(Closed) Confused – cancel the wedding (not marriage!)??

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am so sorry that you are in this position.  My heart really goes out to you, but it is wonderful that your Fiance is so supportive of you.  Yeah, it sounds like you have a very difficult family dynamic and weddings really do bring out the worst of that.  I would say, “Go ahead, elope and enjoy yourself”, but your comment about wanting your wedding to be a family celebration really struck me.  I think you have options, especially since you still have 6 months.  Perhapes you could do a private ceramony and a small gathering afterwards?  The hard thing is choosing what will be best for you and your Fiance.  What do YOU really want?   

Post # 4
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I think honestly, if I were you, I’d cancel and do something small.  I would wear a pretty dress, get married at city hall, or in Vegas, or on a beach, or whatever floats your boat, and then get a beautiful meal and take a nice vacation together to celebrate.  Let everyone in your family know when and where the event will be taking place and make sure they know that you would love to see them there to share this moment with you.  Weddings should make you happy (on balance…there are moments, of course that are frustrating and infuriating)–yours doesn’t sound like it’s doing that for you.  You want to be married, and that’s the most important thing, so do it!  Get married, be wrapped up in each other, and hope that your family will be there to support you on the day.  Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Hmmm…. such a hard decision!

I had immediate family problems also, but continued on w/ my wedding because of the over all crowd who would be there. I had a great time at my wedding, but the leading months were very stressful. Just imagine you on your day, and who will realistically be there and how they will treat you. On your day you want to be stress free as possbile and just feeling the love. That was how I felt, and it was great. Everyone put their differences aside and got a long. If you don’t think your family is able to do that, I would take that to heart. Idk only you will know whats right for you. My heart is out to you in whatever decision you make!

Post # 6
Member
3576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

That’s such a bummer.  I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I agree with the other bees who posted.  Do what makes you happy!  If you’re okay with losing the deposits, go for it and elope.  Or do something waaaay smaller.  Invite the family, if they show up, good, if not, their loss!

Post # 7
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

If I were in a similar situation, I probably would cancel.  And I’d take a trip of a lifetime, to be married while you’re away.  Seriously, I would.  I’m sorry you’re in such a difficult position.  I hope it all works out in a way that makes you and your FI happy 🙂

Post # 8
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with other bees, I’d cancel the wedding and just elope with your Fiance then send out announcements to family that isn’t mean to you announcing your marriage etc. Maybe have a backyard bbq over the summer with your nice family. Sorry your sister and mom aren’t being supportive of your decisions but as long as Fiance makes you happy that’s all that matters, your family just has to move on and mind their business!

Post # 9
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Ditto to what stephinPA said. Best wishes to you in whatever you decide!

Post # 10
Member
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m sorry that you have to deal with this, it’s especially hard when family is not supportive. I say do what makes you and your Fiance happy. If it’s moving forward with the wedding or just a private celebration for the 2 of you. Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

That is really unfortunate. They will be the ones with regret later. I have known a few recent situations where a family was not happy with their daughters choices.  In one, she got pregnant out of wedlock, one was marrying a boy they didn’t really like, and in one, the girl got pregnant and was marrying right away.  I thought, you may not like it but you need to embrace the situation as it isn’t the end of the world.  Be happy for your daughter or you will regret it later once time has passed. 

I know how you feel about regretting not having the wedding.  If I were in your shoes, I think I would still have the wedding but would make it more offbeat and way way less traditional.  I’m thinking How I Met your Mother wedding (by the tree) or Phoebe’s from friends.  Highlight your friends.  Either way, if you elope or not, your sister won’t be there.  It sounds like only your mother is the other vocal person?  Other than that, it seems everyone else is excited.  You could have a reception later too for a 10th anniversary or 5th.  I would probably stop talking to my mom about the wedding.  That should alleviate the remaining drama. 

Keep us posted. 

Post # 13
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

There were seriously about 4 occasions where I decided to just dump the drama and go somewhere and get married…. but deep down, I always knew I wanted my dream church wedding.  I wanted my family and friends there, and I wanted the big reception, where our names were called and we come running into the room… I couldn’t let go of those things – so I dealt with the issue at the time, and continued on with my planning.  I’m about 2.5 months out, and I’m glad I have stuck with the plan… even if it has been a nightmare.

If you want the big wedding, do it.. you won’t regret fulfilling your dream wedding.  If you aren’t that attached to it, do what ever makes you and your Fiance happiest.

Post # 14
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Oh my gosh, my heart goes out to you! We had a LOT of family drama during our planning, but nothing in the way of either family not liking who the other chose  to marry. It was quite the opposite, actually.

Honestly, I would start telling upir mom how awful she’s making the planning process, and tell her that you’re seriously considering eloping and just having it be the two of you because of all the negativity. See how she reacts. Say that her opinions on your Fiance are unwelcome and they need to be kept to herself. If it doesn’t get better in 2-3 weeks, or maybe 4 weeks, I would cancel it all and take a super fancy vacation.

As for your sister, she’s the one who will regret not being there. Ene of story. Whatever drama she causes on the side is her problem. I know it’s frustrating (believe me, I know), but the only person she’ll hurt in the process is herself. Anyone that partakes in her ridiculous behavior is just as insane.

I really hope things get better for you. I really do.

Post # 15
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m so sorry you’re going through all this! It’s sad that your family can’t just be happy for you.

Not to play devil’s advocate but before meeting my FH I used to date a guy that my family didn’t like either. We dated for six years. SIX. YEARS. And in that time my family never once said to me that they did not like him. However they would act a little distant whenever I would bring him over. Fast forward to when we broke up. I sat down with my sister and asked her why she never liked him (since it was obvious that she didn’t, at least to me) and she said that it was because of the way he treated me. Not because of his lack of motivation, his lack of a college degree, or whatever else, but because he would talk down to me even in front of them. He didn’t believe in marriage and tried to convince me it’s stupid. He would sulk if I spent some time hanging out with my sisters. He was possessive and childish, but being in the relationship I guess I just had blinders on and didn’t see it. When I asked my sister why she never told me any of this, she just said, “would you have listened?” And it’s probably true, I would just have gotten defensive.

I’m not saying our situation are at all alike, but it just reminded me of that time. Sometimes it’s romantic to think that it’s “you and me against the world,” but other times it pays to listen to outside opinions. Looking back now, they were completely right about him. I’m a little sad that it took me so long (on my own) to realize it but now I am with a man who couldn’t be more perfect.

Again, I’d like to make sure and emphasize that I don’t think that’s your situation at all! As long as you are happy, being treated right, and in love, then really everyone that cares about you should be happy too, no excuses!

PS: Do a destination wedding! Save that money and elope to Europe!

Post # 16
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Maybe having the wedding and your family seeing you say your vows and celebrating with you will help them realize how real your love is for one another?

I say have the wedding! This day is for the two of you, and if your family loves you they will come around.

The topic ‘Confused – cancel the wedding (not marriage!)??’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors