(Closed) confused about addressing invitations?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

You could say that your parents are hosting and go with the traditional wording of “Mr and Mrs Smith would like you to join in the marriage celebration of their daughter, Jane Smith to John Doe, son of Mr. and Mrs. Doe…” or you could go the easy way and say “Together with their parents, Jane Smith and John Doe would like you to celebrate their wedding…”

Post # 5
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@starry:  Traditionally, the bride’s parents paid for the wedding, and were listed as hosts.  However, these days it is common for the couple to pay for the wedding, with whatever assistance their parents choose to provide.  So the traditional rules are hard to apply.  At the same time, I would say it is better to acknowledge too many people than too few.  So you could either use the “together with their parents” language, or name both sets of parents.

Post # 6
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree with the other ladies…I would probably go with “together with their families” in this case.

Post # 7
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

Why not please everyone and do something like:

 

Together with their families….”?

Post # 9
Member
3671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I mean, do his parents have the money?  I’d feel very awkward listing my parents and not his and I think they’d be hurt by it even though they’re contributing a lot less than mainly my mother.  They can’t afford as much as she can, neither can my dad.  But I agree just to put “Together with their parents…” in this case.

Post # 10
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We did “Together with their parents Clare and Noah request the pleasure of your company at their marriage…”

Post # 11
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

We are paying for the wedding along with my parents….none of my FI’s family is even coming to the wedding, us along with his family live in Florida and we are getting married in Maryland where my family is. Hell if i’m gonna put their name on anything if they can’t even show up.

Post # 12
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee

Whatever you’ve been reading, wedding invitations are NOT supposed to inform society about who’s paying — money talk isn’t considered really “nice” in polite society. They’re supposed to communicate Who is hosting, Whom is invited, to What, Where, and When: the “W5” of social communications — you’ll notice that “Why” is left up to the imagination of the reader — ;-D  

“Hosting” isn’t just about paying. It’s about being the person responsible for taking care of all those guests: thinking about their needs; making sure that there’s enough seating and food and drink;making the decisions; often paying yes, but if not then negotiating and begging and budgetting; and being rewarded by the praise or condemnation of the guests when they look back on the event. The reception dinner is a separate event from the wedding reception: if the groom’s mother wants to do it up formally then she will issue her own formal invitations and doubtless she will have her own name right up front on that one. So the reception-dinner hosting doesn’t have any impact on how you word the wedding invitations.

But have some pity on your guests. You’ll be inviting your fiance’s dear old great-great-Auntie X, who cannot remember his proper name but does recognize his parents — and doesn’t know your parents from Adam. Give her some aides-memoirs to figuring out that this is “Tom’s son’s wedding!” Or some similar scenario. Putting “son of Mr and Mrs Groom’s Parents” is part of how you communicate What you are inviting her to.

And then, when your future Mother-in-Law  writes out any formal rehearsal dinner invitations, she’s obliged to politely reciprocate by referring to you as “daughter of Mr and Mrs Bride’s Parents”, so there’s immediate pay-back for your courtesy.

And on top of that, remember that this isn’t just a game of formal etiquette. It’s also the start of your marriage. If it makes your inlaws-to-be happier, you’ll be starting off that important relationship on a better foot.

Post # 13
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

How about something like:

“Mr. and Mrs. James Starry invite you to the marriage of their daughter

Super Starry

to Starry Fiance

son of Mr. and Mrs. Cheapness

on Saturday, the eighteenth of December….”

 

That way, FI’s parents are mentioned, but it should still be clear that your parents are hosting?

Post # 14
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Honestly, you can write whatever you want on your invitations. I would say step away from the book, recognizing that there is no “right” answer in this case, and consider what (and who) you want on your invitations.

You sound upset that your FI’s parents didn’t contribute to the wedding. Are you hoping to let them know that by leaving them off the invitation? If so, you are certainly not required to put their names on the invitation, although it does ring a bit of passive aggressive behavior (at least the way I put it, hah).

My Future In-Laws aren’t paying for anything besides our Rehearsal Dinner either, although Fiance thinks they may contribute some to our honeymoon later on (we’re doing a minimoon and delayed honeymoon). We put them on the invitation anyway though, as a sign of our respect and love for them.

Do what works for you guys!

Post # 15
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

When it comes to almost everything wedding-related, i just ask myself “what is the well mannered thing to do?” this comes directly from my Grandmother who, throughout my childhood (bless her, she’s now badgering the 4th generation 🙂 would ask in certain social situations “but is it good manners?” her insistence on recognising the importance of kindness, consideration, tact, diplomacy and gracious behaviour are values that have seen my wedding planning go remarkably smoothly.

Post # 16
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think you have two options, both of which are already mentioned: “Together with their families” and “Mr. and Mrs. Dad Starry request…” There’s really no way to word that you are hosting the wedding with your parents.

Um, personally, though I don’t really understand the whole “I want credit for paying for my wedding.” I mean, I get that you’re proud of your contribution, but I dunno. It’s kind of like inviting people to a dinner party and then toasting yourself. Your close friends probably know that you’ve paid for a lot–do you really care about your colleagues and acquaintences?

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