(Closed) Confused and a little down

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m sorry I have no advice but I hope everything works out for u. It’s always hard to tell when u r giving too much and when we r being impatient. *sending good vibes ure way* sounds like u guys have a lot of conversations ahead of u.

Post # 5
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

This sounds like a really tough situation, and you have every right to be disappointed and hurt. It seems like he expects you to make all the big compromises. I don’t think I would move to another city to be with my boyfriend only to live on my own in a separate apartment. I think if he wants you to go through with that, you should at least have a timeline for engagement first. Actually, I would want a ring on my finger and I would want to be living with my boyfriend if I were to move to another city to be with him. I can understand why you are confused though. He wants to take the job in another city so that he can make more money to support a family, but he is surprised that you were thinking marriage? Men can be really confusing sometimes. Honestly, it sounds like you need to have a real honest talk with him about where things are going. Explain your feelings — how it makes you feel that he wants you to move there with no real security. Maybe he just isn’t seeing things from your perspective. 

Post # 6
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Not exactly the same situation, but my SO (And I) want to move in together where he’s living now (about 500 miles away from me currently since we’re both in grad school). He definitely wants to live together (we have been together almost 4.5 years though) but until I talked to him, I didn’t realize he was thinking that he wouldn’t want to get engaged for like a year after I moved in. I am not moving to the middle of nowhere (really rural), with few job prospects, for a guy that “isn’t ready or sure.” So we had a talk (it was rough but worth in the end) and we were able to come to compromise on when the engagement would happen. But I don’t think you’re being ridiculous. I would be upfront and just say, you want to be together, but unless you are moving in together and getting engaged within X time from that day (up to you), you cannot move or continue this relationship (up to you). I had similar feeligns about my SO. IM the one that has to move 500 miles (he was already situated, though we’d have to find a place together). I”m the one that has to find a job (He is doing a full time PHD program for at least 4 more years), IM the one moving away from friends and family, and for a while he just didn’t get it or he didn’t understand why I was so stressed about it. Communication helps, but it’s not also easy.

Post # 7
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I wouldn’t follow him either. You’re not a dog, and his dreams/wants are not the only ones that are important. He needs to think about you too, not just himself, and if he can’t then he’s not marriage material IMO. If he wants it to be all about him, then he has no business being married or a father.


And you deserve someone who will give you the consideration that you deserve.

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