(Closed) Confused!

posted 7 years ago in Music
  • poll: Should I dance with my father or Kindly tell him I opt out?
    Dance with your father. : (34 votes)
    43 %
    Don't dance but explain to him why. : (31 votes)
    39 %
    Dont dance and give no explanation. : (14 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2548 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Well I can understand why you would be hurt. Just as I am certain your father must understand as well. I don’t think you should solely base this decsion on what has currently transpired. It really depends on whether or not your father was a good father to you growing up. If he was a good dad to you, then that is what should be important. Or I guess, what would be important to me. If you father was indeed there for you through all the good times, and hard times, then you should definitely have a father/daughter dance with him regardless of your mother/father situation. Of course you want to support your mother during this rough time, but I don’t think you should punish your father for finding happiness either. I also think you would regret this decision once the storm passes, and that is something that would hurt you for years to come. ( Given that he was a good dad to you growing up).

    Post # 4
    Member
    620 posts
    Busy bee

    I guess to me the question depends on “when” he found someone else.  If he cheated, skipping might be fine.  If they divorced and he is now seeing someone, I think you should dance with him.  Open and shut to me. 

    This is only if you are confused.  If you feel certain and are not confused, follow your wishes.  It’s your big day.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3295 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    i had the same dilemma… although my parents have been divorced since i was 13… anyways… i decided to have my mother walk me down the aisle and then have a dance with my bio dad and a dance with my step dad… i know my dad has looked forward to the dance so i didnt want to take that away from him. i know its a hard desicion but its ultimately up to you.  i would do it because i feel like i might regret not doing it… ya know?

    Post # 7
    Member
    4511 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    If you don’t want to dance with your father, for ANY reason, you really don’t have to. Just tell the band not to announce it. (I didn’t do the father-daughter dance at my wedding, and I was worried that it would be a big awkward hole in the evening, but it wasn’t at all.) If the idea of the dance makes you uncomfortable, skip it. 

    As for whether to tell him or not, you know best how to handle your father. I would guess that an explanation would probably make things less hurtful, especially if you explain that you still love him just the same but because of what’s happened, the symbolism of this particular event makes you uncomfortable. Or whatever. 

    I’m sorry you’re in this situation. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    620 posts
    Busy bee

    @Karina27:

    See at this point, your mother’s feelings come into play.  If you mother is still upset with him for the cheating, it might be better to just skip that part.  If it is still far away, you can decide how you feel later.  While your father might be a little hurt, your mom might appreciate your loyalty.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3148 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I think the father daughter dance is based on the closeness of your relationship with your dad? Has he been a good DAD to YOU the past (however) many years? If so then you may want to share that moment with him…OBVIOUSLY he has not been a great husband and no one would expect to see your mom and him dance together. But this dance is bw you two…

    Is he walking you down the aisle?

    Post # 10
    Member
    1810 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    To me, I think being a good father includes being a positive male role model and showing your daughter how a man should treat his wife. So that means to me, that he would have to be a good husband too.

    If my dad ever did that to my mother (or vice versa), I could not give him a special moment in my wedding. There’s no way. My wedding is about the beginning of my FH and my life together– our marriage. If one of my parents showed complete disgard for his/ her marriage so close to mine, as stillme said, it’s “the symbolism of the event” that, to me, would make it inappropriate.

    Edit: This is just my opinion and what I think– of course, I’m not telling you what to do because I don’t 100% know your situation. But this is what I think.

    And out of consideration for his feelings, I would give my father an explanation of why I made the decision I did. Your father would have to know that by doing what he did to your mother, there would also be the possibility of some fallout with you and your siblings, if you have any.

    Post # 12
    Member
    620 posts
    Busy bee

    @Karina27:

    Yeah…you are totally cool in your decision.  This is your day.  Whatever makes you and your mom comfortable is the right thing.

    If you want my personal opinion, if he is going to be there, you can let him walk you down the aisle then skip the dance with him (tell the DJ).  If anyone ask about the father dance, just say “we decided to skip that part”.

    I think having your mother walk you down the aisle while he is there is odd, will raise scandal questions and bring out dirty laudry on your special day.  Having him walk you down the aisle is just a formality…I think it is OK.  If you are that upset with him that you refuse to have him walk you down the aisle, you shouldn’t invite him.  That way if your mom (or uncle) walks you down the aisle, people would understand that he is not available (for whatever reason).

    Ultimately it is up to you but since you asked for opinions, there will certainly be some that think like me.

    So I agree you should skip the dance then decide:

    1. I’m so upset with him I don’t want him at the wedding OR

    2. While I’m upset with what he did, I would like him at my wedding and he must come through with his duty to give me away.

    JMO

    Post # 13
    Member
    1361 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Did you have a good relationship with him before?

    I have never had a great relationship with my dad and he’s really hurt me, so when my mom asked if we were doing a father-daughter dance I told her that no, he does not deserve it.  Honestly, I don’t think he’ll really care, because he does not dance, but, who knows.  At the same time, I am also doing away with other traditions (garter/bouquet toss, etc.) so perhaps it won’t seem that weird.

    What will make you happy on your wedding day and when you look back? If this is something you’ve always wanted, suck it up for a couple minutes, if you have to think back to all the good memories you’ve had with your dad, and go from there.  If not, then he needs to understand that your feelings are very hurt.

    Post # 14
    Member
    527 posts
    Busy bee

    @JenniMichele: I absolutely agree with you 100%.  Well said!

    The topic ‘Confused!’ is closed to new replies.

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