(Closed) confused??

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am 21 and was afraid my parents and my FH parents were going to freak when they found out. But when my FH talked to his parents they were really excited and my parents loved the fact that my FH came and asked them for my hand in marriage. Although my mom wanted me to wait until I was at least 26 to get married she totally embraced the idea.

Therefore I think both your parents and his father will be excited for you considering you have been dating for a while and his father may benefit from this because it is such an exciting thing especially since his wife has passed. I would go for what makes you and your future fiance happy and since both parents seem to like you and him I believe they would be very happy for you as well. 

Post # 4
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Many times parents worry their children will miss out due to their own personal experiences. It may halp you to prepare for this with your SO by talking through all the reasons you want to get married young and why it will work for you. If your families are not supportive, you can explain those things to them. maybe even ask them what their concerns are and address them.

A little story:

My sister and her Darling Husband were both 21 when they got engaged. My Mom was a little less than thrilled because she was comparing my sister’s life to her own life. You see, my Mom married young, had 3 babies young, and gave up her dream of completing college and becoming a writer. She was so scared that my sister would not go to complete college and have the “fun” experiences my Mom missed.

My sister was really upset that my Mom was not very excited for them, but I tried to explain that my mom thought she would be missing out on life. I ended up telling my Mom that my sister was not going to be MISSING OUT in life, that she was CREATING a new one with her SO.

My sister is happily married now (they celebrated their 1 year anniversary in Oct.), and though she is not in college, she does not mind. Her husband works for his Father’s company, and she works as a bank teller. While they are not “persuing dreams” like my mother would have liked them to, they are happy with their life, and are pursuing their OWN dreams (my sister would like to be a stay at home mom someday and be able to home school her children while her husband works for the family company).

Good luck, OP!

Post # 5
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@LovelyLaura:  + 1!

OP, as long as you’re prepared with the reasons you simply can’t live without him then I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Also, as your elder, what you’re going through is normal for your age. Up until about 24 I was worried about my parents reaction and then one day, I just didn’t care anymore because I was finally okay with being accountable for my own choices, as you should be. And if everyone loves everyone, I don’t think it will e as big of a deal as you think. There may be some ‘are you sure?’ moments from them but as long as you stay assertive in your response, they realize jus how serious and ‘grown up’ you’ve become toward making a big life decision. You can do it and I look forward to your update after they know! 🙂

Post # 6
Member
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@megjennings1788:  Are you in a position to support yourself if the marriage goes bust? That’s a reality these days. Is he earning a decent living? Have you lived on your own before?

If you’re both self supporting adults that are good at managing money, have somewhere to live, have steady jobs, etc. then what’s the problem?

Make sure you discuss money, kids, religion.. all the not so fun things.

Have a long engagement if you wish. Parents shouldn’t flip out if they know you’re an adult.

When I was 22 I was dating a loser, still in university, and living at home. I was sooo not ready to get married. It doesn’t mean that you are in the same position was I was, though.

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