Post # 1
We are supposed to be getting married in June. Last night I found out that my fiance cheated on me with a one night stand whilst I was away for work 5 years ago. We have such a loving relationship and I just cant believe he has done this to us. We have been together for years. I am so heartbroken I was so ready to get married and start a family with him and everything is ruined now. What would you do if you found out your partner cheated years ago. It has only come out on a fluke as my friend was with the girl he cheated on me with and they bumped in to each other and it came out he didnt even remember her when this happened as he was so drunk when he cheated 🙁
Post # 2
This is tough. What was the status of your relationship at the time he cheated? Casually dating, in a serious relationship..? I can see why you’re hurt, and I would be too. I would at least go to couples counseling and sort through your feelings. Because it was years ago, I’d at least try to sort through the issues before completely throwing in the towel.
Post # 3
Thank you for your reply. We had been together for four years when it happened and we lived together and he took two girls back to our flat with a mate 🙁
Post # 4
I’m so sorry bee. I’m a little confused about how you found out though. Did your mutual friend tell you about it?
Infidelity is hard for anyone to get past. But the fact that your partner never said a word to you about his betrayal until he was caught makes it hard to imagine how you could ever trust him again. How do you know this was the only time it happened? What else has he done when he was too blacked out to remember (which by the way is NOT an excuse…alcohol lowers our inhibitions but doesn’t change who we are at the core)?
At the minimum I would call off the wedding for now. Your partner is not who you thought he was. Not only is he capable of cheating…he’s capable of hiding it from you for years. I repeat: how do you ever trust someone like that again?
Take care of yourself…you deserve better than this.
Post # 5
Yes it is a very close friend who just by coincidence happened to know this girl and saw my partner in town the other day she introduced then, he didnt even remember her and when he went the girl said to my friend I have slept with him and it came out like that. She then told me this last night. I do not agree with using alcohol as an excuse, I know u can be very drunk and know what you are doing and I would never cheat 🙁
Post # 6
Leave him. Why would you ant to be with someone who would go that to you? I firmly believe once a cheater always a cheater. You deserve better. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I think you deserve more than a crappy guy who cheats on you.
Post # 7
Did he admit it when you confronted him?
Post # 8
delilah22 : Devil’s advocate, I suppose, but does your boyfriend remember this at all? Like even now? I ask because this is a weird series of coincidences and frankly I’d have trouble believing it. So she slept with him 5 years ago? Or was that just a random guess she made? Was it 8? Or does he look like someone she slept with? Why’d she feel the need to mention it at all? I don’t know, unless your fiance had a real reaction to this instead of just confusion, I’d be prepared to consider it trouble making and let it go.
On the other hand, if he really did cheat, I’m generally of the “once a cheater” line of thinking. I’m also someone who wouldn’t date anyone who got wasted though, it’s unattractive to me. Maybe some counseling to work out what really happened and decide your next move from there?
Post # 9
He admitted it so its definitely true 🙁 he has just trashed everything I thought I knew. Take this away we were so happy (or so I thought) of course we had some disagreements but we would talk to each other, he would do so many little things I really thought he loved me and that I was lucky (ha!) Its like my world is crashing down around me. This all came out last night and I have not seen him properly since as he has been at work and is until 10pm…..
Post # 10
Also she didnt know the exact date I just know when it was as when I confronted hik he said it is when I went away training for work which was only the once 🙁
Post # 11
I’m sorry bee but if he can seriously keep this as a secret all this time, who knows what else he has kept from you. Regardless of whether or not he was drunk, that is NO excuse.
Post # 12
Personally I’d call off the wedding and end the relationship, but cheating is a dealbreaker for me. I know that it’s not for everybody. I would feel that if he hid this from you for five years, he’s capable of hiding other things and I don’t think trust could ever be restored for me. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Post # 13
delilah22 : 5 years ago? I would let it go and give him chance. Has he been a good bf for the past 5 years? Treats you with love and respect? People make mistakes. 5 years is a long time ago. I would wonder why this girl would want to tell you this now. It doesn’t do anything good for you, just makes you feel like crap. Talk to your fiance about this and don’t make any sudden decisions that you might regret later. Good luck.
Post # 14
I would always be wondering what else he is hiding. It would be one thing to try to work through it if he had been honest about it 5 years ago but he’s hidden it from you for 5 years and would have kept hiding it if he hadn’t gotten called out on it.
I don’t know how you could regain trust after this.
Post # 15
delilah22 : “What would you do if you found out your partner cheated years ago.”