(Closed) Confued and tired of waiting…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think there is a lot of pressure on men to provide and have things set for marriage, babies etc.

You guys will want to work on your communication in setting goals regarding your future that include compromise. I know how tough it is to wait when you just want to get going with your life and future!

I promise time will fly by and things will work out 🙂

Post # 4
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

No your not wrong fo wanting to be together now, but you gotta keep in mind how men are. Men are the leaders of the family. Most men usually want things to be completely situated so that they can provide and take care of their family. Most men, do not want to have to rely on their parents to help them through tough times. I KNOW its difficult and sucks to have to wait, but imagine if you two do get married and heaven forbid you have financial or emotional issues… what then? Try to be a little more patient and I’m sure it will pay off.

Post # 5
Member
6746 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I am from NY where getting married at 20 is considered extremely young and nearly unheard of.  My friends and I are all around 27-29 y/o.  The older ones got married last year and the year before, my friends just got engaged this year, and I’m waiting for a ring but probably will get married next year.  I’m certainly in no rush. 

I really think you need to step back and ask yourself why you want this so badly.  Why do you want to be such a young mom?  I feel like at that age, you barely know who you are and what you really want out of life and it’s very easy to make a mistake.

My sis married at 19, had kids starting at 22, and wishes now she had waited and went and finished school.

Perhaps the fact that your FI has been putting it off makes you want it even more? 

Are all your friends getting married and having kids and is that something that is influencing you??

I don’t really believe in anything religious, but if you do, then don’t you think if it was meant to be, it will be?  Maybe there’s a reason why it’s not happening right now and you should just wait and let nature take its course. 

I also wonder how much of this is you wanting to get married and how much is you wanting to marry your FI.  You say that you don’t want to wait around for him – but if you wanted him, you would want to wait until the both of you are ready.  I think you want the idea of marriage more than you want HIM. 

Take into consideration that the divorce rate is much higher among people who marry younger than it is for those who wait until they’re older and take some time to think to yourself about what you really want and why and maybe you will see this isn’t something you want as badly as you think it is.

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
3042 posts
Sugar bee

I think his parents are just looking out for him. They are probably worried that he will marry & have a baby & have to quit school. 

Slow down! Even reading your post made me a little dizzy. Life is not a sprint. There is no need to hit every milestone at the same time. Let things happen naturally. Go out and enjoy life as a great couple- don’t worry about the label. 

For the record I notice a lot of young girls on here are waiti for marriage and rush to pick someone, anyone. This is risky because you still have a lot of changing and growing to do. SLOW DOWN. 

Post # 8
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@mamadingdong:  Agree.

What’s the rush???

Post # 9
Member
6746 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@mamadingdong:  +1

I really think you need to take a step back and realize that you guys, while adults, are still very young.  There’s so much life left to live, don’t try to live it all at once. 

There’s no way in h*ll I would ever turn back now and marry anyone I dated when I was 20.  I was a completely different person then.  I have changed and grown so much through college, law school, dating people.

And I don’t disagree that he should finish school first.  There’s really no reason to rush.  Your relationship can grow without you guys spending nights together and living in the same house.  And if you care about him and your future together as a couple, you should want to be supporting him. 

You do realize that by pressuring him to marry you now, you’re also adding to his stress?  I’m sure it’s not a good thing for him – he has his parents pushing him in one direction, you in another, and he probably doesn’t even know what he wants for himself, yet. 

If you care at all about him or the relationship, I implore you to back off and let nature take its course.  What is meant to be will be.  You have to believe in that. 

Post # 10
Member
2842 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@heartsoul:  I agree with the other posters. Wait until he is done with school.

Post # 11
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Talk to him and explain where you’re coming from. Try to get him – subtly not forcefully – to put his foot down with his parents and say he wants to get married now. I don’t see any reason why ya’ll should keep waiting, and I definitely understand the frustration of having to wait cause of family issues. In the end, if ya’ll still have to wait, then just try to be patient. If you love him as much as you do and feel he’s worth the wait, you can make it. A couple years now won’t make a huge toll on the rest of your lives together. It’s hard, moreso when you want to be with one another physically but can’t, but you can do it.

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