(Closed) Confused?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I think you posted this twice. So I’ll just paste my other response.

Well since he is asking you to go to premarital counseling,  I would think you should do it and see where that takes you.  Perhaps you can discuss this with the counselor in private.  Then he/she can either bring it up to him in private or with you.

It’s a bit confusing why he seems so excited to talk about future stuff, but then gets aggaravated when you bring it up.  Just asking, but is there some way you broach the topic that’s off putting?  Is something going on, such as he wants to be sure he can save up the money to buy a nice ring or support having children etc?  Then I could see emotionally that he is ready and wants to talk about marriage, but that financially, he gets frustrated because he feels like he can’t afford it yet.  (And you bringing up the subject makes him feel bad.)  But that’s just a guess on my part.

Post # 5
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

It looks like a little time is needed before deciding whether his new pro-marriage change of heart is related to ambivalence, or a sign of something more. I really believe that men have to come to this realization on their own, and when they’re ready for a little push from you, it will be startlingly obvious.

My advice in this situation is to leave it alone. Relax. Just be yourself and trust your instincts. Enjoy the other great aspects of your relationship and avoid looking for "signs" (it will drive you crazy!). Take him up on the premarital counseling sessions; if you have a good counselor, he or she will be able to help clear up a lot of this.


Post # 6
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with whats been said above, in that you should definitely go to the premarital counseling…one thing that might come out of that is the fact that the priest might bring up his lack of a formal proposal/commitment to you during the counseling.  He might ask if you two have made the formal commitment for marriage, and this will be your chance to say that you haven’t / he hasnt formally asked you.  at this point, you might be able to have a discussion with your boyfriend and have the priest serving as a mediator.  (I dont know your man, but most people wouldnt walk out on a discussion with a priest, no matter how uncomfortable its making them.)  So this might be your chance to start getting into what his issue is with making the formal commitment to you.

other than that, i would say continue to live your life and STOP everything else wedding related (other than trying out the counseling.) .  he doesnt want to talk about commiting to you, but wants to talk about your yet to be in existence children’s college funds?!?  simply tell him, im not talking about this right now, or change the subject to something else.  let him get mad, pissy, whatever about it, but its not fair to you that he can talk all things wedding, and as soon as you bring up engagement, he gets upset and abruptly ends the conversation!  i also think you should stand your ground on moving in with him…at that point, he will be having the best of both worlds, by having his wish of yall living together without having to officially propose to you…in this case, due to how weird he has been acting when the talk of engagement comes around, i think its necessary to not give in to him…

Good luck!  i think everything will work out how it is supposed to, just be patient. 


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