(Closed) Confused….

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’d talk to him about how you’re feeling, first and foremost. But unfortunately, I don’t know of a way to “undo” those feelings. Maybe if he’s aware that he’s losing you, he’ll step up the game a little.

Post # 4
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Talk about bad timing!

I was in your situation once (6 years relationship), and for me, once I had figured out everything for my Post Breakup life, there was nothing he could have said or done to make me change my mind. The bottom line was that I was unhappy and had been unhappy for a long time and I didn’t trust him anymore. I had given chances over chances and was always disappointed, THAT led me to prepare myself for the breakup: take on new activities, make new friends, etc.

I met my wonderful Darling Husband while I was preparing my breakup – I had signed up for karate and he was there. We started dating not too long after I left my ex, and less than three years later, we’re married and on the same page for our life plans and timelines – a team who works together, not one who waits for the other all the time.. My breakup was the best thing I ever did for myself.

I hope someone can tell you how to UNDO it, if this is what you want. I don’t know if it’s possible. If you find a way to undo it and be happy with him, awesome! But if you can’t, don’t be afraid – there is life after a big breakup. Sometimes an even better one…

Post # 5
2317 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

If I were you I think I’d sit him down and have a serious talk about timeline and marriage.What are you both waiting for , how you both plan on moving forward together. Sit him down have a serious talk, I mean its your life too you deserve to be able to have a plan for the future.

If after four years he cant give you a serious answer or yall just are not on the same page I’d consider moving on.

Bottom line is TALK to him give him chance to redeem himself seems like he might be planning something.

Post # 7
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I do agree with other posters that it would be worth it to give him a chance before you leave the relationship for good.

I think if you’re already feeling uncertain about the relationship, it would be good to talk. The fact that you’re not excited about the brochure is a good thing. You learned your lesson about getting your hopes up. And if you’ve already started having feelings of disconnecting with him that you can’t “undo”, that’s going to work for you, not against you, when you talk to him. You’ll be able to talk rationally with a cool head, rather than getting in an emotional, screaming/crying fight.

I’ve had similar feelings. I’ve gotten my hopes up, and felt like “how am I going to get excited again?” Which prevents me from bugging him about it. But also there are doubts creeping in. Like, why isn’t he excited about it? And if he’s not, maybe we’re actually not a good match!  I made a deal with myself that I had to be consistant for a WHOLE WEEK before considering breaking up. I have to be 150% sure. And just when I get close (for 4 or 5 days is the longest) to thinking we’d be better apart, he comes through in some way that makes me realize I love him and still think he could be the one. I’m just trying to avoid breaking up until I really mean it. And give him a chance. ‘

Notice I said he “could be” the one. I used to think “he is the one”.  I think some uncertaintly is healthy and normal when going through the waiting period.

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