Conflicts on my husband spending a lot on his brother

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

Difficult situation, is the brother trying to find a job but can’t? Or have some sort of health problems? Either way, the wife could work. If everything else is just fine other than the brother and his family being absolutely lazy, then your husband shouldn’t encourage them for further laziness by providing. 

Post # 3
1823 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Do you and your husband have joint finances?

Why does his brother not work?

What culture are they from?

Post # 4
1439 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Is your husband helping his brother with big expenses like rent/mortgage, food, etc? How often is it the brother is out of work? I guess I’m asking if this is a reoccurring pattern or a one time bad situation for the brother? 

Culture can play a lot into the expectation and norms between siblings. So it’s harder to not play the role of older sibling and feel ok about it. For example I am the oldest of 3 girls and gave my youngest an allowance when I started working and she was still in school, paid for her cellphone  and always paid when we would go out. That’s just what the eldest does. If she were in a tough spot and out of work, I would definitely help her out until she gets back on her feet. But she isn’t the type to drag them either. My husband doesn’t quite understand the dynamic (different culture) but he would never tell me I can’t help my family when they need me. 

So maybe be a bit more understanding of his role unless he is jeopardizing your own family’s needs for theirs. There is a difference between helping and enabling the brother so he is too comfortable being unemployed.

Post # 5
764 posts
Busy bee

If your husband feels strongly that it’s his duty to look out for his younger brother, this doesn’t sound like new behaviour. So I’m guessing that either his younger brother and/ or his wife were working and self-supporting before you married and your husband is temporarily helping them through a rough patch. Or else this is ongoing behaviour and you expected this to change after marriage. It’s unclear which scenario is going on here? Can you provide us with a bit more information. 

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