Conflicting Wedding Dates With Familys Wedding!? Tacky, or…?

posted 6 months ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
4767 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

introester :  not what you asked, but I’m curious, is he sure he’s getting a refund this year? The whole tax overhaul changed a lot of things, not to mention the government shut down. They now say refunds will be processed during the shut down, but that means bringing back people who were furloughed to work without pay, so there could be legality issues

The bees will have some good input on what you asked, I’m just curious if he’s started to look at his taxes

Post # 3
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2020 - Ireland

introester :  do not put off your wedding and happiness for someone else, family or not. It’s pretty appalling to me that your family is already giving you push back for considering getting married in 2020 as well. It’s not your fault that your sibling had a 3 year engagement. I say this as someone who will likely be in a similar situation – my ring is being made right now, and I’m helping my brother sort out his ring for his girlfriend of 10 (!) years. Hell, we’ll probably be engaged at approximately the same time – I told him to do it at my 30th birthday because both of our families will be there (we’re close with her parents and brother). 

Whats your sibling like? Do you think they are the ones with the issue of getting married in the same year and are stirring the pot and encouraging your family to criticize you?

Post # 5
Member
2861 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

introester :  I agree with PP, relying on a tax refund in order to buy a ring sounds.. like not the best plan.

 

I personally would not wait until 2021 just because my sibling is getting married in 2020, don’t do the same month but not being able to get married in the same year? That’s not a thing and your mom is being ridiculous.

I would plan the wedding when you want it, and pay for it yourselves that way your family can’t dictate anything.

Post # 7
Member
450 posts
Helper bee

I would say it is not “tacky” but if it is in the same month as your brother’s wedding family might have to pick one wedding to go to depending on how far away they are. 

Post # 9
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

introester :  We planned our wedding in 5 months and it was fine. DH’s sister had been engaged for over a year and they got married two months after us, and that was also fine. 

Is the sibling also a girl? If so, are your parents the traditional type who would contribute financially to all of their daughter’s weddings? If you need their contribution, then that’s the only concern I’d have. It would be hard for them to pay for two weddings close together. 

At that point, you’ll need to consider what’s more important to you. Would you rather not have to wait and get married when you want, or would you rather have your parents’ financial support?

If they have mentioned they’d help financially before, I’d alert them to the upcoming proposal and the dates you’re considering to get a better idea of what they can and want to do and how that would change based on your date selection. 

Post # 10
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2020 - Ireland

introester :  yikes. All of that is incredibly hurtful even for me to hear, and also sounds like a very toxic family dynamic. I say get married whenever you damn well please (agree with pps maybe not in the same month) and of course don’t count on financial help. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to come. And if they come anyway and start crap, they are asked to leave. Do NOT tolerate this kind of treatment from anyone, family or not. You are not someone’s doormat. What does your FH think of all this? 

Post # 11
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

It really depends – does a large portion of your overlapping guestlist need to travel for the two weddings? 

If not, then I don’t see a huge issue with having them a couple months apart.

However, if a lot of people will have to travel for both, that makes things a bit more complicated.

My fiance and I are spacing our wedding a full year out from my brother’s wedding because so many of our guests have to travel for both and we don’t want to put them in a position where they are either overwhelmed with too much travel all at once or where they have to choose one over the other.

Post # 12
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - York, ME

introester :  Why don’t you just start planning your wedding now then if you’d like to do an October 2019 wedding?

My Fiance and I started planning in August and didn’t get “officially” engaged until Octobter.  We knew we needed to set a date and start getting things in order ahead of time, because we wanted a May 2019 wedding.

Post # 14
Member
4767 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

introester :  did he explain why he doesn’t want to start planning now?

Post # 15
Member
1439 posts
Bumble bee

Ok, I am all on board with the you only get one day mentality. However, from a practical perspective when it comes to siblings and from the POV of someone who went to a wedding this past summer that was within 3 months of her twin sister’s wedding….give yourselves at least a season difference as a buffer between the two. Otherwise ppl will treat your weddings like a 2 part event and may only feel obligated to attend one of them, especially if travel is involved.

I know that’s not the general bee advice but given your concerns, I would want it to be treated as a separate event entirely. 

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