(Closed) Confused :/

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

Woah, duplicate!  No worries.

Find Mr Bee’s three step plan.   Then follow it.  http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/mr-bees-three-step-plan-and-backup-plan-for-getting-engaged

You need to find some interests outside this relationship and just be yourself.  He at least said he was waiting on planning.  So he wants to plan – that’s a good thing!  Give the guy some space, find some hobbies to take up your time.  It’ll be ok and work out in the end.

He just needs some breathing space πŸ™‚

Big hugs and good luck!!!

Post # 5
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

Maybe you should find some neutral territory outside and just have a heart-to-heart about what you feel, want etc.  Using “I” statements. πŸ™‚  So it’s about you talking to him about your future, then ask him about his.

I say neutral outside territory so that it’s on the level, there’s no room for people to get upset or storm off, and no tv for distracting etc πŸ™‚

Post # 6
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

@miss_optimistic: I’m sort of in the same boat as you.  My boyfriend and I do live together, and spend quite a lot of time together.  I don’t have many girlfriends my age, but whenever something comes up to do with close friends (or even co-workers) I always jump at the chance to go out to lunch, dinner, drinks, etc. with them.  Aside from Boyfriend or Best Friend and I spending so much time together because of our living situation, I work full time, and a couple of months ago I decided to take the plunge and apply to a great grad school which I got into!  I’m starting a whole new career, and doing it while working full time.  Also on a whim, I joined a gym in our new neighborhood, and applied to do volunteer work at a local women’s shelter.  All while Boyfriend or Best Friend sits home playing video games, waiting for me to get home πŸ™‚  In all honesty, we do most things together… going out on the weekends, family functions, etc.  And we love nothing better than being able to sleep in late, have breakfast, and lounge around together all day.

 

I was thinking along the lines of Mr. Bee’s steps to engagement and “the backup plan.”  I’ve already been living that because that’s what I wanted – I knew when I moved in with Boyfriend or Best Friend that we might fall into the trap of not giving each other enough space, so I wanted to do things for ME to keep living my own, independent life along with our life together. Still, he has said he needs to save more money (doesn’t the boy know that I help him balance his checkbooks – I know how much is in there! Wink) or that he was “waiting for the right time.”  I keep telling him that what’s important to me is: being together, sharing our excitement with our loved ones, and making a real commitment.  He know that an expensive rock or a crazy proposal does not interest me if I means I have to wait a million years.  But I’m not going to nag him about it at this point, other than leaving hints of what I want, because we already went through that the past couple of weeks. Guess I’m going to have to look into that whole “engagement chicken” thing…!

Sorry there’s no real advice here, I guess I needed to vent too!

Post # 8
Member
3305 posts
Sugar bee

Hmmmm- if you feel this is going on too long, you may want to give him your time lines but you have to be prepared that his time lines may not match up with yours.

Post # 9
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

You say you have been talking about marriage for a year… did he give you a time frame?

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