(Closed) Confused by my friends actions- is it just me?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Ok, I think I can speak to this a bit just because I think I was Jane in this situation.

I had a friend who was like Nina and a friend who was like you.

I knew that Nina was so full of shit, but yet I kept feeding into it for such a long time. A part of it was just that it felt nice just having that friend their even if they were full of it. Another part was that she was kind of emotionally abusive and would make me feel like the you in the situation was the one full of shit and had a “big head”.

To make a long story short, eventually I completely cut Nina out of my life and and actually ended up cutting the you out of my life for a while just because the whole thing was unhealthy. Now I am friends with the you again and havent talked to nina in years.

Point of my story is, Jane will eventually come to her senses and see what kind of person Nina is. Don’t try to think about it too much. Just realize that maybe Jane just doesn’t see the whole picture now.

Post # 4
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

yes, she is a hyprocrite. But Jane will be sorry traveling with the other girl she will regret it. 

Post # 5
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

You can approach this situation one of two ways. Obviously it’s very strange that Jane didn’t even mention this trip to you, she is probably very afraid of what your reaction will be. You could try approaching her directly about it, mentioning that you saw her FB status change and that you were surprised to see it based on the types of things she’s been saying about Nina. Hopefully at this point she fesses up to the strange behavior and provides some kind of explanation and offers you an invite. But I kind of doubt that’s the response you will get based on the fact that she’s been so weird about it so far.

The second approach you could try is to just ignore it and stop talking to Jane about Nina cold turkey. This is what I like to refer to as ‘fishing’ I use it with passive aggressive people to get them to come out with it already and tell me what’s going on. Just act totally normal otherwise. I’m sure she wants you to know about this trip and desires some kind of explanation to be given to you, but she’s afriad to bring it up so instead just does things like changes her FB status when you aren’t around. It’s almost like she’s crying out to you “Look what I”m doing, ask me about it!” and I don’t always give these people the satisfaction of confronting them. She doesn’t want to do any work, by getting you to bring it up with her, you’re in the wrong for having a problem in the first place. If she brings it up with you, then she’s sort of admitting she’s done something wrong.

Post # 6
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m going to point something out to you, you’ve probably already considered this option, but I think that you can probably assume anything you’ve ever said to Jane about Nina, has probably gotten back to Nina. The way that Jane complains to you about Nina, well she probably complains to Nina about you in the same manner. I would just wait for university to end and then move on with your life. It doesn’t seem as though either of these girls are near and dear to you anways!

Post # 9
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

Um.  Are you certain they’re really planning a trip?  Or could it be something that’s in Nina’s mind?

Post # 11
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

In my younger years Ive had lots of similar situations pop up.  From grade school until I was in my mid thirties to be honest. 

I agree with Boston’s Mom.  This almost seems like a case that is best not to actively do anything about and just see where the chips fall.

Although, it would be pretty upsetting about the Greece trip.  Question.. would you go if they asked?  Do you want to go?

Post # 13
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

@AlmostMrsJames:

You sound like you’re far apart from these other girls.  Maybe this is the cusp of the next major timeline in your life. I hope you’re not too sad at what they’ve done.  Try not to let it get to you 🙁

 

Post # 15
Member
674 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m confused with how people are saying that Jane wants you to ask about it and that’s why she updated her status. But I thought that Nina was the one with the status update, not Jane.

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