Confused and Disappointed

posted 3 months ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

Bottom line, how important is marriage to you? Because if it’s a top priority for you and it’s really something you want for yourself and your relationship, then this may not be the right relationship for you. 

justme1492 :  

Post # 4
Member
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Ugh, I’m so so sorry, Bee. If you don’t want to be an 80 year old girlfriend then it sounds like you need to find someone else. This man isn’t going to marry you, so if marriage is a non-negotiable, then its time to leave. 

Post # 5
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek

This man has flat out told you that he doesn’t want to get remarried and suggested you seek a different companion if thats what you want. These were his honest feelings. Now are you ok with likely never marrying this individual or not? If you are then firmly let him know you’re selling the ring bc you see no use in keeping it. If not I would take his suggestion and find someone that won’t have you posting in a waiting board.

Post # 6
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2010

To my mind, he hasn’t treated you respectfully by purchasing the ring and then letting it sit there, causing you pain for 2 years. There is nothing wrong with wanting to get married, so don’t question yourself. This man is not feeling the same though and you deserve better.

Post # 7
Member
767 posts
Busy bee

So in a nutshell- he has stated clearly that he doesn’t want to marry you but he wants you to keep the ring so that he can forever dangle the possibiity that he may change his mind so you better hang around just in case? Nah, time to move along.

Post # 9
Member
9701 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

justme1492 :  

Oh, dear Bee, he is not constantly doing 180s on the idea of marrying you. He bought you a ring two years ago. Then he pretended there was no ring, leaving you confused and hurting.

At long last, an honest discussion happens. He confesses the truth—he does not want to get married. Period. Not now.  Not ever. He feels so strongly about this that he is willing to give you up to go find someone else, with his blessings.

Honey Bee, if he rented a billboard, he could not make this more clear.

It was not decent of him to keep you on a string for two years. Maybe he didn’t. Perhaps with time and maturity, his future became more clear to him.

Your task, Bee, is to begin accepting the reality of your situation. I know it’s a lot to take in.  The man you’re with will not marry you. Setting a timeline in your mind would be like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. He has given you absolutely no reason to believe he will change his position. None.

Your bf has been in charge of your future for two years now, Bee. And he has not done a good job with it. It’s time to take your power back.

Post # 10
Member
3864 posts
Honey bee

What on earth is a timeline going to do except torture yourself?  Are you into masochism?

He flat out told you he does not want to marry you.  Not today.  Not tomorrow.  Not in 80 years.  This isn’t a sudden 180.  It happened two years ago.  Every day for the last 730 days that he hasn’t proposed he has been saying he doesn’t want to marry you.  The only thing that changed is you finally dug your head out of the sand, noticed he wasn’t putting a ring on it, and finally made him say it out loud.  So while it may seem new or sudden to you, he’s been clearly on board the “not gonna marry you” train for quite some time.  Exactly what is another 100 days going to do to change the last 730?

Post # 11
Member
3110 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

He told you to find someone else if you want to get married. There is no grey area here. There is nothing to “figure out”. He does not want to get married. He couldn’t have been more clear with not only his words, but his actions as well. If you want marriage, then you need a different partner. If you want him as your partner, then you need to abandon your desire for marriage. He’s made it clear you can’t have both.

Post # 12
Member
1492 posts
Bumble bee

Two years of pain and anxiety……don’t waste anymore time, leave him and find someone else who wants the same things as you. 

Post # 13
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

Unfortunately, I’m with the previous Bees on this one. He has clearly stated what he wants in the relationship, he doesn’t want to enter into a marriage again after his previous divorce and has given you an out since he knows marriage is what you want. You setting a timeline isn’t respecting his viewpoint in marriage, you’ll be setting yourself up for heartache. 

I think you both need to sit down and have a frank discussion about both of your expectations for the future and if one of you isn’t willing to compromise then maybe it’s not meant to be. 

Post # 14
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Put the ring on a finger on your dominant hand.  Now use that hand to make a fist and punch him in the fucking throat.

 

 

Post # 15
Member
1258 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: -

 Ironic that he says marriage ruins relationships when he can only make one work by finding someone who will be as commitment-phobic as he. 

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