(Closed) Confused about my sexuality

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
3064 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

confusedbee12345:  well, are you attracted to her in a romantic or sexual way sober? There is your answer. Lots of people make out with same sex people drunk and they arent bi or gay. 

Anyway, I think you need to decide if this is something you want to explore or not or if you are ok with your Fiance being your last sexual experience. He probably wont think its too big of a deal depending on how you approach it. If it  “was oops I kissed Katie at the bar we were pretty drunk” he will prolly be a little turned  (lol thanks lesbian porn) on but probably not too upset or threatened if you are confident it wont happen again.

If you approach it as a ” i am totally confused with my sexuality and I might be in love with katie” then that is a total different ball game

If it makes a difference, I’ve been with women and men, including long term relationships with women. I think its entirely possibly to be attracted sexually and romantically to a specific person regardless of their sex. Sexuality is sooo fluid.

Are you attracted to other women? No? then your probably not a lesbian haha. And if you are attracted to her, and want to stay with your Fiance, obviously you should end or drastically change your relationship with her

There is also this concept of romantic friendship, which might make sense to you. Google it. 

Also, related story, back in my single days I made out ( while totally drunk) with  one of my very best female friends after a long night of drinking.  It wasnt just a make out- it was full on heavy petting make out session.

it was so bizarre and out of left field, and i am not attracted to her in a sexual or romantic way. We both just carried on with our totally normal friendship and it hasnt happend since ( been almost ten years) So its possible you were just drunk and that was that!

PM me if you want to chat about anything. but take a deep breath. you will be ok!

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Boxerlover24.
  • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Boxerlover24.
Post # 17
5878 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

confusedbee12345: Two issues:

1) The infidelity.  That’s an oops for sure, but hopefully you and your FI can work past it.  A single kiss that you feel terrible about is a VERY different thing that having an affair or being someone who just can’t stay faithful.  I personally think that you are doing the right thing to tell him about it.  It might even open up a path for you guys to work on your sex life together…it could be the kiss that improved your marriage instead of the one that killed it.

2) So maybe you are bi.  Maybe you were just attracted to this one woman this one time.  Does it really matter?  If this kiss ignited a burning desire to explore that side of your sexuality, then that’s an issue to deal with (maybe by opening up your relationship, maybe by breaking up).  But if it didn’t and if your sincere desire is to continue your monogomous relationship wtih your Darling Husband, I wouldn’t worry about the fact that this was a woman.  It really doesn’t matter.


Post # 18
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I was married to a man when I realized I was a lesbian. My story is similar to yours, but we ended up having sex eventually. Once I was aware that I was in fact a lesbian, not just a girl that made out with girls, I had to end my marriage. Best choice I ever made, btw. My ex and I are still friends and we are both much happier now.

Post # 19
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Sea Cider

lovelyMsValentine:  sometimes the flip happens, too – my (female) FI’s ex-wife is straight. like, into all the boys on Jersey Shore straight, and Magic Mike, and Grey’s Anatomy. SO straight. but she was married to a woman for 8 months. doesn’t change that she’s straight (out of respect for my Fiance, I won’t get into all the reasons we know she’s straight beyond “that’s how she always has identified, and continues to identify”).

see Glory Johnson news for similar experiences.

as a lesbian, I’m going to say that what happened was you got drunk, and kissed someone you were comfortable with and trusted. and that’s it. you’re still you, and if you’ve never noticed women sexually, you’re still straight.

the bigger issue, in my eyes, is that you’re having a crisis over your sexuality, and not the possible damage to your relationship or your friend’s marriage.

Post # 20
606 posts
Busy bee

confusedbee12345:  Sexuality is super hard.

For me it took until 23 to realise I liked women. It was because I LOVE masculinity, to me it is super sexy. But physically and emotionally men just didn’t do it for me. I just figured I was a one man forever type woman. I figured I didn’t like all of the men because they weren’t the ones. 

At 23 I met my first Butch lesbian. I turned BRIGHT red whenever she talked to me. I got butterflies when I heard her voice let alone saw her. I was head over heels and suddenly it made sense. Her gorgeous eyes, beautiful smile, men’s haircut and men’s clothing….suddenly made more sense to me than anything in the world.

Now at 28 I found a woman who I absolutely adore. I love being the dress to her suits. I feel sexy and alive around her. That’s how I know being with a woman is right for me. 

You could be bi sexual. You could be bicurious. You could be straight and have a one off attraction. 

The more important thing is how do you feel about your fiance? What isn’t he or your relationship, fulfilling that made you go for the arms of someone else? And whatever it is, is it something you two can work out? This is what you should figure out before you figure out your sexuality. 🙂 That can wait, your relationship status can’t.

Post # 21
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think she should tell her Fiance. What if she had kissed another man? Would you be so easy on her then? I think you need to figure this out for sure – as it clearly wasn’t just a drunken kiss if you’re thinking about it this much and wondering if you’re bi because of it. Either way I think you need to fess up, it’s still cheating, man or woman.

Post # 22
8859 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper


What an interesting  post, wise and sexy somehow too.  ..

Post # 23
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

confusedbee12345:  Oh bee. I am so sorry you are in this position! I am very much in the camp of falling in love with the person not the gender, and have been in relationships with both men and women. I thought I could be happy with either, but two years and one engagement later, I broke up with my fiancĂ© because I felt that I couldn’t spend my life with a man, although I truly did try VERY hard to make it work. It was hard, but I’m in a relationship with an amazing woman now!

However, it honestly sounds to me that 1) your sex life was getting boring and you were drawn to the idea of something new and 2) you have a very close friendship with this woman, that developed into something more. Do you have feelings for her, or is the attraction just physical? Would your fiancĂ© be open to threesomes? Sexuality is fluid, and although cheating isn’t exactly the best thing to do, kissing a woman doesn’t automatically make you bisexual. Be honest with yourself about your feelings, and ask yourself if there is something more you are looking for, be it with or without your fiancĂ©. Best of luck <3

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