Post # 1
The title says it all. I’m confused. DH and I are certain we want children. We are established in our careers, own a home and have been together for many years. I’m 29 and he is 34. We discussed and decided it was a good time to start TTC. But now that we are trying, I’m starting to get anxious and feeling the pressure. There are still things we would like to do before kids (ie travel and enjoy just us for a while longer) but then I feel selfish. We planned a trip to Hawaii in May which sort of started the thoughts. I started to get a little sad that I would be pregnant there. I talked to him and he is totally fine waiting until then. But then I feel totally selfish thinking about myself/vacation over our future child.
Sorry for rambling
Post # 3
@Dressed obsessed: Don’t feel selfish or guilty! There’s nothing wrong with wanting to travel and have fun before getting pregnant and having children. Waiting a few months to TTC isn’t going to hurt anything. No matter what point you decide to take the TTC plunge, you’re going to have these feelings. It’s a huge life change and it’s totally normal to be apprehensive about it! That doesn’t make you a bad or selfish person, it makes you a normal human being!
Post # 4
@MrsWBS: Ahh thank you so much. I sort of needed to hear this. I still don’t know what I want to do. After we chatted last night, I was set on waiting. Then this morning I am confused again,
But thank you for reading and responding 🙂 I really appreciate it
Post # 5
@Dressed obsessed: If you want to wait, wait! Don’t feel guilty about it! I was happy to be pregnant on my honeymoon to Hawaii (20 weeks), but I was also sad that we couldn’t go to Disneyworld and Harry Potter World like we had originally planned (couldn’t go on the rides!). I had a great time in Hawaii pregnant, just fyi 😉 DH aren’t huge drinkers; we spent most of our time out and about with tours, snorkeling, beaching, etc.
Post # 6
@Dressed obsessed: All the guilt and anxiety you feel during TTC and pregnancy is just preparing you for the lifetime of it you’re bound to feel as a mom! Makes you a good one that you care that much already!
I wouldn’t want to be going to Hawaii during my first or third trimester, but if it’s in the second, you should feel great to go (other than not being able to drink and do certain activities depending what type of vacation excurscions you guys are into). You could always wait and start trying on your trip! 😉
Post # 7
@Dressed obsessed: Don’t feel guilty about waiting. If it fits in your plan then just go for it. However, on the other end of things, you could put off having kids forever because something is coming up. In your case though I think waiting until after this trip is totally worth it. You have time 🙂
Post # 8
@Dressed obsessed: I think it’s totally normal you feel this way. If you get pregnant and travel to Hawaii, the only down side is that you can’t eat all the delicious pokes and drink alcohol. But I bet you’d still love Hawaii. It’s one of my favorite places in the US. Hawaii is where I want to do my last hurrah when I get pregnant! If you decide to wait, I don’t think you’re being selfish.
Post # 9
Thank you all for responding. I love being able to have a sounding board on this site.
@nowandlater: I do love my poke!!:)
Post # 10
@Dressed obsessed: you are not being selfish to wait, because if you are then I was.
We originally planned to start trying Oct 2012 but then because we booked and trip to Europe (24 hour+ flight) for Easter 2013 I asked DH to put off TTC until our trip because I didn’t wanna chance being up to 6 months pregnant (7 by the time we flew back I doubt anyone would let me fly that late anyway…). As it was we didn’t wait until our trip and started TTC the month before we left but my thinking was at least I’d only be barely pregnant so it wouldn’t make me uncomfortable for the long flight.
Unfortunately I’m still not pregnant but I KNOW if we had started before the trip we would’ve got pregnant straight away – Murphy’s Law and all that hehehe
Post # 11
@Dressed obsessed: Hey we got married a day apart, hello almost date twin!
I completely understand how feel. DH and I started TTC in October and lo and behold I am 9 weeks pregnant with our first child due in August. While I am thrilled that it happened so quickly I was also a little let down (maybe not the right word) that I didn’t get a few things done first. Then I started scrambling to try and plan a big trip before the baby was born, we were thinking a big multi-island Hawaii trip in May. Then I thought, why?
DH and I were talking during our recent NYE trip to Yosemite and we both agreed while some things might have to change there isn’t anything that our life involves, nor are there any trips that we take/are planning to take that cannot include a child. In fact we look forward to taking those trips and sharing it with our child.
I have traveled the world many times over, lived abroad and experienced many things. For me I am ready to settle with nearby trips with my baby. I am at peace with the prospect that I many not see my friends in Europe for years. I have checked things off my list and I am ready to move on. It sounds like you might not be there yet and that is absolutely 100% okay.
Wait a bit and see if your thoughts change as they very well can. TTC can take a month, months or years and you never know until you start trying. Live your life as you hoped and dreamed now and see where it takes you. You could always go the not trying not preventing route to just see where you end up.
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2011 - Boy #1 12/2015, boy #2 02/2018
@Dressed obsessed: As far as travel goes, we are planning a trip (more like a business/family trip) around June, and I might just be pregnant then, yet I think I would be fine. Most people say the second trimester is the easiest. As long as I don’t have any complications at the beginning, I would assume it should be no problem. If you are flying, it would be more comfortable. On the other side, if what you are seeking is complete enjoyment which guessing by your post, it sounds like, then if you can wait a few months to start TTC, go for it. There is no guarantee you will get pregnant right away nor after 5 months.
I am turning 29 next month and we are starting to try this month. Luckly, I can kill two birds with the same stone, pick up my sister and see family to possibly/hopefully share the happy news.
Post # 13
4 months is not 4 years or anything! I think one last big vacation would be amazing!
Post # 14
You aren’t selfish at all! I waited until I was 32 to start trying, and I’m happy I did!
Post # 15
@BrandNewBride: ha four months is definitely not four years 🙂
Thanks so much again ladies! No matter what happens in the next few months I do feel better that these thoughts are somewhat normal. Haha