lost.  These things are just things.  It’s the love that is important.

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