(Closed) Confused

posted 6 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
Member
1938 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

If I  were you I would look around at other churches together to find one that made you both happy. Marriage is a compromise, and the wedding is no different. In the end if you can’t come to an agreement together one of you is going to have to suck it up. Sorry, I don’t know what else to say!! Good luck!!! 

Post # 4
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Not knowing your area please forgive me if I suggest something that will not work for you.

I would try attending several differen churches together as a couple. Two denominations that come to mind as a good compromise are Lutheran and United Methodist. They are what is termed “high church” and may be churches that the whole combined family could feel comfortable in. Future Father-In-Law would probably not be happy if you picked something like Assembly of God or Baptist I am guessing. But the formalized worship of a UM or Luthern church would maybe appease him.

Another option is to not get married in a church at all but rather hire someone from the outside to perform your ceremony.

A third option is both of you convert to some other religion and then everyone can be mad at you equally :p. I have a feeling that this is going to be a touchy subject in the families.Hang tough and weather all of life’s storms together. Dont ever let family squabbles divide you.

Post # 5
Member
95 posts
Worker bee

Do you feel uncornfortable in that church because of the beliefs or because of the music/your father beeing able to give you away etc? 

If it is for the beliefs, the only option is to look for something else.

If it is for music etc: I got married in a catholic church and my father “gave me away”. We did not have a capella music but I think the issue would be about what music/songs you chose, not who sings it. And even then, it depends A LOT on the officiants: some are more lenients than others. So perhaps speaking to this specific priest explaining what you want could be a solution. Or finding another priest. 

Post # 6
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MissPixie:  I’m Catholic and I’ve been to many Catholic weddings.  In all of them the bride walked down with her father.  Are you sure they can’t compromise on that issue?  Also, I don’t see why they couldn’t have a capella singers–although you couldn’t use secular music.

But yeah, you can’t really change the music or the vows.  I just finished my pre-cana marriage prep weekend and they talked about the vows and how the words were chosen for a reason repeatedly, haha.

Post # 7
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t advise you get married in a church that isn’t true to either of you. It’s like starting the marriage on a lie. Just get married an outdoor park, or find an events faciity and have it there. Why does it have to be in a church? If God is in your heart, then he’ll be there wherever you marry.

God said that “wherever two join in my name, i am among them.” So seems to me, you can do it anywhere you please. 

Post # 8
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Be very, very cautious here.  If your Fiance does not get married in the Catholic Church, yourmarriage will not be recognized.  It will create problems.  Don’t ask me how I know.  I only mention it because I was the same way – I didn’t want to get married in a church that had beliefs that contradicted my faith.  I just want you to know it won’t get any better and will most likely get worse unless you “compromise” but getting married in your FI’s church.  BUt of course only you can decide if it’s worth it to you or not.

Anyway, that does seems strange the priest walks the couple down the aisle.  I’ve been to (and  been in) Catholic weddings where the father of the bride definitely walks her down.  So I’m wondering if there’s any wiggle room there.

 

Post # 9
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MissPixie:  I am Catholic and my fiance’ is Christian, we decided to do our wedding in a non denominational church of Christ. I really think that you shouldn’t do it in a Catholic church especially since you aren’t Catholic to begin with. You would need to get baptized, first communioun, and confirmation with the Catholic church. Marriage is one of the sacraments in Catholicism, your fiance’ should recognize that you don’t plan on attending Catholic church in the future. As far as your dad not being able to walk you down the aisle I have never heard of that before and I have attended many Catholic weddings. Marriage is a compromise and the actual place of your wedding shouldn’t necessarily matter as long as it’s in front of God. Look for different churches and possibly reconsider. Good luck on your journey.

Post # 10
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Re: the couple walking down the aisle together…it’s something that is technically in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, but not many churches follow.  We chose to go that route, but there were a number of other factor in play and our church let us choose.  Perhaps ask the priest why he does it this way, and push beyond just “It’s in the Catechism.”

 

Post # 11
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Lisandrag16:  You don’t need to become a Catholic to get married in a Catholic church.

Post # 12
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@starrynight:  You have to have proof of baptism/confirmation/etc from a catholic church. You can’t just stroll in there and get married without those things, trust me. My fiance’ is Christian his father is a deacon for the Catholic Church and this is something we heavily discussed. We had to get married in a non denominational church.

Post # 13
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Lisandrag16:  This is not true.  A Catholic can marry a non-Catholic Christian in the Catholic church as long as they have been baptized.  Sounds like you got some bad information, or perhaps your Fiance was baptized Mormon or some other denomination that isn’t recognized.

Post # 14
Member
2213 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I echo everyone else here…time to find a new church!  One that you will both be comfortable with.

@Lisandrag16:  My Lutheran mother married my Catholic father in 1974 in a Catholic church (her Lutheran church wouldn’t marry them because my dad was Catholic.).  It’s absolutely plausible that specific churches may have rules that adhere to, but my mom was not baptized OR confirmed in the Catholic church.

Post # 15
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I was raised Baptist as well and my fiance Catholic but he no longer practices or claims the catholic religion, we go to a non denominational christian church and love it! I could never have gotten married under the Catholic religion, I don’t agree with the majority of it.

I suggest trying out some churchs and see how your fiance feels about them. If he doesn’t practice the catholic religion then why does he care?

Post # 16
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Lisandrag16:  You are very misinformed unfortunately 🙁 Catholics can marry anyone… you don’t even have to be baptized. There is a special permission you have to get called a “dispensation.” It isn’t hard to get, you just have to ask. Catholics marry Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, and atheists in the Catholic Church all the time. You can go on the US Catholic Bishop’s conference website and it says it right there. I’m so sorry that someone gave you bad information!! 🙁

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