Confused

posted 1 year ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
744 posts
Busy bee

OP, only you can ultimately decide what to do.

You have been dating this man, and this man only, since you were 16. Of course you are comfortable. You haven’t navigated being an adult without this person. It sounds like your break up wasn’t just about the proposal (“other general issues in the relationship”). 

You are 27. Take this time to catch up on what you have missed out on so far. Have some bad dates. Have some good dates. Meet some nice men who you aren’t interested in. Figure out who you are without your boyfriend, and what a partner looks like going forward for you.

Post # 3
Member
5014 posts
Bee Keeper

What are the “as well as other general issues in our relationship”?

Because depending on what those are, a proposal may be the least of your worries.  And a proposal and wedding won’t magically fix the other issues.  So unless there is some distinct action showing commitment to fixing ALL the issues, not just the issue of putting a ring on your finger, then I would just keep living my life and moving on.

Post # 6
Member
7800 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
thegreatcatsby :  At this point you have to know there are good reasons you are not engaged and moving this relationship forward. Date. Explore new things. Get to know yourself as an independent woman. Know what your other options are. If the two of you are meant to be then it will happen. 

Post # 7
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

Hi bee. We’re the same age. You guys broke up and you still asked him if he was going to propose – that makes no sense. What is the point of that? Did you break up to see if he would chase after you? That almost always backfires. You’ve been together for 11 years and he didn’t propose – do you think suddently in the next few months he will be inspired to do so? How long are you willing to put your life on hold and wait? 

Since you have already broken up, why don’t you truly take this time to be single woman, or try dating/meeting new people, doing new things, etc? Don’t wait around in hopes that he will run back with a proposal (he may or may not). Do you. You’re only 27!! Don’t invest more time and feelings into a sinking ship.

Post # 8
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee

Don’t go back. You need to experience life without him. Good on you for putting your needs first.

Post # 9
Member
1791 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - California

I am so sorry you are going through this. It does not sound like he wanted to get married. Right now he is probably still grieving the end of the relationship and willing to say what he thinks you want to hear to get you back, but he knew over a year ago that you were hoping for and ready for a proposal, likely he knew this much earlier in the relationship, but he did not propose in all this time. His words are confusing, but his actions are not. I am so sorry, I hope you find your forever guy soon.

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