(Closed) conflicts on where to get ready..help!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

That’s tricky. I can see both sides (I’ve lost my father too, so I know how painful it is). If it were me, I’d probably get ready at my mom’s to make her happy and feel better. But at the same time, your mom needs to stop making it about her. It’s totally understandble that she is greiving and may have a difficult time, but she needs to be there for you.

Post # 4
Member
5883 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Can you do something special at her house in the morning to honor your Father? Like have breakfast there and say something special, sing a song or look through photo albums or pin a picture of him in your bouquet? Something that makes her feel like he isn’t forgotten. But then get ready at your Future Sister-In-Law house since that is just more convenient.

Good Luck!

Post # 5
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee

Why doesn’t she get ready at her place, then go to your FSIL’s for a little while to be with you… maybe close to the end?  Not sure if you’re having your photog there, but she can be there for a few pics, helping you in some way.

IMO, she’s being selfish and should understand its your day and should be there for YOU.  You’re grieving too, it can’t be all about her.

Post # 8
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I know that everyone deals with the grieving process in different ways. I’m trying to figure out how to respond without coming across as being insensitive…you are also grieving his loss- you won’t have your father with you on your wedding day. It sounds like being at your mother’s house would add more sorrow than joy to your day.

You need to be where YOU are comfortable. As the bride, you’ll have the most emotions of anyone that day. Is there a third “neutral” location you can pick- the hotel where you’ll be staying that night, for example? Another friend’s house?

Post # 10
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

What a sad situation, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I think you should get ready at your SIL’s house if that’s where YOU will be most comfortable. Of course you want your mom to be comfortable but I’m sure deep down under the grief she’s dealing with, your mom wouldn’t want your day to be marred in any way.

I agree with @mmsva that maybe a compromise is possible.

Like breakfast at her house the morning of. That could be a very special time for the two of you. Also maybe think of a way to minimize the number of people at your SIL’s house during the getting-ready time. Could it be your mom is worried about getting emotional in front of people she doesn’t like/know very well? In that case trying to keep it a small group could help too.

Post # 11
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

How about half and half?  Hair and makeup at your FSIL’s and dress and champagne at Mom’s?  I think having her present when the dress comes on will probably be the most important to her since they like to cry at the finished product and she’ll love to be the first to tell you ‘if your father was here…’  You can take just your Maid/Matron of Honor and another Bridesmaid or Best Man so you’re not squished, and it will feel more intimate…?  🙂

I don’t agree with the ‘she’s just being selfish’ sentiment.  She’s a new widow, from what I have been told, it’s very different than losing a parent.  She needs some support ESPECIALLY on a day that she thought she would be sharing with her deceased husband.

Post # 13
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think you need to appease your mother *some*.. the half and half works.. just spend some time alone with her.. Maybe just tell her for you please after you spend time at her place, to come to your FSIL’s and help you get ready alone privately. Unfortunatly nothing is going to make her happy, and even if they did get ready at your place she would still be grumbling because of Future Sister-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law. Anyways.. I would pull a bride card gently, because you don’t want to lose your mothers friendship through all of this. 

Maybe your brother can talk to her and calm her down? 

Post # 15
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@xfhbabix:  Stop pulling out the gray hair – it triples!!  LOL

Oh honey, having too many people that love you and want to help you get ready is not something to stress about, you should be touched.  Just be thankful for those you have and remember to focus on the positive – your new life.  It will all work out.  🙂

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