Post # 1
Need some honest assessment of our situation. My daughter was engaged in Feb 2012, and within a month or so we had booked the venue and the wedding date of 5-25-13. She also had her colors picked: tiffany blue, tan, brown theme with the bridesmaids wearing tiffany blue.
Another not so close friend engaged shortly thereafter set hers as 4-28-13, which was not a big deal since my daugher isn’t in the wedding and she is a casual friend.
Then another friend (I’ll call her friend B), also a bridesmaid, got engaged in May. She has now set her wedding date of 4-27-13. Although I thought this was rude, this date did not bother my daughter. However, friend B has now chosen a color theme of purple/blue (the color being tiffany or very close to it!) and her bridesmaids will also wear blue. There are 4 girls involved who will be in each wedding (my daughter and friend B included), so they will also be asked to buy dressed in virtually the same color a few weeks apart.
This color choice did upset my daughter. There was a big blowout about it, and my daughter was told that she was being selfish, immature and insecure for expecting her chosen colors to be honored, and that she could accept friend B’s decision or not, as in not be in the wedding. Friend B said she did not care about anyone else’e plans, feeling,etc; this was her day and no one could tell her what to do.
I think it is an issue. And to call my daughter selfish, when friend B is the one who set her wedding date before my daughter’s, then chose a same main color, seems borderline narcissistic especially considering some of the things she said to my daughter. She expects full acceptance of any/all her decisions. I frankly don’t believe she is a “good” friend, and if it were my decision she wouldn’t be a bridesmaid. When you set your wedding dates so close, unfortunately there are things that have to be considered/compromised. We now feel we have to keep all our wedding plans secret so as not to be copied/stolen!
Are we being unreasonable?
Post # 3
Well their weddings are a month apart and blue is a pretty common wedding colour. I also think blue/purple and blue/brown will look very different (I like yours better btw!)
The dress an look really different too depending on style and fabric choice, I can understand you being annoyed though!
I think that she has the right to use blue – for all we know she always loved the colour and would have always used it anyways and she shouldn’t have to give it up – however it is not an excuse to be mean to your daughter.
ps I wouldn’t give her anymore updates just in case they get used 😉
Post # 4
I feel bad for your daughter and I’d see why she’d be upset because it sounds like the friend is quite close. With that being said…I’m sure some people may say you’re not being reasonable because colors don’t become off limits just because someone else has them. I mean, yeah, it stinks and I’d be super ticked off but you can’t stop them from having the colors they want anymore than the other girl could stop y’all from using them.
I think what she did was kinda crappy but if she’s always wanted those colors then it’s her right to have them too. Yaknow? I dunno, this probably didn’t help you much. If the friend is being rude to your daughter than it’s probably in her best interest to not be a bridesmaid. Better to not involve this girl in your daughter’s planning because it sounds like it could lead to trouble possibly =/
Post # 5
Your daughter doesn’t get to dictate other people’s weddings, not to mention colors. She’s being selfish.
Post # 6
The fact is friend b hasn’t always wanted that color. She had thrown around many other color choices, and had even once commented oh well I don’t want to use the same color as you. She’s gone from pink, to silver/blk to green/purple.
And yes, if it brings additional stress to the wedding planning it would be better for her not to be a part.
Post # 7
Oh we are keeping our plans a state secret. Sad, because you usually like to share details with all as you go along. Now the only bridesmaid we feel we can is the Maid/Matron of Honor, who is not a part of the main group of friends.
Post # 8
I kind of think it’s silly. Just because you got engaged first and planned your wedding to be over a year from your engagement doesnt mean you can call dibs on dates or colors. I personally don’t think her friend should need to make any considerations or compromises on her wedding just because another friend picked her date first and her wedding is a month afterwards. The whole thing is just ridiculous. I agree that she should not have called your daughter names, but honestly, people need to just relax and chill out. It’s just a wedding!!! It’s 6 hours of your life. Who cares what color the bridesmaids wear!?!?!
Post # 9
@MidwestBride2012: I agree. There is a finite number of colors in this world and Tiffany Blue is a popular one. It is rude and selfish to tell a friend she cannot use a specific color. You don’t get to call dibs on colors. Besides, it’s not like the color combination is the same! Blue and brown/tan is going to look way different than blue and purple. Your daughter needs to apologize to her friend for over reacting. Also, it shouldn’t matter at all that her friend is getting married before your daughter.
Post # 10
Yes, you’re being unreasonable. I understand you want to protect your daughter, but she has no “right” to dates, colors, etc. Her friend can do whatever she likes.
Post # 11
@TexasMomof2: If this other girl has changed colors so many times already she probably will change her mind again. Don’t let it stress y’all out. It’s nothing that you guys can control — color options and dates are always up for grabs. I see why you’d be upset though
Post # 12
She’s not trying to dictate the wedding, but to expect a bit of respect for her own already made plans should not be extraordinary. I’ve seen friends or relatives actually push their wedding dates back so as to avoid stepping on another’s wedding. It’s what real friends do. And again, my daugher had no issue with the date. A lot of the problem was in the demeanor of friend B, My daugher was over the color issue in a day; the other unnecessary things that were said brought distrust and perhaps a permanent fissure in the friendship.
Post # 13
Thanks, we are now going to concentrate on our own plans; and we will take it as a challenge to do better.
Post # 14
@SuperDuperBrit: That’s a good point! I didn’t get set on any colours until I saw things and liked the colours and just kind of happened!
But even so tiffany blue stain dresses vs tifanny blue chiffon with different accent colours will look very different on the day
Post # 15
@TexasMomof2: I’ve seen friends or relatives actually push their wedding dates back so as to avoid stepping on another’s wedding. It’s what real friends do.
No, that is not what real friends do…it’s sometimes what relativers do if there are lots of people from out of town where the families will have to choose between their wedding. But friends? Friends are happy for their friends when they get engaged! Why on earth is a one month buffer not enough for you and your daughter? And tiffany blue is a pretty popular color, and really no one besides you and your daughter is going to care about or even notice that – most guests are not going to remember your daughter’s color scheme a month after her wedding.
If you seriously think your daughter’s friend is borderline narcissistic because she chose a popular color your daughter picked too, and she dared to have her wedding in the same season as your daughter…I think you need to get a grip. Harsh? Yes. But also true. Your daughter is getting married and that makes her a grown up. Let them solve this one themselves, don’t insert yourself into this stupid drama that is really not your business. But if I were you I’d be encouraging my daughter to loosen up and not lose a good friendship over something as stupid as a color. And the date is a total non-issue. You and your daughter are the narcissistic ones here if you actually expect this friend to put her life plans on hold because your daughter apparantely needs the entire month before their wedding to be devoted to them and only them.
Post # 16
I have some friends who are getting married a month before me. They got engaged 7 months after me. I’m friends with both of them and actually had a hand in setting them up.
It’s hard, but I’m dealing with it. It’s caused some issues. I’m known as the planner in my group of friends and I feel like they are kind of leaning on me to try to figure out what we are doing.
The groom tried to schedule a surprise shower for her on the day of my shower. They have stolen ideas for favors from me. It’s a mess!
Just make sure that you inform them off all the dates that are important like showers and bachelorette parties and try to make sure they don’t have schedule conflicts. And don’t share details like favors and centerpieces, because they might like your ideas and try to use them, putting you in a bind because it’s like you are copying them.
The friend might change her colors by the time the wedding comes around anyway. I know I did halfway through.
I wouldn’t worry about it. Your daughter should be happy for her friend and they can go through this rollercoaster together, rather than fighting with each other about it. Weddings bring lots of emotions and selfishness, try not to get caught up in it this early.