(Closed) Confused … is it all for nothing?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

You need to tell him your feelings.  See if he still has the same outlook for your relationship– does he want to get married? Can he give you a time frame? Does he want to have children someday? 

I know what you mean about vacations– I’m a traveler and I need someone with the same degree of wanderlust.  I’m not sure how to remedy that other than by sitting him down, again, and totally opening the lines of communication.  

Post # 4
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@MtlChic: Oh I know how you feel. I think all of us Waiting bees can relate! My SO has has said the same thing that ring will be the next big purchase, and then he buys something else. At least you two have gone ring shopping! That’s a step in the right direction. Maybe he already has the ring but is planning the perfect time to pop the question?

Post # 7
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I would bring it up again.  Even if you just mentioned it a few months ago, you’ve been living with him for years– what was he expecting?  When does he see himself getting married? 

You could go JOP with a simple ring– would either of you be willing to do that, or do you want the wedding and whole she-bang?

Post # 8
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MtlChic:  Is what is holding him back just money? If it is, I would still talk to him again, and make it clear that you understand if he wants to spend X on you and doesn’t have it yet, but that unless you see some serious saving in that regard.. it’s just an empty promise?

Post # 9
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Wow to be together for that long and to own a house together and still not even a hint of a ring? I would be upset and frustrated too. It sounds like you are already married as it is, so really just the ring and ceremony are important formalities you need to make it official. I think you certainly deserve to be upset and I hope you get some answers from him. Maybe talk about a timeline. Yes, you just starting talking about getting married, but it wouldn’t be unreasonable to say, “could we be engaged in the next eight months or the next year.” Good luck and I totally feel for you! 

Post # 10
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think it’s a mistake to own the house with him, live with him etc without getting a commitment (if the formal commitment is important to you). Most men are motivated to propose because they want to take the relationship to the next level and they recognize marriage is the way to get there. He already got there without having to take that step so it’s going to be tough to motivate him. I can’t believe he dangled the ring in front of you like that – maybe he just changed his mind or got worried about the timing.

Neither of you is super young and this is not a young relationship. He has had plenty of time to make up his mind and if he hasn’t proposed yet, and he knows it’s important to you, he has probably decided he doesn’t really want to get married. You deserve to be with a man who is 100% confident in what he wants, and what he wants is to marry you. You will definitely feel the difference in that kind of relationship.

 

The topic ‘Confused … is it all for nothing?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors