Post # 1
So I’m sitting here unsure of what my next step should be and I’m asking for your suggestions. I’ve been dating this great guy for the past three years. About seven months ago I started asking him when he saw us going to the next step, since he’s been very clear about me being the future mother of his child. Thing is, he’s always been very vague, as in, someday, he’s not ready yet. He’s 26 and I’m 28, so that might have something to do with it. As my 29th birthday approaches, I decided to ask again about 2weeks ago. This time he told me that his father once told him to wait for a sign that would tell him it was time to get married. Lovely! but where does that leave me? I could be waiting for something that might never come. All I wanted was a time frame after our 3 years together and he refused to give me that, so I broke up with him yesterday. Then he called me back to tell me He already went ring shopping twice this week and was planning to propose this summer, but if I don’t believe him then its for the best and he got all attitudish so I said goodbye and hungup on him. I want the man and the marriage, of obviously, but I know he was sincere in his comments, so I’m confused about his words not matching his actions. Plus, the phone call ended so badly with both of us hurt, I’m not sure where to go from here.
Post # 3
It sounds to me like neither one of you want the relationship to be over, just that there was some poor communication and it led to some hurt feelings and a lot of misunderstanding about where your relationship is heading. I would definitely allow the situation to diffuse a bit and then do some damage control regarding the hurtful things that may have been said on the phone. Tell him how you feel about him and what you expect for your future, and if he was going ring shopping already, he was clearly imagining a future for you together, anyway! Every relationship has some bumpy moments – so at this point, if you can mend any hurt feelings and get on the same page, I’m sure you can work through it!
It might be as simple as a heartfelt apology and telling him how you feel – I’d try doing this in person, though, so there is less chance of miscommunication! Good luck!!
Post # 4
@bananarama: Completely agree! Good luck @jadehoney!
Post # 5
I agree with PP that if he was serious enough about you to be ring shopping, you can probably mend this situation. Maybe begin by sending him some flowers and a note telling him how much you miss him in a day or two. Don’t be afraid to sound vulnerable, and give him 24-48 hours to process before trying to contact him.
On the other hand, I’m really disturbed that he felt justified keeping you completely in the dark about your future together and his timeline. Are you comfortable living with that sort of power dynamic? If I were in your shoes, I’d talk openly and honestly with him about how this made me feel before deciding to give things another chance. (Probably after spending some time together to test the waters, but before declaring yourselves a couple again.) Does this issue have larger implications for your relationship, or did his behavior stem from a misguided desire to keep the proposal a secret at all costs?
Good luck and keep us updated!
Post # 6
I agree too!! Hope it works out.