Post # 1
I have been in a relationship for the past 11 years – we started dating in our teens, I was 16, he was 18. We have been talking openly about marriage, buying a house, and starting a family for the past three years. We went on a lavish trip last summer and I, along with everyone else with a pulse, thought he was going to propose. He advised me before we left, he was not going to propose, and for me not to get my hopes up. I dealt with this blow as best I could.
Fast forward nearly a year later, nothing has happened. I broke up with him a month ago, mainly because of his lack of action as well as other general issues in our relationship. On top of it the same week I broke up with him, my cousin got engaged.
We have spoken to each other, and I flat out asked if he had intentions of engaging me, he said he did, it was coming soon. I feel like this may have been a bit of manipulation, but I can’t be sure. He seems sincere when he says I’m the only person he wants to spend his life with, but I feel like it’s really unfair that he has made me wait this long. He is a great guy, but he drags his feet. I’m afraid that if we got back together and he proposed, it would feel forced or not feel special. I hate myself for feeling that way.
Right now, I miss him terribly. I feel isolated and completely torn up. I have stuck to my guns in not getting back together with him, but in the grand scheme of things, I’m not sure what to do.
Please help 🙁
Post # 2
OP, only you can ultimately decide what to do.
You have been dating this man, and this man only, since you were 16. Of course you are comfortable. You haven’t navigated being an adult without this person. It sounds like your break up wasn’t just about the proposal (“other general issues in the relationship”).
You are 27. Take this time to catch up on what you have missed out on so far. Have some bad dates. Have some good dates. Meet some nice men who you aren’t interested in. Figure out who you are without your boyfriend, and what a partner looks like going forward for you.
Post # 3
What are the “as well as other general issues in our relationship”?
Because depending on what those are, a proposal may be the least of your worries. And a proposal and wedding won’t magically fix the other issues. So unless there is some distinct action showing commitment to fixing ALL the issues, not just the issue of putting a ring on your finger, then I would just keep living my life and moving on.
Post # 4
The main additional issue was not seeing each other as often as I would like, he said this would be a nonissue when we move in together however, our families are pretty traditional and prefer we at least be engaged prior to moving in.
Post # 6
At this point you have to know there are good reasons you are not engaged and moving this relationship forward. Date. Explore new things. Get to know yourself as an independent woman. Know what your other options are. If the two of you are meant to be then it will happen.
Post # 7
Hi bee. We’re the same age. You guys broke up and you still asked him if he was going to propose – that makes no sense. What is the point of that? Did you break up to see if he would chase after you? That almost always backfires. You’ve been together for 11 years and he didn’t propose – do you think suddently in the next few months he will be inspired to do so? How long are you willing to put your life on hold and wait?
Since you have already broken up, why don’t you truly take this time to be single woman, or try dating/meeting new people, doing new things, etc? Don’t wait around in hopes that he will run back with a proposal (he may or may not). Do you. You’re only 27!! Don’t invest more time and feelings into a sinking ship.
Post # 8
Don’t go back. You need to experience life without him. Good on you for putting your needs first.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2017 - California
I am so sorry you are going through this. It does not sound like he wanted to get married. Right now he is probably still grieving the end of the relationship and willing to say what he thinks you want to hear to get you back, but he knew over a year ago that you were hoping for and ready for a proposal, likely he knew this much earlier in the relationship, but he did not propose in all this time. His words are confusing, but his actions are not. I am so sorry, I hope you find your forever guy soon.