(Closed) Conflicted Over Bridesmaids

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If you miss that friendship, could you ever lay those feeling out and make up?

Post # 4
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Honestly people just grow apart and there is nothing wrong with that.  My BFF and I were BFF from 2nd grade through senior year in HS.  We grew apart and I knew it.  We are not friends now and that is ok.  Just because you have been close to someone in the past does not mean you are close to them now.  10 years ago my bridesmaids would be different than today.  Don’t feel guilty about not choosing her because you two are no longer close.  You picked the ones you feel the closest too.

Post # 5
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You mentioned 4+ people that you asked to be bridesmaids (Whew! That’s a lot in my book!) and though you may not be super close with any of them, you are still achieving what you hoped: to share the day with important people in your life. Although you grew apart from your old friend and although the friendship has suffered, it is a very kind and thoughtful gesture to invite her to the wedding. Try to absolve yourself from feeling obligated to make her a bridesmaid. In fact, I would advise against it as currently the friendship, first and foremost, is not 100% repaired. Give yourself a break and give the friendship some more time to heal and stabilize. Use your remaining time before the wedding to pump up the other friendships with your bridesmaids — grab coffee or lunch, go out to the movies together, do some fun non-wedding related things and show interest in their lives. Be a friend to them and they will be to you.

Post # 6
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I am in a similar situation. I had two best friends in High School. We stayed friends thereafter but as time passed, we sort of drifted apart, and now we hardly see each other. I also had a fall-out with both of them a few years back but have since made up. However, although we are on good terms, we not as close as we use to be. In fact, I don’t think either of them deserve to be my BM’s if I look at the way they treated the friendship. I understand that people grow apart, but besides being apart, there were just too many times that they had let me down whilst I was always the one going out on the limb for them. BUT, being the soft person I am, I considered them nonetheless.

I have now decided to go for a friend who, although not very close to me, is more of a good friend to me than the two of them. I met this girl shortly before I met my Fiance and I in fact met him on a night that I was out with her. My Fiance also gets along with her much better than the other two. I know that the two of them are probably going to feel awkward about it, but they will just have to accept it. It’s a very special day for me and I want special people to be part of the wedding party. I have chosen my future SIL as the second Bridesmaid or Best Man simply because I think she is a great person and is extremely close to my Fiance. I therefore want her to be part of it.

 

I honestly don’t think you have to feel guilty about not choosing this friend and she should understand too. It’s courteous enough that you are inviting her to the wedding. It is going to take time for your friendship with her to heal completely, if ever, and you don’t want it to be awkward at the wedding.

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