- 4 years ago
My partner and I have been together for almost a year. We are both 23. Previously I was in a 4 year, terrible relationship. My ex would play games with me, lie, cheat, treat me horribly. He really messed with my mindset on relationships and it severely has affected my trust. I didn’t realise how much it affected me until I got into my new relationship. I just thought because I wanted out and had moved on from my ex those issues would go too. But now I realise it doesn’t work that way.
My current boyfriend is an amazing man. And we do have an amazing relationship. Although the last few weeks we have gone through a rough patch. Our first huge fight happened, where everything came to a head. My insecurity issues are a lot to do with it. We had a huge fight with affected him, as I said things like I didn’t want anything to do with him, I would leave, etc. It was all in the moment and of corse I didn’t mean it. But it happened. We’ve tried to move on but it seems like things just keep continuing. That fight took a week to work out as we don’t see eachother everyday, we were misunderstanding eachother, it was the worst time we’ve had.
We worked it out and were having a good weekend when the day after he said he felt off and weird and didn’t know what was wrong. I straight away thought it was us, that the last week has impacted him too much and he is starting to wonder if he wants to be with me. He assured me it’s not. We talked that night and sorted things out.
The next day he found out his grandparent only had months to live. He thought maybe that was the weird feeling, like he knew something bad was going to happen. That week was hard for me. Obviously that came first priority, so any feelings or worries I had about our relationship could not be talked about. He seemed off with me for a few days, not texting normal. I assumed it probably was just everything he was going through. When we saw eachother it was fine. We also had a good weekend. He said I made him feel so much better, etc.
But I still couldn’t shake the feeling that we just weren’t okay. The other day we saw eachother and I snapped. I had so much bottled up it just came out. I have been feeling for the last week or so that he just didn’t want to be with me but he didn’t want to do the dumping so I just yelled at him to do it if that’s what he wants. I kept saying things don’t seem normal and that I can’t keep feeling like this. We both got upset. He said he has doubts about the relationship as he feels I will leave him due to the things I’ve said and that he feels like he should protect himself. He said it just takes time.
I can’t really complain about his doubts as they were mine due to insecurity. I had no doubt that he was right for me, but I had doubts that he would stay with me.
The talk was good I guess. As we both let everything out and told eachother what we need. I told him how I’ve been feeling he has been off, and that he only ever tells me how he feels when we argue, whereas if he would say things like that just normally sometimes (I’ve told him not constantly, or all the time, just sometimes little comments would be nice) that my mind wouldn’t wonder onto if he is questioning things than.
I really felt like this was a turning point and was feeling back to normal and positive the next day. This was crushed however as the way he was texting me was just blunt and dead again.
I know it sounds stupid or that I’m reading into things too much. But the way we used to text before all this arguing compared to now is entirely different. And it’s making me worried that maybe he isn’t into this anymore.
I get so confused because when we’ve talked, he says he is so scared to lose me, he wants to work this out, that I can take the risk and try with him, that he loves me. But when we are apart he acts distant.
I would think if he really was afraid to lose me that he would atleast try to text how we used to. Or make an effort with that as we have spoken about it.
I don’t want to bring it up again but my anxiety and stress is terrible. I miss the happiness and security of our relationship. I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know if he is doing all this on purpose because he wants to leave, or with time things will return to normal.
Besides this, we have always had a very strong and loving relationship. This is our first rough time.
Thanks for all your help.