Conflicting Wedding Dates With Familys Wedding!? Tacky, or…?

posted 10 months ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
6828 posts
Busy Beekeeper

4-6 months is plenty of time to plan a wedding if you want to get married this summer/fall. 

That said, I subscribe to the notion of “you only get one day”, but you also need to consider your guests. Are they travelling? It’s a LOT to ask of them to travel/spend time/spend money to attend 2 weddings in one month. I don’t think its tacky to plan it like that, but out of respect for my guests I’d try to give more of a buffer. 

Post # 19
Member
2115 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

One question: How old are you? 

If you all are ready to get married and start a family, then just get married this year. You can easily plan a wedding in a short time period. If you would rather wait until next year, then do it in September. It will still be lovely out, if you do it at the end of the month you will get some fall leaves/colors, and you each get your own month. Or if he is getting married in Early October, do it in early November. It sounds like your family won’t be supportative whenever you get married, so do it when you want and move on! 

Post # 20
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Personally I’d have a short engagement if it has to be fall. But I’d also be a bit irritated that my fi refused to start planning sooner when it’s he who wants a fall wedding. 6 months is enough time (I had an 11 month engagement but there was at least a 3 month ‘dead’ time during which I couldn’t do much until the RSVPs came back.) With a short engagement you might even benefit from a late cancellation.

I’d also plan a wedding with my own money. 

Otherwise, I’d abandon the idea of fall and get married in winter (either this year or next).

What do YOU really want? You seem very swayed by what everyone else wants. 

Post # 23
Member
4661 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

introester :  I got married 8 weeks after my brother and cousins were 6 weeks apart. You get a day not a month or a year but logistically 2 weeks apart might be easier.

Eta we booked our venue before the ring and before we announced. Lots of people I know have done this.

Post # 24
Member
1107 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

You could still plan a wedding with 4-6 months notice. I would start making a short list of venues, caterers, florists, etc. It also doesn’t hurt to get quotes without committing to anything, as it is just doing research. That way once you have the ring, you can get moving quickly.

If you want to wait until 2020, I would not worry about what your family does, as long as you are not in the same month. You could plan a couple months ahead in the summer. Waiting several years to appease someone else is not fair to you.

Post # 26
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

If roles were reversed and your wedding date was set, then your brother says “hey, we’re getting married and decided to do it 6 weeks BEFORE your wedding!” Would it be a big deal? Would family go to his and miss yours because they couldn’t/wouldn’t travel twice? If you think it would be a non-issue and most people are local I say go for it. Otherwise, I definitely agree that even 4 months is enough time to plan as long as the venue is available. You don’t need to go behind your boyfriends back and put a deposit down on a venue, but you certainly can be “planning” by picking bridesmaids dress options, flagging some dresses you want to try on, pricing flowers, etc. Unless your fiancé would be disappointed if he wasn’t involved in those decisions then of course wait, but I’ve never met a groom who cared about flower and dress choices. Then in the 4 months you guys can finalize the details of venue, food choices, music, etc. Just go dress shopping as soon as the ring is on your finger so you have time for it to come in and alterations. It definitely can be done and I agree with the PP that wedding planning doesn’t need to take long and there’s lots of down time. I’ll have a 9 month timeframe to plan and I’m halfway through it, everything has been done since basically the first week. I was all excited, got it all figured out and then you just wait and finalize closer to the date. I only see needing a long time if it’s a destination wedding or if the venue you’re set on books way far in advance. 

Post # 28
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

introester :  Well, honestly for me Family is more important than decor and my “dream season”. I really do understand, I always wanted a fall wedding. It didn’t work out that way and now we’re getting married in May. Very…not fall. Could you just peek at some winter, spring or summer ideas and get used to the idea of changing seasons? Of course you need to make whatever decision you feel works best for you and is most important, but just wanted to offer a suggestion since it sounds like you’re going to need to compromise somewhere. You’ll need to change your plans or family will be hurt. It won’t be a perfect scenario no matter how you slice it, you just need to choose what you’re willing to budge on. Maybe by doing a late fall/winter 2019 wedding or an early spring 2020 wedding it’ll be enough time to save financially and also maybe far enough apart that family would be ok helping financially also. Just a suggestion though! 

Post # 29
Member
2452 posts
Buzzing bee

Toxic family dyanamics aside, I think my big concern is not putting too much of a burden on any guests who overlap both lists.  People who would be invited to both weddings may have travel costs, hotel/food costs, wedding gifts to buy, possibly buying something to wear, possibly paying for childcare during the wedding, not to mention taking time off work if need be.  2 weddings in a short time span can be difficult or financially impossible for some people.

Post # 30
Member
1744 posts
Bumble bee

Sansa85 :  Agreed. My CPA just sent an engagement letter which mentioned there were issues with the published IRS withholding tables so a lot of taxpayers were underwithheld and will owe taxes.

And OP it’s called a refund if you receive your money back after filing a tax return. Sorry just a pet peeve of mine.

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