(Closed) Confused about MIL Birthday (kinda long)

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll:
    DH goes to party alone. I stop over thinking everything : (1 votes)
    4 %
    DH and I go to her party (without calling to verify I am invited too) : (19 votes)
    70 %
    DH and I go to her party (call first to verify I am invited too) : (4 votes)
    15 %
    Neither go : (2 votes)
    7 %
    Other (please explain) : (1 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2782 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Why wouldn’t it include you for the invite? You and your husband are a social unit, this is family, so I think you should go. Kill her with kindness. you don’t go it looks bad on you, and if you do an remain nothing but polite and cordial then it only looks bad on everyone else when they are rude to you.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1902 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    If the in-laws called my fiance and said “Hey, we’re having a party, come on down!” we would just assume that I was invited too – we’re a family and, when it comes to social functions, an invite to one of us is an invite to both. The only exception would be his guys’ nights out, or me catching up with friends. This is a family event, and you’re part of his family now.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1710 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

    I agree with both ladies above.  If he is invited to a family function, you are too, as being his wife.  If you don’t go and they pull the “why isn’t your wife here?” it will just look like you were being sour. Always be the better person and kill her with kindness. 🙂

    Post # 6
    Member
    3969 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    If you know for a fact that you are not welcome at the party (have your DH say something like, JaneDomani and I are so excited to go” to gauge her reaction). IF she makes it clear you’re not welcome, then its’ up to your DH to put his foot down and say that if you’re not welcome he does not plan to attend, that you are a couple now. I would not advise that he go alone.

    Post # 7
    Member
    955 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    You’re married.  That means you’re invited. That’s why the ask why you didn’t go to (insert function here) when he goes alone.

    Post # 8
    Member
    73 posts
    Worker bee

    I would ask your husband to ask his mother if you’re invited to this event. Problem solved.

    Post # 9
    Member
    772 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @JaneDomani:  I perused some of your older posts.  Honestly, you got to let this stuff go.  This is going on years now.  You just have to do what’s best for you and your husband.  Don’t worry about the MIL and her nonsense.  Personally, I would assume that you are BOTH invited as generally couples are invited as a unit.  That said, I would just go without asking whether or not you’re invited.  Especially given that they’ve asked in the past “where is Jane… how come Jane didn’t come?”  I think that’s a sign that they expect you to be there, with or without a formal “You and Jane are BOTH invited.”  Ulimately though, I suppose this is your husband’s call on how he wants to handle.

    Post # 10
    Member
    7990 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would always assume I was included if my DH received an invitation to a family event. Why don’t you just have him ask her…?

    Post # 12
    Member
    2106 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @JaneDomani:  That’s the spirit. Kill her with kindness. Still, if she pulls her old bull, have your husband step in and correct her behavior ie she starts talking in Dutch in front of you, plays pity party/passive aggressive, etc. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    3574 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Good for you!!  You are doing the right thing, even though it may be harder. 

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