- 5 years ago
I have been contemplating for the last 6 weeks if I should postpone/cancel the wedding in July. I did suggest it to him one night but based off stress and finances only. He found ways to fix those so I felt better thinking that would help with the rest too. So far no. I want to give us one more month before having another big talk, but I am so scared. I love him and I know he loves me but not sure we are in love with one another. I feel like we are very close roomates, who happen to hug, hold hands and peck daily.
So back story. I apologize if this gets long. We have been together for 5 years in a week. We have been living together almost all of it, have a house together, pets, etc. So we have been living like a married couple for a long time. However, we were together the first 1.5yrs then he deployed 6 months. Then I went to school out of state for a year, so we have been back together for 1.5yrs. After he got back from his deployment he let me custom design my ring and we bought it but he kept it in his draw for 2.5yrs before popping the question which messed me up on many levels.
That was the first issue, it put a lot of doubt in my head and built some resentment but once he asked we were happy. Shortly before he asked (4 months) I had started a new job while doing a new masters program so my schedule and his shift work schedule didnt line up as much and we spent very little time together, but we would try hard to schedule day dates for our few free days. We still do those dates but it is always out to eat and a movie.
Well he asked new years eve and before that I had made myself a new years resolution that I would take time out for me (doing things I liked — refinding myself). I had an injury so I had stopped working out and with his shift work we couldnt go out regularly or volunteering anymore. We dont have mutal friends at our newest location (he is military). So it has been rough and I was getting very lonely. I have started doing lots of activiites again and be social and I love it. I had started to slowly disappear and just became a home-body to match his lifestlye easier. He is always playing computer games (wake up til bed, or home from work to bed). I will play them here and there just to spend the time with him but I do not like it much.
I feel as I have found myself this year again, I notice how little we have in common and how little we do things as a couple. There is no romance or passion. We act like roomates because for the last 8 months all we have done is hold hands, hug and peck. I am sorry but I do not want a marriage like that.
The first 2 years we were perfect. I knew immediately he was the one for me. Hoever, these last two months I have questioned everything. We are not the same couple we were then and I am not sure if we can get back there. He doesnt like to work out at all, only does it 6weeks before his mandatory PT tests. Once he is out of the miltiary he wont have motivation to at all. He is already overweight. I get nervous about stress levels and his need to game (his veg time) when we want to start a family.
Also this is hard to admit, but I look at him and know how much history and love is there and how invested we are into the relationship and wedding approaching but I find myself attracted/developing feelings for another person — we have many mutal initerests, plus he is very health conscious so he is good looking. I know attraction is skin deep and love is deeper but neither of us seem like we “really want one another.”
I have talked to my parents and bridal party (but everyone is long distance so its emails or phone calls). I wish I had someone to talk to in person. They all think we need to postpone or end but every time I think of that outcome I cry and cry. I have stated before that I dont want to be a girlfriend for ever, but I also feel so uncomfortable thinking of being married. I have that gut feeling that something is not right but not sure exactly what to do/where to go from here.
Again sorry it turned into such a long post.