- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
I have been with my SO for just less than a year, so I am not waiting long terms by any means. But I am very confused. Not confused that he wants to be with me and that he wants to get married – at some point. But if it’s very, very close or much further away. I’m about 50/50 which it is.
The good: We have a great relationship. We feel happy and confident and content in who we are with and without each other. We agree we are best together. We want to be together. He refers often to the future and says “we.” “When we have a yard and a dog,” “let’s get that when we have a bar room.” He has asked about my ring size and tried on my rings asking ‘how does this ring size thing work’ as recently as three weeks ago. We’ve said September is a nice month to get married. We’ve talked about kids. Etc.
The confusing: I will not say he is immature, because he is the most mature person in the relationship I’ve ever experienced. But he has a few things he needs to work through, like anyone. He said didn’t start thinking about eventually getting married, having kids, until 5 years ago, (he’s 35 now), and didn’t see how someone would fit in his life until he met me. (I’m 30). He is not afraid to talk, air his feelings, and let me speak my mind. He has used the words, be patient. He has said some people don’t reach the same point at the same time.
The big issue, for me, is not the waiting. I’d wait a bit. But it’s the big crossroads of my life. I want to leave my job. I do not want to rent forever. I rent, he stays with me some nights, but he lives at home (he is not religious but family is and both older siblings did not move out until they were married). We’ve talked about living together before marriage, – something I would support, but only if marriage were imminent. I have expressed many times that I do not want to rent for more than a year, year and a half more, because it isn’t fair for me to keep “throwing away” money, when I have been saving to buy a house.
I told him a few months ago we’d revisit a conversation in the fall. His work schedule gets horrible around October through March, something that I am also very upset about. (He knows leaving his own job is something he has to do, but he doesn’t like change). I am nervous about the conversation because I do not want to put pressure, but I do feel like I need to hear that he is thinking marriage at some point. I love him and want to be with him, but if he isn’t going to embrace change and move forward within a reasonable amount of time, it’s not fair to either of us.
I realize this must sound crazy to some – as being not even together for a year. But if you know, why not at least be honest and communicate that you see it coming at some point. And why wait.