Post # 1
Member
2548 posts
Sugar bee
Ok so last year, just before christmas my ex best friend and I had a falling out. It was pretty devestating, but also pretty necessary in my eyes. If you want more info on it, read this post:
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/please-can-i-have-your-advice-on-a-lost-friendship-nwr
A few months ago, she contactd my eldest sister to try to get me to contact her, because she missed me. I never replied back to her. I just felt so done with that part of my life.
Well today, she facebook friended me. And I have got to admit, I have missed her. I also, was really curious to see what she was up to. So i accepted the request. Thing is, once I saw her new pictures, and what she has been up to, I have gotten alot of flashbacks. And not good ones. Like all of a sudden I remember why we had a falling out, why we no longer are friends.
So I would kind of like to defriend her, but feel like thats not only kind of immature, but sorta creepy at the same time. She’ll get a notification that says, ” Jane doe has accepted your friend request”, and when she clicks to view my profile it will be private.
What should I do? Just as a reference, my facebook is super private, and I really only like people I can trust/love on there…
Post # 3
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
Why not leave her as a friend, but have very rescrited settings for allowing her to see your profile. This way you won’t have to unfriend her, but she won’t be able to see your status updates, pictures, or whatever you don’t want to her see. And if you don’t want to see her stuff, just set it so you don’t get her updates.
Post # 4
Member
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
You don’t get a notification that someone has defriended you, but you could just take her off of your feed make your posts private to certain individuals.
Post # 5
Member
2548 posts
Sugar bee
@tksjewelry:
@flutterbi:
Yeah I just set it to very very private, like almost as if she weren’t even a friend. A little contradicting, but I’m more comfortable with that.
Post # 6
Member
2548 posts
Sugar bee
So she has now emailed me, and I just compleltely ignored it for the time being. I just don’t feel like talking to her anymore. But on the other hand, I really don;t want to immature about this. What should I do now???
Post # 7
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
@Cash000: You explain to her that maybe being friends again isn’t the best move for you, answer any questions she may have, and leave it at that. Ignoring her isn’t going to make the problem go away; it’s pretty passive-aggressive and immature.
Post # 8
Member
3257 posts
Sugar bee
I’m not telling you this is the right answer, but here’s what I would do:
I would put her on a very limited profile setting where she can’t see pics people have tagged of you or any other info you would not like her to be privvy to.
You can change your Facebook privacy settings so that posts you make are visible to everyone but a certain person. You already approved her, so I would suggest doing that. She’ll just assume you’re not on much or don’t have much on your profile.
If she starts contacting you all the time and being clingy, be honest: Tell her you can be civil and be okay when you see her places, but you don’t want to be best friends again after everything you have gone through with her because you can’t emotionally handle doing it all over again.
Post # 9
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
Just be civil with her. Answer her email, but don’t go into too much detail. If she keeps wanting to be closer or asks questions, just let her know after your falling out, you need time to repair the friendship, you can’t just pick up where you left off. Then just sorta let it fizzle.
Post # 10
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
Oh, I had something similar happen to me, too.
A girl in college and I were great friends, and our last year of school we had a falling out that led to us no longer speaking and our sorority chosing sides between the two of us. My last year of school was hell…I graduated and never looked back.
A few months after school ended, I got a job, and she emailed me on Facebook to say congrats. I replied back and said thanks and let her know I was hoping her job search went well…and that was it. A few days later, my ex boyfriend, who she knows from her hometown, texted me after 2 years of no contact. It didn’t take an idiot to know that she was talking to him about me and that spurred the contact from him.
I did a Facebook purge a year after I graduated college and got rid of all those people that I no longer knew or never knew well to begin with. Because of all the trouble she and I had, and all the feelings I had about the situation, I decided to move on and unfriended her. She friended my mom a few weeks later (my mom accepted, since she didn’t really know the whole story. Poor mom). This creeped me out, and after my mom put up an engagement announcement status when Fiance proposed, this girl immediately messaged me and sent me a friend request. I never responded to the message, but lo and behold, days after she sent the message, my ex texted me saying congrats on my engagement. There is no way that he would know about it except from hearing it from her – he has been on my Facebook ‘blocked’ list for nearly 3 years now.
I never responded, and I won’t. We had too many negative experiences together and I just had to force myself to move on. I suggest you keep this girl for a friend on Facebook for a while, but if it starts making you uncomfortable and you find yourself not wanting to post things like you used to out of fear of her reading it, then delete her. Sometimes people are in our lives for a reason, and then when that time is over, it’s best to leave them behind. For me, I knew I needed to leave her alone and in my past, and I’m happier this way. I just hope that after 6 months of no response, she finally got the hint.
Post # 11
Member
2548 posts
Sugar bee
@soyjoy222:
Thanks! That girl does sounds creepy. Actually this girl in question is on my moms and eldest sisters facebook. And so she found out I was engaged thourgh them, and probably other things as well. Which honestly, I don;t like. So she emailed me, but what do I say? I really don’t feel like giving her a recap of my life. So I think I’ll leave it for a couple more days, and reply with a non chalant email, not describing much, but talk about my son or something. alot has happened, and i think its best she knows as little as possible.
You’re right, people are in our lives for a reason, and they leave for a reason as well.
Post # 12
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Yeah, sometimes I think FB is the root of all evil if its not used correctly. Here is my story if anyone is interested http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/one-reason-i-wanted-to-meet-someone.
I immediately deleted her after that, and have vowed to never let old friends back in if we ended on a bad note. Ugh!!
Post # 13
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
@Cash000: I didn’t email back because I really didn’t know what to say. At the point I was at with this girl, I just…didn’t want to share something with her.I told my mom what happened, and she removed the girl from her friend’s list. My mom said she was not sure why she got the friend request, and thought it was because the girl and I had made up and I just had not told her. You can always tell this girl that it was nice to hear from her and you’ve been busy lately and you hope things are going well. I think by keeping it generic, she will get the hint you are not in the mood to jump back into a friendship.
Honestly, maybe sometimes I am a little bit too black and white with people, and I could have given the girl a chance again when she contacted me…but then a voice in my head tells me to remember how miserable she and I were to each other, and I just can’t open that door again. It just depends on how you feel about it now.
@MrsSl82be: I’m going to read your thread, now. Facebook can be the root of all friendship drama if allowed.
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