(Closed) Confused & Heartbroken

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 47
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I really think he is not ready for marriage at this point in his life. Even if he felt pressure to get engaged you guys been engaged long enough for him to determine if he wants to marry you or not. Sometimes men just get comfortable being stuck in the bf stage. You don’t need to pressure him any further. What you need to do is consider if you want to be with a man you have to pressure into marrying. I would talk to him on why he feels the way he feels. If he still gives you the answer ” I am not ready” then you need to make a choice to stay or go.

 

Post # 49
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@furbilicious85:  I agree that everybody expresses their love differently. However, he  is getting upset because you are asking to set a date. Even if he doesn’t want to be involve with the wedding process u could at least help you with a date.

Post # 50
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@furbilicious85:  He sounds like he doesnt want to get married.  He is using the youre pressuring him thing too much.  You may have pressured him to propose to you but honestly at that point you have set a date. There is no getting around that.  Weddings are not something you just decided to do next weekend.  We had a two year engagement cause well….we were in no hurry to get married.  We already lived together.  So those first 9 months we just casually looked at venues and then finally decided to start making real plans.  I decided the date.  He wanted a fall wedding but I didnt want it super close to my birthday so I picked 9.21. The day before fall lol

Post # 51
Member
1461 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

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@furbilicious85:  Yes he doesn’t have to be excited about the wedding process at all. In fact, I try showing my Fiance pix of venues and he’s just like whatever you want. But I know that he still wants to marry me. Your Fiance has shown SO MANY SIGNS that he doesn’t want to marry you. He is not confused. You’re confused because you’re having trouble seeing the objectively obvious, as opposed to us, since you’re the one who is emotionally involved and loves him. He didn’t want to propose in the first place, he already broke off the engagement once, and it’s been 1.5 yrs and he refuses to set a wedding date. Those are HUGE RED FLAGS. We’re not saying that he is a bad guy. But he has clearly shown that he doesn’t want to get married. He’s actually stuck in between a rock and a hard place because he has already tried to walk away but you wouldn’t let him, plus I bet all the pressure from your family.

Post # 52
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

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@furbilicious85:  I didnt mean to imply he didnt love you- and of course some guys are more/less into weddings in general. But your OP didnt say he was dissapointingly disinteresting in centerpieces/catering/planning it was that he wont even entertain a convo about the date. That he felt pressured into engagement (which is a bs excuse on his part so dont feel bad about supposed “pressure”), that he called it off once already. 

I know youre sad and Im sorry this is happening! I am a random stranger you dont have to listen of course but you came to us for outside opinions and… I dont think this will end well for you  if you keep relying on hope while his actions and words scream otherwise.

I dont want you to march on in painful pergatory for years ignoring this. I dont want you to push and push and end up with a wedding and marriage filled with resentment from both parties. So Im advising you to take a strong stand.

If you cant stomach breaking up- maybe say you need a break to think and stay elsewhere for a week? Then either he makes a miracle turn around or you walk. And if he lets you… thats your answer.

 

IM SORRY BEE! ITLL BE OKAY! And dont fret about being (almost) 28. Thats so young! My best friend after a 10 year (and kinda shitty) relationship, made a power move and finally dumped him at 30 years old after she realized she couldnt force the marriage and she didnt want to have to. Later that year she met her DH and married him at 32. I got to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Shes SO GLAD she made that move but man did it take guts. 

Post # 53
Member
3370 posts
Sugar bee

@furbilicious85:  I’m sorry, but if you’ve been engaged for a year and a half and he’s not willing to set a date yet…this man is not ready for marriage. And he may not ever be ready for marriage to you. If you really think he’s the one you can step back, forget the idea of marriage and let it play out. Or you could cut your losses now and walk away. He says really sure he wants to marry you, what’s the hold up? He’s not sure.

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