(Closed) how to feel…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee

She is having money problems and feels pressured to go although she cannot afford to go.

Post # 5
Member
13081 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Sunflower–girl:  I agree.  It sounds like she can’t afford to come and has gotten pressured not only from you, but also from other friends.  I would stop bringing it up to her.

Post # 7
Member
13081 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@4years3months7days:  I got the impression that she felt pressured when you asked, she said no; you confirmed the date, she still said no; a week later, you “message” her, then she says it’s money-related, and she can’t come.  From my count, she said no at least three times.  She was probably embarassed about the money situation and didn’t want that to be the reason.  And on top of that, somehow it “got out” that she wasn’t coming, and it sounds like mutual friends are now pressuring her into coming, when she’s already said she can’t afford it.

You can’t tell your friends how to feel or how to act, but you can politely accept their regrets without asking three times and unintentionally getting other people to ask her, too.

Post # 8
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

You can’t control what your friends do, but you shouldn’t be confused. She has been pressured/bullied by them into going somewhere she cannot afford to go. If you truly understand her situation, call her and tell that it is ok for her not to come, and ask your other friends to please leave her be. Money struggles can be incredibly embarrassing.

Post # 9
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@4years3months7days:  You didn’t, but your friends did.  You can’t control your friends actions, but you can tell this particular friend that it’s OK if she can’t make it.  And that it won’t affect your relationship.

Hope everything else goes smoother!

Post # 11
Member
13081 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@4years3months7days:  AH, I see.  That’s not at all what you posted in your OP, so you may want to edit if you want more accurate responses. 

Post # 12
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@abbie017:  +1

She’s not like, trying to be a jerk. It seems like a misunderstanding at first, and then later a financial issue. 

Post # 14
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

Your friend obviously can’t/ won’t/ doesn’t want to come. It happens :/

Post # 15
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Sunflower–girl:  +1

 

I know it’s disappointing.  BUT, be a friend to her and understand her circumstances don’t allow for her to attend.

My best friend since 3rd grade is a recovering alcoholic.  I made it abundantly clear – NO PRESSURE!  Of course I wanted her at my wedding, but I understood it could be a trigger for her. 

Be a friend to her and leave the poor girl alone!

The topic ‘how to feel…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors