- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
My mother is pushing my fiance and I to have a very small wedding with roughly a dozen people in Ontario. She is admant that we have it there because it’s only a few hours away from where she lives and far away from my Mr Cappugcino’s family so it will keep the guest list way down. Any time my wedding comes up, she repeatedly says she thinks it should be small and simple.
Part of me feels she’s right and I can see her point. Our budget isn’t large, Mr C’s family is enormous, and I can see where being able to drive things to our venue would be easier. I’ve been looking at blogs of small but pretty weddings and trying to convince myself that it’s the way to go. I feel like it’s what I SHOULD want given the economy and the fact it’s more practical. But if I’m honest with myself, it’s not remotely what I’ve wanted.
The first wedding I ever saw as a little girl that I can recall was the royal wedding of Charles and Diana. And while I understood I would never have something on that grand of a scale, it left a lasting impression on me. I always dreamed of a big wedding. Not so much expensive. Just something elegant with a hundred or so people celebrating. I’m worried that with a dozen people it’s going to end up being more like a family dinner.
Mr Cappugcino only cares about us getting married. It wouldn’t matter to him if there was just the two of us or two hundred people. So this is just me selfishly wanting this. I feel horribly guilty and like I’m a bad person for not just going along with the small wedding.
I’m thrilled about marrying the man I love and know that the marriage is what’s ultimately important, not the wedding. But planning the wedding, I feel incredibly sad and depressed because I feel like my mom is railroading me into something that’s nothing like I wanted and because it’s what’s practical, I’ve got a sense of guilt and self loathing for my feelings.
Last night during a hormonally fueled crying spell, I finally confessed to Mr. C what I was feeling. His opinion is that we need to plan the wedding without my mom’s input in the Vancouver area where he and his family live and to try to get as close to my dream wedding as our budget will allow. It’s more expensive there than in the London, ON area but he’s got a lot of friendors who would be happy to give us free services or for the cost of materials so it would still be doable and I’m very good at DIY.
I like the idea but it will make my mother furious. I’m not talking a little angry. I’m talking a meltdown a la Disney villainess – no exaggeration. She will be vicious, snide, and never let me forget it. She’s been making some impossible judgements on wedding stuff already such as telling me in the space of 5 minutes that $1500 for a professional photographer is way too much but not to use a friendor who will do it for free because she had a non-pro friend who was going to do her pics for her first wedding that backed out. Which if I’m not supposed to get a pro and not supposed to use a free friendor, I’d like to know what exactly she thinks I should do. *rolls eyes*
Also, theme I want would be hard to do on our budget for very many people. I really wanted a baroque/rococo/marie antoinette (however one wishes to phrase it) theme and I’m not sure how it could easily be done on a budget. Shabby chic was my second choice, I could perhaps opt for that instead or potentially marry the two themes. But not quite sure.
Given our budget, our options are:
12 people in OntarioPros: My mom is happy. It’s practical.Cons: I’m not happy.
30-50 people in Vancouver with a baroque themePros: Close to my dream wedding.Cons: Long distance planning, furious mother, and Mr Cappugcino will have to choose between some of his family to keep list down.
100 people in Vancouver with Baroque themePros: Dream wedding, not having to cut out very many peopleCons: Long distance planning, furious mother, and would potentially have to wait an extra 6 months to save extra money unless we could find just the right deal on big ticket aspects.
100 – 150 people in Vancouver with Shabby Chic theme**Pros: No one cut from list and within budgetCons: Long distance planning, furious mother, not as close to my dream wedding, and would have to do a lot of DIY and some of the catering.
** If we do shabby chic, we could maybe do some photos in an upscale hotel lobby so we have a few pics that are the baroque style I love.Not sure if I could marry the two themes together somewhat.
I’m feeling really overwhelmed and completely unsure of what would be the right thing to do. On the one hand we have a fair amount of time to make up our minds, but given that either way I’m going to be planning long distance and will have to organize all appointments into a couple trips, not to mention that if we go the Vancouver route it’s going to take a year or more to ensure getting a choice venue at a good price.
Suggestions would be welcomed.