(Closed) Confused?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@mdhopeful:  So… what are you confused about? Your last sentence seemed to sum it all up. 

Post # 5
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@mdhopeful:  his timeline changed when he started med school– maybe you should wait until you start med school to see if you still want to get engaged in the middle of it? i’m not a dr but my friends who went through med school have stories of how time-consuming it is!

you told him up front that you did not want to sleep together before marriage so i would strongly suggest that you not go back on that to make *him* happy. you have been up front and not changed, he’s the one who changed the timeline.

Post # 6
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

There are alot of different things going on here. Having been through professional school myself and delaying a wedding because of it- I will share my two cents. First off, I think you both are young and are growing/changing and will continue to do so over the next several years. The fact that his opinions on marriage timeline have changed simply reflect an increase in his maturity level. It is (in my opinion), more practical to wait.

The next big issue is your schooling. If you are not willing to go to the medical school he will be attending, I think that clearly shows your priorities. This is NOT a bad thing. Personally, I think you should go to whatever school you really want to. However, it is a sign that deep down inside you may not be ready to make the lifetime committment to him (*right now). I live with my finance in an area where I haven’t been able to find work in my field. This is a huge sacrifice, but for us, right now, I think it is the right thing.

Lastly, but not leastly. Sex is so important to relationships. It is my opinion that sex is often de-emphasized by many religions. It is one of our strongest biological drives and the glue that holds relationships together. You views on sex are important and will set the tone for your married sex life to come. It is a very big deal that you stay true to values. If his values and your values do not align, that is a red flag to me. I’m not trying to be hard on you or negative. I know this stuff is probably NOT what you would like to hear. I’m sorry if it doesn’t seem very nice. The most important thing is to stay true to yourself and the rest will fall into place.

Post # 8
Member
8444 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@mdhopeful:  What happens if you sleep with him before marriage?  I understand it’s a religious thing, but I guess what I’m asking is what is bad about it?  Do you get kicked out or banned?  I am not asking this to be snarky, I’m trying to understand why it’s considered “sinful.”

Post # 9
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

i think that if you know that it is for sure and forever than you should get engaged now … 5 years is a really long time and i think it is unfair of him to make you wait after you had this plan all along.

i see how it is hurtful. you need to talk to him. if he really is the right person for you then he will see where you are coming from and either adjust his timeline or find a way to make you at peace with the situation

Post # 11
Member
4311 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

This happened to me in my past relationship.  He wanted to get married right away and I was like hell no.  That seemed to scar him, and he ended up changing his mind.  He stopped talking about it altogether after giving me some bogus timeline.

I mean turns out it didn’t matter, because I still didn’t want to marry him, and I met someone else, but I wonder if you like wounded his ego or something.

Post # 13
Member
7647 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

He’s being responsible right now. He could change his mind as easily about the 7 year wait s he did about getting married immediately to you. You’re going to ruin your own relationship if you habor these ill feelings toward him for not marrying you right now. Why not just wait it out and in a year or two have a talk with him again? Take it step by step instead of just getting upset that right now he says 7 years.

Post # 14
Member
9115 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’d be thrilled that he is being so responsible. You said it yourself — you’re going to be together one way or another.

I wouldn’t worry so much about it.

 

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